Repo'ing my daughter's car

This discussion takes me back - WAY BACK - to 1947. At age 17, my first car was a very well used 1931 Model A Ford 2-door sedan with its generous share of problems. My dad did NOT assist in the purchase directly, but co-signed a note at our local Bank. This gave me the experience of taking responsibility for my own debt and paying it from my own earnings - a good lesson in life.

Yes, I'm an "Old Coot" with more traditional values and gave my children the "right" to be themselves, and take responsibility for their own decisions. I believe it's past time for the original poster's daughter to learn about the real world. Dad's "terms" were more than generous.

Interesting that the daughter "saved up" to buy her Saturn while NOT honoring her debt and agreement with her father. Sounds like a character flaw to me.

 

Having followed the thread from the beginning, I have to wonder if the mom didn't have something to do with the sudden appearance of the Saturn.

From one old coot to another

 

I would never in my wildest dreams accept repayment from my children for buying them their first car nor sending them to college.
That would have been a lovely gift from you-- the first car, college.
If a child pays you back someday--if they are able to or if they have the inclination...
I would tear their check up and say Thank you
That's what my grandmother did for me...
something my parents never would have done.
And my grandmother could hardly afford it
my parents could
I am now 50 yrs old, raised 4 boys of my own--bought them all used cars when they were teenagers and and sent them all to college.
I am a teacher and they have have good jobs.
And they take good care of their mom (me!)
as I did my grandmother.
Why set your child up for failure, especially in their relationship with you?
Life will throw enough curves at your children.. please --it is not too late to turn this around.
Don't apologize... just call her up and say Merry Christmas--the car is yours--I love you.
Kathleen

 

I think you may have missed part of the thread. His daughter called him and asked him to take the car back.

 

All of us believe we were more mature, more intelligent, and frankly, better looking than today's kids.

But I know that's not true, at least in my case. We have all just forgotten our more embarrassing incidents in favor of warm and fuzzy feeling that we did everything right.

Its not a "character flaw" when a 16 year *appears* to flake out. We don't know the full story, and there could be a very mature reason she resolved the issue the way she did ... it appears her mother and her father aren't talking to each other. She and her father appear to be talking now. Perhaps she is also talking to her mother. She may be able to negotiate the very difficult mine-field of interpersonal relationships much better than any of us "mature adults".

Its a little early to pass judgement on the girl. Or the father.

 

I have had three bad expeiences "loaning" substantial sums to relatives, an older brother, a younger brother and an adult son. All three experiences turned out bad. In the future, should any relative come to me for a "loan" I would assess their need and my financial situation at the time and either decline to help or just give them the money as a gift.

My advice?

A. Ask your daughter to fulfill her oblgations to you in which case you will keep her in your good graces for any future financial help.

OR

B. Since you state that the amount owed is not important to you write it off as a learning experience but tell your daughter that in the future she should go to a bank for a "loan."

 

Wow, suddenly this got the "big element" to make it into a TV movie! (NO sarcasm at all!)

Don't deviate from the hugs!

 

You are a great father Schmika.

 

Actually, what Evan stated in terms of one problem leading to the other is not just an ugly dehumanizing generalization. It is an accurate dehumanizing generalization based on lots of research and it is only dehumanizing because of the dehumanizing nature of quantitative statistics. Teens that have one problem behavior are more likely to participate in other problem behaviors.

Anyway, Schmika, kudos on trying to do what is best for your daughter and trying to teach her about the real world. Knowing that you agonized about the decision and wanted to make sure you did the right thing is evidence of how much you care and your committment to being a father.

It is unfortunate to see the undergraduates who still have no idea about life or how to manage it. (Case in point: the trend for universiities to have to ban credit card companies from campus because students are getting into too much debt.) Having a clear set of expectations and consequences and being able to link actions with consequences is unfortunately often lacking in many people's upbringing.

 

Yes, that's dandy and all, but I'd prefer to give my child the benefit of the doubt first as opposed to simply applying a "statisic". Kind of an interesting statment coming from a doctor, who for all intents and purposes, is, the "ultimate" humanitarian. And don't read into that statement, I'm simply making an observation.

 

Easy to do since she stopped paying you!

 

Giving your child the benefit of the doubt doesn't mean you should be naive and stick your head in the sand about the possiblities. Evan never said it was true of any specific individual, he was simply pointing out that it is something that parents should be aware of.

 

Hear, hear.

I was wondering how long it would take before someone posted what I have been thinking all along.

 

Yes, and there's a fine line between effectively saying, "Oh you're irresponsible therefore what else are you doing as it's statistically likely...blah, blah, blah" and giving them the benefit of the doubt. No one stated or implied sticking one's head in sand and being naive.

Really that's all I wish to say on this topic.

 

My boss has a saying: "People will put a value on something equal to what you charge them for it", and I have to agree with him. I'm glad my parents made me buy my first car (a 1972 Monte Carlo), it taught me the value of money, and the importance of showing up for work every day. Actually, now that I think about it, I think I loaned $1000 of it from my grandmother, and set it up with monthly payments. All my cousins did the same thing, and you know what? NONE of the rest of them ever paid her back! :angry: I'm proud of the fact that I was good to my word, it built character.
On the other hand, also from personal experience, I have made a habit of offering free car parts and maintenance to owners of a certain car (to remain nameless), as a favor to that community. And how much value do many of the people put on that part/service, which I otherwise charge $50-$115 for? Nothing...because thats what I gave it to them for. Its my own fault, I admit, but my boss's words have proved to be true in this case.