Online dating

A good storm will flush the BS out sooner or later...

 

In his quest for the golden orbs...

Young F8L hears the challenge, and replies to the "That's not a knife" remark...

 

Yes, a very baaaaaaaaaaaaaaad turn indeed

[Plugging in robot sheep]

As I've said many times, nice guys finish dead last

If you turned into a Bikie, you'd have women throwing themselves at you

 

Boy does this hit me where I live. I'm through something like this with the wife right now. Needless to say, I fall into the "good provider" category.

 

Yes, but which women? Perhaps this is a reflection of which women you are trying to attract? The last two men I dated, a college professor and a programmer, were both very much considered "nice guys".

 

It's a catch 22. Women want stabiility AND drama. If they tend to fall more for the drama side, they are doomed to keep choosing bad guys who are initially romantic and passionate but who inevitably leave them heartbroken. Us stable, nice guys need to do some acting at the first impressions stage as well. Except we have to pretend to be a badazz in order to pique their interest and get the relationship going as opposed to pretending to be a nice guy to win the roll in the hay.

 

Yeah, there's some of that going for "drama" when people are younger. But I think if you look at it what you'll find is that women want someone who appears confident. There's a reason that musicians tend to have lots of groupies. It takes balls to get up on stage and perform in front of a crowd. Same thing with actors.

There are ways of behaving that project confidence. And being a "bad boy" is one way. It's usually a front, but that's irrelevant. But if you're not a "bad boy", it's about projecting the impression that you're comfortable in your own skin and with your masculinity.

My wife & I have been having this discussion (in various forms) over the last month. It's been enlightening, but also frustrating. Apparently I don't project that confidence that she finds sexy. And that's not something you can just snap your fingers & change.

 

I have 0 interest in drama. I have a fabulous life why on earth would I invite someone in to trash that? Besides, if they have nothing to share that is equally fabulous... what's the point?
By fabulous I mean my lifestyle matches my values. (mostly )

No acting nessisary. Being comfortable in your own skin.. .now that's good stuff.

Very well said. I'm sorry to hear about the stuggles in your marriage. I know how frusterating it can be to be hearing from someone that you aren't who they want you to be.

 

And how good a track record do these people have in terms of fidelity and stability?

Passion and romance are inversely proportional to stability and fidelity.
(Yes, this is a generalization)

 

Thanks. It's been more than frustrating, I'll tell you that. The worst part is that she's felt like this since before we were married. She views me as a really really good friend, but no more. The challenge we have is to see if that gap can be bridged. Can I exhibit a little more of what she would find sexy? And (more importantly to me) can she find sexy whatever I manage to exhibit? That's what therapists are for.

I'm just glad we're actually able to talk honestly to each other. And that kids aren't part of the equation.

Sure there are plenty of big name musicians and actors that don't have good track records. But I don't necessarily mean big names. Here at the Jersey Shore, pretty much everybody has a cousin in a band. And I'm not talking about 20-somethings. I'm talking about 40-somethings. They're legit musicians and they have happy marriages. Same with actors in community theater.

A huge one. And, in my not so humble opinion, a wildly incorrect one. You can have stability & fidelity while enjoying passion & romance. People just get too wrapped up in what they think passion should be.

 

Never said you couldn't. But in general, stable provider types are less likely to ooze passion or be steaped in drama. And the passionate romantic is far more likely to cheat over the long term and less likely to last in a long term relationship.

Obviously, I'm pointing out trends, not rules here. And who people are and what they seek is far more complicated and they even change as people mature.

 

Hey man, I thought this is how you handled things in the Jersey Shore:


* this is a clip from MTV's reality show "Jersey Shore"

You could hook up a steroid six-pack and fake tan and you'd be set, right?

 

Not quite. That's how a BENNY handles things. Proper shore residents (even transplants like myself) are properly embarrassed by them.

 

Why is it so difficult to find everything you want in the same person? Why can't everyone be smart, sexy, and single? Do we ask too much? Is monogamy synonymous with monotony?

Maybe the animal kingdom has it right - only the dominant males get to breed, and the weakest are taken out of the gene pool by predators. Perhaps some of our mating rituals are a little more civilised, but then again, maybe not.

 

I still think you'll do better with the wife by hooking up the fake tan, 'roid sixpack, and calling yourself "The Situation"

 

I think it should be socially acceptable to have a marriage that is for the raising of children, after which it is open for negotiation whether it will continue or if it should be dissolved. No histrionics, no lawyers, no negativity, just a pleasant parting of the ways.

Of course, I also think that people should be allowed to have as many 'spouses' as they want... boyfriends, girlfriends, whatever.

 

Brilliant. But...how does your spouse feel about this?

 

It IS allowed.
Just not via marriage. How much would the insurance cost be for an employee with say 5 spouses? How do you divy up the estate in the case of the providers death? If a woman has multiple husbands, how would the custody battle play out? I have no problem with gay marriage, but I do have a problem with a polygamy. Polygamy is only viable in a society where the male population is decimated (war) and quicker re-population is needed. Those societies tend to be male dominated, whereas women are property, so there is not the legal mess that an egalitarian society would face.