Things you don't say to your wife

Thank you!

 

most excellent.

 

That's the "don't say" list.

The "do say" ?? It goes like this; "that's lovely dear".
My wife's grama Elias Gold had a saying too. "Gary, in marriage you can be happy, or you can be right"

If only I could remember these two nuggets at the appropriate time. sigh

 

OK - I sent my wife the link to this thread, she's watched the video so now I can add a couple of my own:

Never tell your wife that a guy says "yes dear" just so he can get the last word in.

and

Never tell your wife that a gentleman open doors for women so that they can check out their back sides when walking into the building.

 

They read these on Car Talk awhile back. This is a truly useful guide and I encourage all you guys to memorize it:

The Hormone Guide

From: Andrea G. Levitt Women will understand this and the men should memorize it!
Every woman knows that there are days in the month when all a man has to do is open his mouth and he takes his life into his own hands! This is a handy guide that should be as common as a driver's license in the wallet of every husband, boyfriend, co-worker or significant other!
About dinner:
DANGEROUS: What's for dinner?
SAFER: Can I help you with dinner?
SAFEST: Where would you like to go for dinner?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.
About clothes:
DANGEROUS: Are you wearing that?
SAFER: Wow, you sure look good in brown!
SAFEST: WOW! Look at you!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine
About money:
DANGEROUS: What are you so worked up about?
SAFER: Could we be overreacting?
SAFEST: Here's my paycheck.
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.
About food — dieting:
DANGEROUS: Should you be eating that?
SAFER: You know, there are a lot of apples left.
SAFEST: Can I get you a piece of chocolate with that?
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.
About her day:
DANGEROUS: What did you DO all day?
SAFER: I hope you didn't over-do it today.
SAFEST: I've always loved you in that robe!
ULTRA SAFE: Here, have some wine.
13 things PMS (Premenstrual Syndrom) really stands for:
1. Pass My Shotgun
2. Psychotic Mood Shift
3. Perpetual Munching Spree
4. Puffy Mid-Section
5. People Make me Sick
6. Provide Me with Sweets
7. Pardon My Sobbing
8. Pimples May Surface
9. Pass My Sweat pants
10. Pissy Mood Syndrome
11. Plainly; Men Suck
12. Pack My Stuff
and my favorite one,
13. Potential Murder Suspect
Pass this on to all of your hormonal friends and those who might need a good laugh! ...Or men who need a warning.
And remember: Money talks .... but Chocolate SINGS!!!

 

Here...I'll help you guys out so that you can learn from my personal experience. Get familiar with the color of your wife's eyes. (I'm the wife, by the way)

 

Don't every say this:
Remember when I used to want you all the time?

 

Strange how this topic surpasses all boundries, UK, US, Europe, wherever, it's that same.

 

I would also add:

1. If your short little extremely pregnant wife is wearing a green maternity jumpsuit, do NOT tell her that she looks like a "fat elf."

2. Do NOT spell your wife's first name wrong on the Christmas cards.

 

Sorry for the delay. I was on all fours, kissing my carpet, *extremely* happy that I'm still single

I've had co-workers live on my couch for a period of up to a week, for saying a *lot* less than the above, to their wife

 

I have been nailed on about 25 % of the things Tim Hawkins sang about...
other things not to say:
'did you really clean the toilet bowl"?
"Gee, how much to those pantyhose stretch"?
"Oh your mother's visiting, let me check my travel schedule at work"

Something a husband should think twice about:
teaching his wife to drive a stick shift car, especially a high performance sports cars

Those are my words of wisdom. Now I just say "I don't know what you mean you say you gained weight" "You look great"
and the funny thing is: I really didn't notice she gained weight... and she does look great.

I only have to look in the mirror if I really want to see real human imperfections.

 

This sounds like a death wish

 

Anyone remember the Herman cartoon where he said to his larger-than-wedding-day wife "I'm only married to half of you" ?

 

That's funny but no I don't remember that. I can tell you many things that will result in a meeting with a frying pan. Never say to you wife "Have you been sleeping on your boobs?"

 

Using the ex-'s name when addressing your current wife/partner.

One word... it may support justifiable homicide in some jurisdictions... :rip:

 

Don't tell you wife that she doesn't smell bad to sweat the way she does.

 

That's why they have DVDs. Much harder to record over.

I'm single too. Or as I was asked once....are you married or happy?

I can add some observations that have gotten my Dad in trouble. Like introductions: "I'd like you to meet my first wife."

You can also eliminate "ball and chain" and other derogatory substitutions.

 

Even if you think it is a family compliment do not ask your wife "If you die, would you mind if I married your sister?"