Teenagers: Dating vs. Hooking Up

[TJandGENESIS]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(formerVWdriver @ Jul 18 2007, 12:08 PM) [snapback]480923[/snapback]</div>

As the parent of a soon-to-be teenager, I hear that things have changed -- and I'm scared. I hear that teenagers don't date, they hook up. And the more I hear about it, the less I like it.

If you're the parent of a teenager (or if you're a teenager), is this true? What's going on in your area and what do you think about it?
[/b]

Do you want to know? Because my two God Kids, (which since their father passed on, are more my kids), are 15 and 17. The 17 year old is a boy, who has a box of condoms by his bed, that get used daily by him and one (or more), girls. He is always getting laid, blow jobs, the whole thing. Sorry for the language, but it is what it is.
And the girls that do this with him, I have spoken to, and they see it as no big deal. They would rather take care of him before they go out, so they are not being groped by him all the time.

The 15 year old is a girl, who I have had the misfortune of walking in on in the living room of their house, giving her then boyfriend a blow job. She talks to me rather frankly about sex, and loves it.

Both kids are originally from Russia (adopted at an early age). Both kids are good looking kids. But if what they are doing is a sign of the times, then man, I'm glad I don't have 'real' kids of my own, I got to say.

Oh, and the mother, who is in her fifties, seems to not care, as long as they don't get pregnant, or get someone pregnant.

[formerVWdriver]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TJandGENESIS @ Jul 18 2007, 01:19 PM) [snapback]480990[/snapback]</div>

Do you want to know? Because my two God Kids, (which since their father passed on, are more my kids), are 15 and 17. The 17 year old is a boy, who has a box of condoms by his bed, that get used daily by him and one (or more), girls. He is always getting laid, blow jobs, the whole thing. Sorry for the language, but it is what it is.
And the girls that do this with him, I have spoken to, and they see it as no big deal. They would rather take care of him before they go out, so they are not being groped by him all the time.

The 15 year old is a girl, who I have had the misfortune of walking in on in the living room of their house, giving her then boyfriend a blow job. She talks to me rather frankly about sex, and loves it.

Both kids are originally from Russia (adopted at an early age). Both kids are good looking kids. But if what they are doing is a sign of the times, then man, I'm glad I don't have 'real' kids of my own, I got to say.

Oh, and the mother, who is in her fifties, seems to not care, as long as they don't get pregnant, or get someone pregnant.
[/b]

Got...to....find....that.....Xanax.
OH! This is scarier than you can possibly imagine.
I want to know the truth, yes, and thanks for sharing. But..... Oh No!

[ohershey]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(formerVWdriver @ Jul 18 2007, 10:04 AM) [snapback]480969[/snapback]</div>

Worries about peer pressure and ignorance (on my part) of what is happening "out there" have me scrambling to find out what we're going to be dealing with, so we can equip her and also be on the lookout for danger.... [/b]

The thing that I've recently seen that appears to be different in this generation of teenagers from what I remember is that, in many ways, it is the girls who are driving sexual experimentation - probably because they mature a year or two earlier and there no longer seems to be the perceived perception that it is a bad thing. So, yes, you should be concerned. In my opinion, there is more peer pressure now on girls to be sexually active than at any time since the 60s.

Another, extremely worrying trend that I've noticed is an increase in violence and other forms of abuse (verbal, mental, etc.) directed at teenage girls. I would strongly urge you to discuss the other aspects of relationship dynamics as well. Plant the seeds in their minds which will be there to tell them when a situation or relationship is going bad and they need to get out. Tell them where they can go for help, if they need it. I believe you have a strong religious background - find someone in the church that they like, and ask that person to be your backup. Unfortunately, sometimes a teenager will go to others before talking to their parents. When (not if, when) they bring home a date, do your best to get to know that kid and their parents. Talk to the other parents. Spread your information net as far and as deep as you can without your daughter thinking you are "checking up" on her constantly.

My best advice is just keep talking and asking questions. While you may get some "gross" responses (no teen-ager wants to talk about sex with their parents) the only counter you have to peer pressure is your child's own best judgment. Support them, shelter them where you can, and hope. Much as we would like to lock them up, you have to trust them eventually. In your case, prayer is also an appropriate response. Not so much so for us heathens......

[Pinto Girl]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Darwood @ Jul 18 2007, 11:34 AM) [snapback]480951[/snapback]</div>

"From what I know, girls are way more promiscuous now than they were in the past. "
And have fewer guilt complexes. Up to 50 years ago, the womans' sexlife was extremely utililtarian and usually joyless.
If you want to argue we should go back to chastity belts and fear of eternal damnation as a tool to prevent unwanted pregnacies and VD, you're free to do so. Unfortunately, the genie bottle is already open.
It is now more important to teach your children harm reduction and the massive responsibility that comes along with sex, rather than just forbidding it, "end of discussion" style.
[/b]

I agree. Funny, though, that some folks find some aspects of the harm reduction model terribly unpalatable.

The only problem I see here is, women often end up on the 'short end' (pardon my phrase) of the relationship, emotionally and physically. I hate to open this...ummmm...can of worms (the genie thing was already taken) but there *are* differences between men and women. It's important to treat us all as equals in many ways, while still admitting that, sometimes, we're driven by slightly different things. This can cause a relationship to mean two different things, to two different people.

