Why I want to be emperor of the world.

Here in the states, they are independent contractors who can ask whatever they like. Prospective clients can bargain. It's actually a very predatory business. If the lady thinks you have money and are desperate, she can demand an outrageous price, And they are very secretive. Unless you know men who patronize them, you have no way of knowing what they normally charge. Brothels have their own chat boards, but anyone who dares post what he paid will be censored lightning fast.

My travel is for pleasure, and I'm not prepared to give that up just now.

I think I have many of those qualities. But when I ask a woman out, she typically reacts as though I had offered to mail her a bucket of dead mice.

I remember the time I asked a classmate (Spanish class) out for coffee. We had always sat next to each other, and we had always chatted a bit before and after class. Then I asked her out for coffee. She said no, and then turned away from me and called to a friend and began talking to her (something she had not done before while we were talking). For the next week or so she sat at the other side of the classroom from me, until she realized that I was not going to try asking her out again, and then she resumed sitting in her accustomed seat.

If this had been an isolated case, I could dismiss it by saying there was something wrong with her. But this is typical of the reaction I get. Even women who I've been friends with for a year or more refuse to date me.

These same woman insist that I'm a nice guy and would make "some woman" a great husband.

There are times I question my years of anti-nuclear protests and think maybe I should have been protesting in favor of total nuclear annihilation.

The topic is Why I want to be emperor of the world. Getting laid was just a minor perk, thrown in because I thought it would be amusing, and because every guy wants to get laid, and many women, too.

I want to be emperor of the world because I believe I could not botch it up any worse than the people running the world now, and because with one emperor over the whole world there would be no more war and no more religious strife. No more war because there'd be only one nation: mine; and no more religious strife because I'd decree that everyone has to believe in the same religion: Pastafarianism.

I think those are pretty good reasons.

 

I think you are right. But it is a lot harder to change or hide who you are than some folks might think. I try to keep my mouth shut when the situation calls for a statement that some folks might consider negative. On a good day, I can do it for a while. But who I am will come out eventually.

And even when I meet someone in a context where the conversation never gets onto those sorts of subjects (such as hiking with the hiking club) they still refuse an invitation for coffee.

I have taken dance classes. I lack the coordination. Any activity that requires any level of manual dexterity, I am lousy at. Carpentry, music, dance, etc. In Mexico I took a folk-dancing class. I though it would be holding hands and moving in a circle, like when I was in kindergarten. But it turned out to be very complicated footwork, and I was a complete klutz at it. In Cuba I took salsa dancing class, and even though the footwork was less complex, I was a disaster. Fortunately my dancing partner had a lot of experience and wore heavy work boots to protect her feet.

There's a movie where Antonio Banderas teaches inner-city kids to dance the Tango. That movie made me want to go to Argentina and take Tango lessons. But I might as well dream of flying by flapping my arms as dream of learning the Tango.

When I was I high school my mom was out of the country for a while and my step-mother sent me to ballroom dancing lessons. I could not even do simple steps. Within a few bars I get out of sync. The same thing happens when I listen to music at home and pretend to be the conductor: I get out of sync. Of course, then it doesn't matter. But I cannot stay in step. I suspect a brain dysfunction. I even have to proofread everything I type about three times because I make so many typos. Not just hitting the adjacent key, either, but typing an entirely different word: my fingers disobey my brain. I also have poor balance: I need to use two poles when I hike on mountain trails, because without them I fall down. Even with them I fall down sometimes.

I was good at African dancing, though, because you just shake your bum and move your feet, and if you are entirely out of time with the music nobody really cares.

 

As a believer in individual freedom (except with regard to religion and politics, which are destructive of the soul and society) I don't think there should be an "official music of the world." On the other hand, if I had a girlfriend who wanted to take over some of the responsibility of rule, and she had strong feelings about this or that policy matter, of course I'd not object.

I loved that movie. For the dancing. Not that I am against hitman movies. The Professional, with Jean Reno was a great movie. The plot of Assassination Tango was poor and the acting mediocre, but I loved the dancing.

A friend of my dad and step-mother did that. He'd approach women at parties and ask them straight out if they'd like to screw. As my dad tells the story, 9 times out of ten he'd get slapped in the face, and one time out of ten he'd get laid.

Problem is, you have to say it with more confidence than someone as pathologically shy as I am can muster.

Five days??? Five lousy days to fix the world??? You gotta be kidding! It would take me two or three months just to select my cabinet. Then it would take a year to convert the economy to peace-time production. Factories have to be re-tooled, armaments engineers have to re-orient to consumer manufacturing. Then schools have to be massively upgraded and it will take years to graduate new teachers and doctors.

Give me five years and I guarantee an improvement in quality of life and a clear indication of where the new direction is taking us.

 

Actually, no. It probably took a few billion years to accrete out of the solar disk, a half a billion or so to solidify and accumulate oceans, another half a billion maybe for life to appear, and another four billion or so for humans to evolve. I'd say that's not "about the same amount of time" as five days. And besides, I'm not laying claim to being the FSM. I'm just saying I could do a better job of running human affairs than the jerks who are in charge now.

 

Fiction is fun, but not when you use it to try to justify why I should only need 5 days to fix the world. Give me a couple of years at least! You of all people should agree that I'd be a better ruler than the U.S. government. I'd tax the hell out of gasoline and the cars that burn it and mandate safe bicycle routes (protected from car traffic) everywhere.

And science is so much more amazing than any science fiction ever written!

 

I still say I need more time than to the end of September to fix the world's problems.