Proper Parenting

[hycamguy07]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(ghostofjk @ Jun 20 2006, 10:38 PM) [snapback]274476[/snapback]</div>

Apparently junior high and high school are now part "law school for teens". Our 14-year-old daughter, after a couple of typical "teen restrictions" were imposed, cam home one day to announce that she wanted to be legally emancipated. She also notified us of her rights, especially her privacy rights (no looking in her wastebasket!).

After informing her what SHE would be responsible for following emancipation, I challenged her to get the legal papers. In that heated atmosphere, it was a bit of a risk. She didn't do it.

However, I'm not smug. Despite having raised two children more or less successfully, let me be the first parent at PC to admit I "lost" a daughter---the one above---to that wonderfully American trifecta: sex, drugs and rock n' roll.

There are individual differences in kids that defy explanation.
[/b]

Wow

One would wonder if school was to blame, Childhood rebelion or the parent..

Im thinking the school & freinds as the leading force.

[tnthub]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(priusguy04 @ Jun 21 2006, 05:46 AM) [snapback]274561[/snapback]</div>

Wow

One would wonder if school was to blame, Childhood rebelion or the parent..

Im thinking the school & freinds as the leading force.
[/b]

It doesn't sound like there is "blame". It sounds like a zillion other normal and good families that for whatever reason someone takes things too far. I lost a cousin to a drug overdose about 10 years ago. It happens. Other family members have gone wild, "drugs, sex, rock&roll" and later returned to earth to land great jobs and raise children of their own. We are all a bit different and respond in our own way. It isn't about blame it is about how we deal with reality.

[larkinmj]

I went through a rebellious streak as a teenager, as did my siblings, and we all turned out to be respectable, professional, successful people. I think that if a child's upbringing has a good foundation, they'll usually make it through that period OK. But of course it isn't easy for the parents, and you have to stay on top of it.

I don't believe that discipline has to be physical. That doesn't mean that my wife or I never had to occasionally use a "swat" to get one of our daughter's attention, but we never used spanking or the threat of it as punishment. My wife and I both work, so we've had to rely on daycare, au pairs, etc., but we never abdicated our responsibility as parents. We've always set limits, chosen our battles (if they don't eat their dinner, they won't starve, they'll just have to wait until breakfast), and instilled early on that they are responsible for the outcome of their decisions. So far, our daughters (one almost 10, the other 11) have excelled in school and have developed into really nice, well-rounded children. WHile I sort-of dread the teenage years, I know that they'll be fine.

Physical beating, or the opposite extreme of just ignoring children and letting them get away with anything, are both abuse as far as I'm concerned. I se parents do things that I personally don't agree with, but, recognizing that parenting is the most challenging (and most important) job there is, I don't necessarily criticize others for doing it differently than I would. But there are some people who are just incompetent and raising children (as there are people who are ill-equipped for any endeavor), but in this case the children suffer as a result.

[daronspicher]

I think we can just elect Hillary president, then let her and her village of aclu lawyers raise our kids.

[livelychick]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daronspicher @ Jun 21 2006, 10:15 AM) [snapback]274628[/snapback]</div>

I think we can just elect Hillary president, then let her and her village of aclu lawyers raise our kids.
[/b]

The fact that you put "the village" line and the ACLU together once again shows your lack of thinking.

I hate to tell you, but that "it takes a village" line rings true. When I was a kid, every person in the neighborhood knew all the kids...and if one of us stepped out of line, did something stupid (like, for instance, getting on top of an unoccupied house and ripping off shingles, etc...), then those same neighbors would immediately tell our parents OR, conversely, punish us in some other way (time outs, stern talking-tos, sit in a corner, etc.). Which would, of course, mean a double-trouble for those responsible--one punishment for the behavior in the first place, and the other for embarrassing the family in front of neighbors.

I miss those days...nowadays, unfortunately, when the parents get told that their child was a dumbass for something or other, many will automatically switch into "defense" mode, aka "not MY darling angel of a child." Fortunately, I believe in what the village has to offer me as a parent. You can bet that if my kid gets told on by a neighbor, there will be rare instances when I switch to "defend" mode. Instead, I'll be like mine--the discipline now two-fold.

My son is two and a half, and certainly tries my patience on a daily basis. I am determined, though, to turn him into an upstanding young man through role-modeling, lots and lots of love, and firm discipline. He must always know I love him more than anything in this world, but also realize that we aren't friends. When he grows up, we can be friends then.

Does it ever concern any other parents out there that if you instill values in your child (honesty, hard work, loyalty, dedication, playing by the rules, etc.), that he/she will be at a loss when faced with others in the world who were raised to deceive, manipulate, break rules to win, etc.? Just curious...love to hear your thoughts.

[Mirza]

Livelychick,

In FHOP, daron rambles on a lot like that... you get used to it, and then his future posts become funny... I actually love it when one of his rambles spurts out.

PS I have a few friends at Vtech!

[larkinmj]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(livelychick @ Jun 21 2006, 10:31 AM) [snapback]274639[/snapback]</div>

The fact that you put "the village" line and the ACLU together once again shows your lack of thinking.

