Why I want to be emperor of the world.

Daniel,

I certainly can empathize with your wish to be more than a mere man.
But typical of you, your wishes are far too modest. Shoot for the top...
Why not just wish to be a god, or if you must a demi-god.

First off you get rid of the bother of a corporeal body, you can come and
go as you wish, across all time and space, you don't even need Expedia.com,
cause you don't need a car.

Secondly, you can cause things to happen that are contrary to the alleged
"laws of physics" etc. You can cause floods, storms, raise people from the
dead. You can even inseminate without "consumating the act."
(See the Old Testament for a more complete listing.)

Thirdly, you get great perks. In pagan rituals, you even get offered virgins.
Cool, because you can then assume human form and enjoy the offerings,
with no guilt or consequences, they get burned in the morning. See? Free
room service, and you get clean towels too, if you but ask. In Christian
rituals, you get to return to your former godly state and enjoy a celestial
symphony of seraphabim, cherabims, etc, etc, playing your favorite MoTown
tunes, or whatever, on into eternity.

Lastly, and surely not least, your decisions and actions are unassailable.
You simplyexist, your actions are by definition yours and above question...
and there are no unintended consequences as you comprehend all possibilities
before you act. How cool is that? If as Mel Broks has said, "It's good to be the
king," how much infinitely better must it be to be a god?

Daniel, get a grip. It's too early for cabin fever.
Go for the gusto. Go for the real thing...
Go for god-hood.

If you make it, we can endlessly repeat the prayer,
"Oh god, protect me from your followers."

Psst!, Sir! You need a big E on emperor, like this: Emperor,
if for no other reason than to impress people.

 

An hour may run $200-$800 if the local escort services are any guide. Will have to look into this further to see what is all included

Smirk, you said "ball." I'm willing to throw an extra $50 into the pot, so that brings my contribution up to $100

See above. I don't have the specifics on what is included at that range of price.

Actually, we might be able to get a group discount

You're kidding, right? Working girls are found at most cheap motels, truck stops, almost every "escort" service is slang for whore service, etc.

Oh gawd, but you're just too picky!

Maybe Hitachi or another maker of industrial robotics will roll out a line of anatomically correct slave woman robots within the next 5-10 years, and your problems will be solved

Just make sure to use a quality surge protector on the power source. Bunny help you if you're right in the middle of it and lightning strikes a nearby power line

 

But seriously: anatomically correct robot slave woman

It's an idea whose time has come, if not actually overdue

 

Wow. Bold move, Daniel.

When I start off, I'll just do the simple, logical things first.

• Remove the Daylight Saving Time fiasco.
• Force everybody to use the metric system.
• Tipping will never be expected nor "compusory.
• Battery capacity, durability and safety limits will be repealed.
• Schools will have all the funding they need, while the Pentagon will have to hold bake sales and auctions to raise money.

Gettin' you a girlfriend is WAY harder, and will have to some somewhere pretty far down the list, I'm afraid.

 

Daniel, if you do become emperor, please abolish marriage.
And please distribute free viagra and condoms. Planet Earth would be a much happier place to live in.

 

Hookers are actually cheaper in the long run. :madgrin:

I would also contribute to the hooker fund except that I'm still unemployed.

 

As usual, the Japanese are way ahead on the engineering. I hope they add a "mute" button. :madgrin:

[ame=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nmIf-slNEC8]YouTube - Lifelike Japanese female robot[/ame]

 

True, however you should not underestimate the incidental long term expenses to keep a GF / Wife reasonably happy. Have you priced a complete remodel job on a house? :madgrin:

 

Get out of here! Are you saying that over 5,00 years of religious thought
initially preserved in oral tradition, divinely protected from error or
redaction, are completely wrong?

Alas! In this one sentence you have demonstrated why Emperor-hood
will forever be beyond you. Jefferson and Carter were humble Presidents,
not "humble emperors." Humble emperors don't get "laid," they get laid to
rest due ballistic lead poisoning.

But there is plenty of precedence for a humble god, see New testament
for a popularly acclaimed and much quoted example.

Note: Actually living by the claimed precepts is not a strict necessity.

 

:hug:

 

...

This was a JOKE you guys!
geesh

 

ummmmm ya ok ound:

 

Daniel, have you thought about getting acquainted with a good massage therapist?

No, it's not a substitute for sex... and it isn't really affection, but people seriously do NEED touch, and regularly scheduled massage sessions can really bring down the stress level, produce some endorphins, and maybe help you relax a bit. If you get a little more relaxed, maybe your shyness level might drop just a bit, and you might be a little more approachable/inclined to approach others.

I know that I am just happy as can be after a nice, hour-long massage.

 

+1 on this. Single men get the least amount of physical touch in their lives. It's more socially acceptable for women to get touch from hugging other women, children, etc.

 

You do realize that men can touch themselves, don't you? :madgrin:











I'm sorry. I just couldn't help it.

 

Hey Bra... one of your old neighbors is asking about ya...




Something about a dispute...

 

I knew I didn't say that part right. I meant that there would be nothing to worry about in the safety department... or durability, or capacity.

Sweet! I may just sleep with you myself!

I do realize this, yet thanks for the reminder. Say... what gender is your dog, friend?