Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary

freshmtt · 08-25-2008, 12:33 PM

OK, I laugh everytime I read this, saw it again on another message board.

DOG DIARY

8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!

9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!

9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!

10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!

12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!

1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!

3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!

5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!

7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!

8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!

11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!

CAT DIARY

Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.

Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.

The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.

Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. *******s!

There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.

This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.

The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.

The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
For now...

Cat
__________________

**TonyPSchaefer** · 08-25-2008, 12:46 PM

I actually found my cat's PawPilot last year and it contained entries very similar to these. I was not surprised.

Godiva · 08-25-2008, 02:24 PM

My dog has a doormat to hold his dishes. One circle says "water". The other is labeled "n@sty dry cr@p".

dogfriend · 08-25-2008, 03:19 PM

Our inmate's latest attempt to intimidate us consisted of decapitating a mouse, pulling its innards out and leaving it for us to find on the front porch. It was truly disgusting. At least she didn't drag it inside.

Godiva · 08-25-2008, 03:23 PM

You're taking it wrong.

It's instruction.

Have you learned how to decapitate a mouse by pulling the head off with your teeth, dragging the innards out and arranging them in an artistic and pleasing manner?

If not, instruction will continue.

KK6PD · 08-25-2008, 03:24 PM

Sadly, everytime our friends stop by with their dogs, while I get the folks some drinks, their dogs make their way to the cat box and proceed to have lunch!!!!!

I really wonder what they feed their dogs, if the dogs have to rob our cat boxes for snacks!!!

You can't make this KAKA up!!!

73 de Pat KK6PD

Godiva · 08-25-2008, 03:33 PM

Yes. Dogs have both a problem with diet and behavior.

However a cat's diet is much higher in protein than a dog's and they don't utilize all of it. So their....discards....are higher in protein and that is what is attracting the dogs.

Still, it's not healthy for the dogs to lunch in the cat box.

dogfriend · 08-25-2008, 03:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Godiva

You're taking it wrong.

It's instruction.

Have you learned how to decapitate a mouse by pulling the head off with your teeth, dragging the innards out and arranging them in an artistic and pleasing manner?

If not, instruction will continue.

If I show the little serial killer that I have mastered the art of outside kills, then she will progress to the next lesson, which is how to hunt them down and kill them inside the house (ala Cat Malfunction). So I'm gonna play dumb and hope that she keeps trying to teach me how to kill outside.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KK6PD

Sadly, everytime our friends stop by with their dogs, while I get the folks some drinks, their dogs make their way to the cat box and proceed to have lunch!!!!!

The dogs believe that the cat(s) only exist to provide those yummy tootsie rolls in the litter box.

PriuStorm · 08-25-2008, 03:38 PM

OMG, thanks for the laugh!!

MarinJohn · 08-25-2008, 04:19 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dogfriend

The dogs believe that the cat(s) only exist to provide those yummy tootsie rolls in the litter box.

Kitty Rocca! It's what dogs use to get rid of that l'eau de toilette after a hearty drink.

08-25-2008, 12:33 PM	#1
freshmtt Dachshund Addict Join Date: Apr 2008 Location: Chicago Suburbs Posts: 533 My Car: 2008 Prius Package: #2 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 17	Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary OK, I laugh everytime I read this, saw it again on another message board. DOG DIARY 8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing! 9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing! 9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing! 10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing! 12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing! 1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing! 3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing! 5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing! 7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing! 8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing! 11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing! CAT DIARY Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets. Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength. The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet. Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. *******s! There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage. This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches. The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded. The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe. For now... Cat __________________ __________________ Michelle Chicagoland 08 Driftwood Pearl Prius named her "Sandy" Package #2 I don't have Dogs, I have DACHSHUNDS!! Save the Earth, It's the only planet with Dachshunds!!

08-25-2008, 12:46 PM	#2
TonyPSchaefer Ruler of Omicron Persei 8 Join Date: May 2004 Location: Far-North Chicagoland Posts: 8,414 My Car: 2004 Prius Package: #9 Nominated 4 Times in 2 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 16	Re: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary I actually found my cat's PawPilot last year and it contained entries very similar to these. I was not surprised.

08-25-2008, 02:24 PM	#3
Godiva AmeriKan Citizen Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 10,008 My Car: 2005 Prius Package: #1 Nominated 3 Times in 2 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 6	Re: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary My dog has a doormat to hold his dishes. One circle says "water". The other is labeled "n@sty dry cr@p".

08-25-2008, 03:19 PM	#4
dogfriend Human - Animal Hybrid Join Date: Feb 2007 Location: Carmichael, CA Posts: 2,692 My Car: 2007 Prius Package: #6 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 7	Re: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary Our inmate's latest attempt to intimidate us consisted of decapitating a mouse, pulling its innards out and leaving it for us to find on the front porch. It was truly disgusting. At least she didn't drag it inside.

08-25-2008, 03:23 PM	#5
Godiva AmeriKan Citizen Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 10,008 My Car: 2005 Prius Package: #1 Nominated 3 Times in 2 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 6	Re: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary You're taking it wrong. It's instruction. Have you learned how to decapitate a mouse by pulling the head off with your teeth, dragging the innards out and arranging them in an artistic and pleasing manner? If not, instruction will continue.

08-25-2008, 03:24 PM	#6
KK6PD _ . _ . / _ _ . _ Join Date: Mar 2008 Location: Los Angeles Posts: 325 My Car: 2008 Prius Package: #5 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 1	Re: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary Sadly, everytime our friends stop by with their dogs, while I get the folks some drinks, their dogs make their way to the cat box and proceed to have lunch!!!!! I really wonder what they feed their dogs, if the dogs have to rob our cat boxes for snacks!!! You can't make this KAKA up!!! 73 de Pat KK6PD

08-25-2008, 03:33 PM	#7
Godiva AmeriKan Citizen Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 10,008 My Car: 2005 Prius Package: #1 Nominated 3 Times in 2 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 6	Re: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary Yes. Dogs have both a problem with diet and behavior. However a cat's diet is much higher in protein than a dog's and they don't utilize all of it. So their....discards....are higher in protein and that is what is attracting the dogs. Still, it's not healthy for the dogs to lunch in the cat box.

08-25-2008, 03:38 PM	#9
PriuStorm Senior Member Join Date: Sep 2007 Location: Davis, CA Posts: 825 My Car: 2007 Prius Package: #4 Nominated 0 Times in 0 Posts TOTM Awards: 0 Friends: 5	Re: Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary OMG, thanks for the laugh!!