Coffee date tomorrow and he knows what I am driving... :-)

This is a part of the dating culture that one simply has to accept. Being stood up as a lady must be a terrible feeling and I can only sympathise with you. It should make all kinds of alarms go off. As a man I'm genuinely surprised every time a lady doesn't cancel in one way or another before the date - it's really that common to cancel!

That being said, one of my friends was appaled when she asked into my dating life and learned that sometimes I set up dates with different girls on consecutive days - "where is your heart in that?". She might be on to something, but with the high frequency of cancelations and small chance of being able to set up a date in the first place, I simply can't allow more flexibility.

And just as I was writing this message, I received a text message with an apalogy from the girl in question...

 

I agree, but my thought about his only calling at certain times was that was a big red flag saying that he is married.

 

That doesn't sound like a fatal flaw as long as he respects your boundaries after being told what they are and doesn't act like a wounded puppy or spoiled brat after being gently told to back off. Or did he cross those lines too?

You can tell more about a person by how they handle an occasional mistake/conflict than you can when they are behaving exactly as you want.

 

To me, that's the most important part. Be yourself, and be comfortable. For far too many people, that seems to be more difficult than it sounds.

 

My knowledge of dating protocol may be a bit ancient, but here's a few tips from the past...

The best place to meet compatible people is at a group gathering that you enjoy yourself. Something that's worth doing for itself, even though Mr. Right doesn't happen to be there every time.

I found the Sierra Club outings programs to be a great place to have fun and meet people.

Meetup.com is a good place to look for local programs.

The YMCA usually has adult programs, although it's probably overpopulated with already married with children types.

The local park service may have organized walks, cleanup events, trail maintenance, and recognition parties for those who did the most.

Do a Google search for "volunteer <city name>". Start with the nearest big city, and work back to wherever you are.

For a real meat market, the local exercise club is better than a pure "I'm here to meet people" club.


People recently separated have a lot of emotional baggage to work through. A "best match" person may be at an event you attend, but not emotionally ready for anything new. The only way to find out is to establish contact, and give them time to get around to considering you as a possibility.

As for the no-show, there are plenty of legitimate reasons for that. It could be as simple as a mistake on the time, or as major as being in the hospital from a car accident. The way to resolve the issue is to contact them again and ask for an update.

 

My friend was married for 20 years and became single. His wife passed away. He did not date for a year. He is an introvert and somewhat socially awkward. He did start with online dating and he said he was frantic, nervous and did cancel the last minute due to nerves and nothing to do with the girl. He did go out on a Date finally and the next day I called him and he laughed. He said I would be surprised that girl would ever take my call since all He talked about was sports, work and current events. He also drank coffee like a maniac. I told him not to speak about his widow unless asked and be short on the subject. He agreed.

 

I don't talk with him as much as I used to but on occasion catch up. He seems to get a steady gal and it lasts about a year but less than 2 they break up and he finds another. He is a great guy just head strong to not get married or have a gal move in with him. He has the personality to live alone. Some people don't like that. He attrats girls who want that, no serious commitments. However when they start to hint of getting serious or moving in or marriage he breakes it off by slowley detaching and unwinding the relationship. I'm not sure what the issue is i.e. was his marriage that horrible that he fears commitment or is just enjoying his freedom, or afraid to co mingle his assets. I know he misses his wife terribly and it was a horrible to watch her secumb to cancer perhaps he fears death of a loved one to much to bear that burden again. His son lives back east 3,000 miles and no grand children. He has sisters but all but one live back east. He gets out there but I can say that when you start to date and connect with them you can expect that at middle age they come with the baggage so be flexable.

 

If you had been born male instead of being born an attractive female you would have a lot a more experience handling rejection by now

Vive la différence!

 

Hope it works out, I'd like to hear a good story.

 

I don't know if this helps but the one thing that lets me know my wife still likes me . . . she laughs at my jokes.

She must be a saint . . . or insane . . . or both of us are nuts.

Bob Wilson