Things you don't say to your wife

I thought of one whose nastiness surprises me: "You wouldn't know a clean house if it fell on you." :moony:

 

I need a drink. Oi!

Seriously, this is scary stuff

 

My first marriage boo-boo's was...

She told me one day that she had lost 10 lbs, and I told her to "look behind her, she'd find it"

She threatened to "cut me off", once, and without looking up from the newspaper, I told her" she'd have to find out where I was getting it first"...damn, it took her almost 3 weeks to get over THAT one!

Second marriage...at least THIS lady has a SOH!!! She has to, to put up with me.

 

First husband: "You don't have a sense of humor, do you"

'Nuff said.

 

Happy Halloween Rae Vynn...:biggrin1:

 

Festive Samhain, Rae Vynn

 

Thank you.

 

"When you turn sixty, I'm going to trade you in on two thirty-year olds."

 

He tried that one. Reply from my Mother: "And I'll trade *you* in on two thrity year olds. And thirty goes into sixty a lot more times than sixty goes into thirty."

 

"The punishment for bigamy is having two wives" - Gomez Adams

After 22 years of a very happy marriage the thought of someone else or having two wives is simply incomprehensible. You'd have better luck teaching our dog calculus and she's a shih tzu!

 

having two mothers-in-law!

 

Don't ever tell your wife that if she wore a tight headband it would hold her face up.

 

Honey, you can drive my prius today, I'll take the old ford.

 

Ride it hard, you can't hurt it.

 

ahhh, and this one got me a dent in my head: "You look like you are pregnant again..is it mine?"

 

Well, Perry, I guess you left us all speechless with those last two. How's the little bump doing, by the way? No, not the one on your head.

 

So, tonight, I was at a meeting... and, there is this married couple that is very active in this organization (I'm being vague on purpose here)...
Well, the wife was being lauded about always being available to help, "And she's always available by phone. I never get the answering machine when I call her!"

From the back of the room, just as the room had one of those 'silent' moments, her husband was heard CLEARLY making an aside to another man, "Yeah, it's about the only sex I'm getting."

:tsk:

 

I have a feeling it wouldnt be quite the same in Saudi Arabia.

 

Never tell your wife her sister is better in the sack than her!! Especially while making love, and double especially if your making love to your wife and never if you never met the sister before your wedding night.

Never use this line when talking to a friend while your wife is present,
Friend: "Does your wife talk dirty to you while you have sex?"
You: "No I always take the phone off the hook when I have sex."

Sorry did I bring down the tone of the thread?

Never utter the girlfriends name on the rare occasion you are making love to your wife.:doh: