Online dating

She is hilarious, but she's also totally HOT!

That pretty much leaves me out. How about a dictionary? I used a dictionary in my last job. :huh:

 

SMACK!!

Well, in theory, if I moved back to the U.S. and took one of those consulting jobs for various acronyms that need my security clearance, than I *could* carry concealed, legally too

Just wondering, the Concealed Carry thing, is that YOUR fantasy or your son's fantasy.

because if it's your son's fantasy, forget about it

It goes without saying that the cute little file clerk was so grateful for my "protection" that we went through an intensely passionate, but short lived, affair

Call me picky, but I can NOT stand an airhead of a woman. All we had in common was complimentary body parts

But oh it was magic as long as I didn't think of her (lack of) brain

 

removed for stupidity

 

Aw schucks, did I miss a good response? Feel free to email the uncensored version to me

 

I'm still itching to discover what was removed. Probably something juicy

 

Gotcha

<smirk>

 

It was about the dating profile I just put up. My profile is getting viewed a lot, which I'm used to but I'm not getting that many emails and winks. Honestly, I've never had that happen before so I thought perhaps I needed to change it. This is the tone of what is currently up there:

I was going to change it to a list of reviews, like movie or show reviews, like this:

I started to make the change and posted here asking for suggestions to add but then Match:
1. didn't instantly approve my new profile.
2. emailed offering to write it for me.

I just changed it back.

Seriously, I am so bored of reading typical profiles. "I'm active, and I ski and hike all the time looking for someone who loves everything I love. I've traveled to everywhere and am looking to go back... and blah blah blah."

I don't think I can bring myself to do a "normal" profile but I thought maybe mentioning boogers in it was just a bit to much reality to start with.
I can see by re-reading this that need to go visit Daniel's rant thread and bitch about dating profiles.

 

Just post that picture of reading upside down and you'll get plenty of responses!

 

Still better than an eBay review???
A++++++++++++++++++++++WOULD DO AGAIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

Awww, don't give up. The big problem with finding a Significant Other is that the losers far outnumber the winners

I'm POSITIVE you will find somebody nice who will love and respect you.

Really.

You deserve it

I thought of posting a photo like that, but the obvious Dangle Syndrome might prove embarrassing

Seems to work, you're still married

 

Adventures in dating:

So I had set up a coffee date last night with a girl from Match but let's back up to earlier in the day...

I had given my business card to someone in the hopes they would email me as I didn't have a pen to write down my cell number. They ended up calling my work and left a message. Then she called again when I was there and I told her I would try and call her that Friday. I went out on a date with someone else that Friday and totally forgot to call this other girl. So by Monday I get a Facebook message basically saying how she was disappointed that I didn't call etc.. The fact she tracked me down on Facebook was strike #1. So I avoided Facebook for a few days then sent her an apology message and she calls my work again within an hour. Then I went into a meeting and she tried to call twice more according to my boss !

Yesterday: I had sent a couple text messages to the girl I was going on the coffee date with and she has asked me if I was a "texter" and not a talker. So I told her that I was and I didn't hear back from her the rest of the day. Later that evening I am waiting outside the coffee shop we are supposed to meet at (a bit early) and I got a text that I misread that read "I'm the same way". Unfortunately I read it as "I'm on my way". Here is the dialog that followed:

Me: Well drive safe silly
Her: How do you know I'm driving?
Me: Um, because you are not here lol
Her: Where is here?
Me: The coffee shop?
Her: What do you mean you jokester?
Me: Ohh man.....

Then the phone starts ringing and it is her calling me. I'm starting to feel like David Schwimer from Friends when he is hiding in the bathroom with the leather pants that won't come off and a bottle of baby powder! I now think that I got the days mixed up and I'm sitting out here at the coffee shop waiting for someone who is either standing me up or won't be here till Thursday.

So I answer the phone saying "You're not even going to allow me the dignity of texting you why I'm a dork and got my days mixed up?" (in a joking tone). She replies "I'm confused, were we supposed to go out to dinner or something?" Then I recognize the accent! OMG! It's not the coffee shop date girl, it is the stalker!!!! Somehow I put the coffee shop girl's name on the stalkers phone number!! Bad Justin, Bad!

Around this time my real date shows up and I'm frantically trying to get off the phone without being super rude. lol

In the end the date went extremely well and I will see her again. What about the stalker you might be asking? To be continued........

 

I wish a female stalker would go after me ...

 

There is always the witness relocation program....

 

Naw, just give her MY name and number!

 

if you lived closer I would gladly direct her towards you.