Living together before you get married. Yay or nay...

Well it's not what it used to be...
Thank You Lee Marvin and Michelle Triola!!!!

Can you say "Palimoney"

Besides test drives are always preferable, just trade up often to avoid early withdrawal penalties & fees!

 

Yay,

You learn a lot about someone by living with them and sometimes they turn out to be someone you don't want to marry. Which is probably why I am unmarried, and happy.

 

in my case (still not married) living together did not really prove a lot. its when children come along that the challenges come about.

how to raise the child.
what the child is allowed to do
who is responsible for doing what, etc.

that has been the real challenge here. i was raised where children had limited access to many thing, my SO (who is a "bit" younger than me) was raised by parents who literally let her and her brother do what ever they wanted.

now, what is better?? who knows? we both have very compelling arguments (if only in our own minds) over the benefits of our ideology of child raising

 

And yet there are churches that believe just as much in god and the Bible who do want to be permitted to celebrate gay marriages. Why should the bigots own the word "marriage"?

 

i've been married 2 years...


never lived together before marriage.


so glad we didnt! things that would have pissed us off in the short term we now realize aren't big deals!

honestly if we would have lived together before being married we would have broke up.

Since we had the comittment of marriage, we made it work in those hard times. Now I wouldn't trade what we have for the world!

Personally, I think being married first is a must as marriage should be permanent.

Besides, about 100 studies prove you are more likely to stay together if you wait for marriage. Why would you get married if you didn't want your best chances of staying together?

 

Then there are those who end up divorced 12-20yrs down the road and realize they have been unhappy for a long time and only stayed together because of their vows. To me that is a monumental waste of time to spend in an unhappy and unhealthy relationship. This is especially true for younger folks who get married between the ages of 18-25yrs of age. Those 30yr old divorced women are my bread and butter if you will.

 

FYI, year 7 is the real challenge.
Glad to hear things are working out well for you!

 

Thanks and OH NOS!

What happens in year 7?

Kids?

i have always ignored those that say year 1 is the hardest, I imagine first few years w/ kids are by far the hardest.


Am I right married vets?

 

The seven year itch.

Tom

 

Nothing happened in year 7 other than irritating people saying "Hey, so you`ve been married for 7 years now? Must be getting tired of each other right? You know what they say about the seven year itch!" every time it came up. That was the only thing that was bad about that year.

The seven year itch is there only because people SAY it`s there and assume it`s there. If you go in thinking that you`re going to have a terrible seventh year, chances are you will.

Year one was incredibly easy for us as a lot of the worries we`d had before getting married were gone as a result of getting married.
Year four kind of sucked not because we were married, but because of outside factors - we decided to have a kid then. I didn`t want to have a child while living in rental property, so we started the process of buying our own place with the stress involved in that. Then the in-laws decided to let us know that they`d never been happy with the mini-wedding we`d had. They had always wanted us to have a huge wedding for show (FIL owns a company and a hotel, so show is apparently quite important) and we wouldn`t be able to do that after having a baby so it needed to be done NOW. So we spent the first half of the fourth year running around getting a HUGE wedding ceremony set up while trying to get through the mess of paperwork and tours needed for buying a home... and the last half running back and forth to the hospital after the baby was born very early weighing less than a pound.

The rest of the time has been pretty normal. Kids aren`t as bad as everyone would have you think. Having a child didn`t do anything to our marriage besides maybe making it stronger.

 

Those 45-55 year old divorced women are even better. If you catch my drift

I recommend a topical antipruritic. Depending on the nature of the rash/itch, either a topical steroid or a topical antihistamine

Of course, this could also be an obvious sign of crab louse infestation too, which implies something else is going on in that marriage

 

Speaking from intensely itchy personal experience, the usual remedies for crab louse do NOT work. There is only ONE proven method of getting rid of the little buggers, and it involves patience, dexterity, care, and a very sharp razor

 

We didn't live together before marriage, though we did date "intensely"...

Our first extended time together was driving the moving truck of my stuff from Minnesota to Washington, before the wedding.
At the end of our first year of marriage, we'd launched into complete, total home remodeling.
He was also custodial father to four kids, aged 16, 13, and 11 yr old twins.

We're going on eleven years now

I think yes, and no. We have one son that is engaged, and he and his fiancee have done the whole pledge thing, and are both still virgins. They are waiting. This is the right choice for them. Our other kids are across the board - married, living with someone, dating seriously, dating for fun... and each one is making their life work for them. It's their choice.

 

Good point. different things are going to work for different people.

 

marriage, relationships, etc. is like playing dice. there is a million different theories on how to "beat the house" but there is no real method to the madness.

roll em, you might win, you might lose but one thing is for sure, you end up alone 100% of the time if you dont play.

now, being alone is not a bad thing. some people relish it, others self-destruct. dont do things based on what makes other people happy. doing that usually only makes your friends happy, not yourself.

 

Truer words have not been spoken

 

I agree!

 

You can use the Navy system: Shave one half, set the other half on fire, and stab the little buggers with an ice pick as they flee the fire.

Tom

 

Again...

I feel my understanding of you grows Tom.

 

Interesting phrasing, octavia. Understanding, yes. Appreciation? Admiration? Hmm...you neglected to mention that part.