Besides, guys, especially ---in their teens--- have the worst case of raging hormones. If the girl isn't the one to say no (sometimes), then no one will. Women traditionally are expected to fill the role of moderate, it seems to me. Some of that is societal baggage, but there is an aspect of it that seems to keep things from getting too crazy.

[SSimon]

I'm guessing that any parent has to walk a fine line when providing information to their child about sex and the child's perception that they are condoning and accepting of such sex.

[FiftyOneMPG]

I'm not worried about this kind of stuff. I'm more concerned that we get prayer out of the schools, and right away. We don't want to offend anyone with prayer, it might interrupt them having sex in the hallway.

Then, we need a president who will teach the kids how to use condoms and have gay sex by the time they are in second grade. It would be rude to make them wait until they are in 4th or 5th grade to learn this stuff.

I think those are bigger issues that need to be handled rather than worrying about the teens having casual anonymous sex with anyone / everyone at any time for no reason. What negative side effects could the next generation have if they grow up without a moral compass?

Morality smorality.. forgiddaboutit..

We're so hosed.. this country is going to fall faster than Rome ever dreamed about.

[priusmaybe]

Well, it is interesting to see that girls are having sex as suddenly "promiscuous and slutty". And I guess some of you folks think the boys that are the other half of the screwing couples are "just normal" doing what boys must do??


Maybe it is time for a change in the education and responsiblility of boys. Until the attitude that it is normal and ok for boys, but girls need to be different, changes -We are alll in trouble. I think most girls are aware of the pitfalls of sex.


After all, it is girls/women who have thus far been almost the sole caretaker and rearer of children. Very few men participate on an even level, and even fewer are interested in raising their children. Most teenage boys that get girls pregnant are given a free pass in society and sent off to some preppy college and go their merry way. Many men get a new younger second wife and have a new brood. This is not meant to slam the few wonderful fathers that do care.

Thank god, women are now on a more equal footing with birth control options. How many women must regret the dead beats they got involved with and got pregnant by.

I think today's lack of "raising ones children" and over indulgence in every manner, is the biggest part of the problem. The teens don't have much to do but get in trouble. Most don't work or have any home responsibility.

Face it - teens, those good boys and those slutty girls, are hooking up. They rarely date. All you can do is provide them with enough love, affection and early sex education. It won't hurt to keep them busy with a part time job and some responsiblity.

A little babysitting for both boys and girls is a great method of birth control. It needs to start early and be repeated often enough .

[eclectcmoi]

Teenagers have always had sex. It happened in my day and it’s happening now. What is different though is how open kids are about what they are doing. I know I didn’t talk to my friends about what I was doing in private. Teenagers, whether because of desensitizing aspects of music videos and movies, just don’t think sex is that big of a deal.

What is also different is now there is a sexually transmitted disease that can shorten your life. As a parent, I have to talk openly with my daughters to ensure they are well informed and well prepared whether I approve of them being sexually active or not. Would I rather them not be sexually active until they are mature enough to handle all the risks and consequences? Absolutely. Am I willing to stick my head in the sand and not see what is out there in the world that influences them? No.

[Darwood]

"I'm guessing that any parent has to walk a fine line when providing information to their child about sex and the child's perception that they are condoning and accepting of such sex."

That is a fine line.
If you take the "scare the crap out of them" or abstinence only route, You're likely to lose credibility in their eyes and hence lose the ability to have a rational conversation about it. As pointed out earlier, there is no reason that it cannot be a slowly inroduced topic at a much younger age. It works a lot better than a crash course birds and bees discussion when "feel" they are ready for it.

Also, parents have ALWAYS had this worry, and this is nothing new. That's our job as parents, right? To worry about the well being of our children. If it's not sex, it's drugs and alcohol, if its not D & A, it's driving the car, etc., etc. Just keep the worrying at reasonable level and don't let media freak you out, it accomplished NOTHING, except make you miserable.

[slair]

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TJandGENESIS @ Jul 18 2007, 01:19 PM) [snapback]480990[/snapback]</div>

Do you want to know? Because my two God Kids, (which since their father passed on, are more my kids), are 15 and 17. The 17 year old is a boy, who has a box of condoms by his bed, that get used daily by him and one (or more), girls. He is always getting laid, blow jobs, the whole thing. Sorry for the language, but it is what it is.
And the girls that do this with him, I have spoken to, and they see it as no big deal. They would rather take care of him before they go out, so they are not being groped by him all the time.

The 15 year old is a girl, who I have had the misfortune of walking in on in the living room of their house, giving her then boyfriend a blow job. She talks to me rather frankly about sex, and loves it.

Both kids are originally from Russia (adopted at an early age). Both kids are good looking kids. But if what they are doing is a sign of the times, then man, I'm glad I don't have 'real' kids of my own, I got to say.

Oh, and the mother, who is in her fifties, seems to not care, as long as they don't get pregnant, or get someone pregnant.
[/b]

I believe thats more of a cultural difference than just being....you know. Russia may have a more subtle look on sex than the US. Maybe thats why they are more "loose" with it. American girls are pretty bad, but not really like that. We may dress slutty and show a little too much, but giving regular "jobs" is different.

Usually with teens (15+) there are only 3 catergories.
Friends - you know...friends!
girlfriend/boyfriend - If they've kissed, usually they are here
f**k-buddy - cheatting on bf/gf, keeping it secret for some reason, friends who get curious.