I hate to tell you, but that "it takes a village" line rings true. When I was a kid, every person in the neighborhood knew all the kids...and if one of us stepped out of line, did something stupid (like, for instance, getting on top of an unoccupied house and ripping off shingles, etc...), then those same neighbors would immediately tell our parents OR, conversely, punish us in some other way (time outs, stern talking-tos, sit in a corner, etc.). Which would, of course, mean a double-trouble for those responsible--one punishment for the behavior in the first place, and the other for embarrassing the family in front of neighbors.

I miss those days...nowadays, unfortunately, when the parents get told that their child was a dumbass for something or other, many will automatically switch into "defense" mode, aka "not MY darling angel of a child." Fortunately, I believe in what the village has to offer me as a parent. You can bet that if my kid gets told on by a neighbor, there will be rare instances when I switch to "defend" mode. Instead, I'll be like mine--the discipline now two-fold.

My son is two and a half, and certainly tries my patience on a daily basis. I am determined, though, to turn him into an upstanding young man through role-modeling, lots and lots of love, and firm discipline. He must always know I love him more than anything in this world, but also realize that we aren't friends. When he grows up, we can be friends then.

Does it ever concern any other parents out there that if you instill values in your child (honesty, hard work, loyalty, dedication, playing by the rules, etc.), that he/she will be at a loss when faced with others in the world who were raised to deceive, manipulate, break rules to win, etc.? Just curious...love to hear your thoughts.
[/b]

I consider myself, and my children, really fortunate. We live in a town of 5,000 people on the water, where everyone knows everyone else. I had the same experience as you growing up - everyone went outside and played together (no "playdates"), and the parents really were a community that looked after each other's kids. We sort of have that in the town where I live, although of course there aren't as many mothers around during the day. But I have have several friends who are single mothers, and here there is more of a sense of a community where they don't feel that they are raising their kids on their own.
I often rail against suburban sprawl and the creation of exurbs because of its forcing our dependence on oil. But it has also resulted in the disassociation of people from community- we're a nation of people who come home from work, piull our car into the garage, and close ourselves off from the world. And I don't think the kids who come home and play video games in their rooms are having as much fun as my friends and I did playing stickball in the street.

[heliotropehead]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(livelychick @ Jun 21 2006, 09:31 AM) [snapback]274639[/snapback]</div>

Does it ever concern any other parents out there that if you instill values in your child (honesty, hard work, loyalty, dedication, playing by the rules, etc.), that he/she will be at a loss when faced with others in the world who were raised to deceive, manipulate, break rules to win, etc.? Just curious...love to hear your thoughts.
[/b]

What I fear most is the other 'parents' of the world. I know for certain that my husband and I will make great role models and parents. What I don't know is who my child will befriend and how said friends will be raised... or not raised. My brother and I grew up in a single family home. My mom was stern in her parenting and we are both very respectful of her as a person. She is very much my hero.

I fell into a good crowd of friends. I've always been intuitive about people and know who to steer clear of. My brother, however, fell into the wrong group of friends and even now, it continues to be an issue. Being from the south, I have been witness to a good many people with children who are not even fit to care for themselves. It's a scary thing to consider that my kids may be influenced by kids who don't know right from wrong.

[Mirza]

I don't think I could even begin to imagine the concerns of a parent... luckily I did not grow up with the wrong crowd... but that is because I too grew up in a community environment. Sometimes I wondered why the heck did my parents come to a rural place in WV to raise us, but it makes more sense because of the community atmosphere here.

[daronspicher]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(livelychick @ Jun 21 2006, 09:31 AM) [snapback]274639[/snapback]</div>

The fact that you put "the village" line and the ACLU together once again shows your lack of thinking.

I hate to tell you, but that "it takes a village" line rings true.

Does it ever concern any other parents out there that if you instill values in your child (honesty, hard work, loyalty, dedication, playing by the rules, etc.), that he/she will be at a loss when faced with others in the world who were raised to deceive, manipulate, break rules to win, etc.? Just curious...love to hear your thoughts.
[/b]

Hillary's village is not a nice small town community where everyone knows everyone and someone is going to tell you that it was your kid spray painting the water tower. Do you think Hillary's village is a big community group hug? No way.

Hillary's village is the 'village' aka, schools, local law, federal law, all telling all of us how we can and can not parent. We can tell them no.. if it's in a low calm voice. We can't spank our kid because that's not part of the 'village' policy. The 'village' is state and so all the social policy pushed on us as the village raises our kids is absent of any moral content or persuasion that could otherwise come from the religious persuasion of the family.

The 'village' is a big culmonation of the liberal social programs all in one nice package. The 'village' chooses to teach my kid how to use a condom in first grade when I believe that my kid should just be a kid for a few more years, then learn sexual morality from my wife and I at home when we believe our child is ready.

And, most importantly, once the village is raising the kids, mom and dad America can both go off to their jobs, try to make a lot of money to support more stuff so that they can all be happy. And, we can all pay the higher taxes that come with having the village raise our kids. In the end, my kid turns out to be like Hillary. How horrible would that be... No child should have to turn out like Hillary!!! yikes..