Seeking support from my PC pals

I am sorry to hear that it hasn't worked out. For what it's worth, we are here for you if you need it.

Tom

 

I'm very sorry to read of your difficulties. Since you are not asking for advice, and since I'd have none if you were, I guess you just want us to say we're your friends, and try to keep on an even keel through the hard times.

So that's what I'll say: We're your friends here; your contributions to this community are valued. Good luck with your life moving forward. And try to keep on an even keel.

Daniel

 

This is sad indeed I will be thinking good thoughts and sending prayers for both you and your wife.

Good luck and God Bless.

 

I like your approach. There is a line in Crocodile Dundee where he explains that they don't have shrinks in Walkabout. He says: "If you have a problem, you tell Wally. Wally tells everyone else; no more problem." I like that advice.

Tom

 

unless neither of you want to continue, i would suggest marital counciling. for couples. i would say most happy marraiges have a lot going for them and not necessarily 'sexual' attraction. it's all what you make of it. no children i hope. all the best.

 

It seems like you are both approaching this with your eyes wide open and without attempting to hurt each other. I hope that you can accomplish this life-changing event so that your most challenging decision is ... who gets the Prius.

Good luck and good decision (using your PRIUDchat support system).

 

Proco, hope things work out for the best. Maybe we need another meet at the bar.

Jim.

 

As bad as it is at least you two are working together to solve the issue and not resorting to fighting and such. I'm sorry to hear it has come to this but as you say, you will be fine in the long run. We're here for ya anytime you need to vent or just need a shoulder.

 

No advice, but...
My wife and I went through a similar situation, about 17 years ago.
Roles were the same, tried couples therapy, no obvious help.
The therapist in fact said, some marriages just shouldn't continue.

Anyway, we are still together, we've been married nearly 30 years
(holy crap!). Still very much in love, some times more than others,
still speak a different language from time to time.

But there you have it. Another data point for you.

Best wishes,
S

 

I was not in such a committed relationship as marriage but my girlfriend (live in) of 2 years basically said the same thing to me. It is rather hurtful but I swallowed the lump and moved on. I cannot imagine what that would feel like coming from a spouse.

You know I'm here for ya if you need to chat or just need an ear. :hug:

 

omg! :d

 

Jayman's "funds," in addition to being in bad taste, appear to be bogus.

 

I'm sorry to hear about this...
And I'm also sorry for the following contrarian position if it's way off base or otherwise is unpleasant to read...

But after some thought on this.... it doesn't seem like you want the relationship to end. Unless you too, are tired of fighting for the relationship, Why appease her so easily? The person that does not want it to end has the upper hand and I'm not sure your using it.
She seems like someone who craves drama and is hence currently bored, and appeasement does not provide that "excitement" she seeks.

It is important to realize that you are not likely to be able to maintain "friendship" once you split and she dates others. Eventually the others will not allow her to do so (except for kids), nor will you enjoy watching her date others.

"it does make it easier knowing everything is on the table"
On your table or what you opened up to us here? I've seen a split just like this and not everything was on the table, so I have to question this. Drama seekers wear masks and stability seekers wear blinders.

Of course I don't know the whole story...I'm just posting my gut reaction.
All that being said...you have to do what you think is best for you.

 

"Perhaps. This theory has been thrown out there (in different ways) by both my personal shrink as well as our marriage therapist. But if she craves drama, I'm not the one to give that to her. I do NOT crave drama. I'm a quiet, laid back person. And that ain't changing."

Why not?! After all...she conversely DOES crave drama..without it...there's no desire for sex. Couples always have to meet in the middle. IE: you give her some drama...then you have angry make up sex! We stability seekers (Definately the camp I'm in) sometimes need to manufacture a little drama to prevent the partner from manufacturing it instead. When they start the drama, a standoff ensues... BECAUSE we are seeking to calm the waters they don't want calmed.

Perhaps in the heat of an argument, what she really wants is for you to "shut her up" to put it bluntly. You'd be surprised how many women secretly want that kind of "passion" (that's the code word they use for this). Stir up emotions...any emotions...then jump into bed.
Perhaps there is somebody you can utilize (or use) to make her jealous?
Can you feign a little bit of mischieviousness for her? Play the bad boy part a little?
Whatever you do, forget the romantic stuff...doting on an drama seeker is counterproductive.

Again...my gut instinct is that she either wants the fight (as per above), or has already checked out emotionally. One requires a decision by you to capitulate to something you don't like in exchange for something you do (the nature of all relationships)...The other hints at checking her phone log.
Knowing which it is pretty important here in so far as how you should proceed. Your "counselor" is not likely to put it that bluntly, if at all, even though it's the heart of the issue.

Either way..Good luck. It'll be a tough road for a while no matter how it shakes out.