The Repo Poll

Of course I say sell the thing, no child "needs" a car.

I'm sure there are those who will disagree. I'm also sure there are those who will insist teenagers should be provided with their own apartment - preferably a house - to avoid the trauma of living with their parents.

Tsk tsk.

 

:grumbles:

...too many damned polls...

:fumes:

 

A: to teach and/or reinforce responsibility.

i admit by the time i have a job in my field we will be fairly comfortable financially speaking. (heck, with my piddly stipend we still bought a new car...) does this mean that our future children will "get" cars just because? no. we had to learn the hard way and it WORKED. we will teach our children that same way.

when my husband gets enough experience to justify a big loan from the bank and opens his own shop... do you think if our kids want a job at the family business they'll be offered one with open arms? no, they will have to earn their keep and probably be worked harder than the other employees. to teach them that work ethic is the only thing that gets you anywhere in life.

i could go on and on, but i think i've made my point clear. just because you have the funds does not justify spoiling your kids.

 

That's not quite true. While I personally have a strong work ethic and I feel that others should too, I'm finding that our society as a whole is drifting away from this philosophy. It almost seems now easier to make a ton of money off of suing someone else then to try and make an honest living. To little personal responsibility IMO.


--GD

 

Who in this forum has "infinite" funds? Let’s try to concentrate on the Real World.

For the average family with some means, such as the families I know of, the results are quite clear: those that showered their kids with everything almost uniformly had kids who went bad. Those who made their kids understand how the Real World works had kids who overwhelmingly turned out decent.

If you learn responsibility by the time you're old enough to legally drive a car, you should be ok for the rest of your life. For some reason - despite an average longer life span - we appear to be extending childhood into the 20's or later.

I see it all around me, even here at work. For some reason I'm stuck with all the interns the company picks up for summer. I also have to closely monitor new hires. Since I’m a contract employee, I actually make more taking on this responsibility, but I no longer see it worth my time.

These are students already in their mid twenties, by now they should be used to working hard and “getting it.†On the contrary, around 90% are lazy, insolent, pathetic creatures who suddenly expect the big bucks and big perks for sitting on their fat nice person.

“Uh, see that digester tank, and the black liquor system next to it? Crawl into that tank to check out the probes. You won’t? You’re fired, have a nice life.â€

Oh, it’s not like I personally wouldn’t crawl into the empty and clean tank to check the probes. I do nasty stuff like that all the time, and it’s a good way for a beginner to understand how/why the interior baffles are shaped the way they are. Or why you have an RTD or two in a packed tower.

Don’t accuse me of fulfilling some evil vendetta against younger people. When hired I carefully explain what the company in general – and myself in particular – expect of them. That we set VERY high standards, that there is the concept of a “probationary period†where they can expect to be closely monitored, and how until they sign the paper they are free to get up and walk out with no hard feelings.

After being s*** canned some have even gone crying to Mommy and Daddy. Gosh, what a tragedy, we actually expected them to WORK for a living! Tough.

 

From what I have personally witnessed, highly improbable.

No I haven't worked out ANOVA, F&T, Weibull, Monte Carlo, heteroscedasticity, or all the usual culprits. Yes I have had all four years of college stats.

 

My eldest brother was the first in our family to finish high school and get a Bachelor's, started his own business and did very well. His wife is a teacher. They discussed what they wanted for their children before they married.

They sent the four kids to the best private schools in the state and paid all college costs. If any of them wanted to do graduate school, their parents would also pay for two years of a Master's program or four years of a Doctorate. Any expenses outside of education costs, e.g. living expenses and frills, had to be earned by working during summers and through scholarships and work-study programs. This forced them to control their spending habits and to live within their (earned) means.

The four kids were expected to do well in school, from day one. Grades came first, play meant extracurricular activities. If grades slipped (anything below an "A"), more study time was scheduled. They had the native smarts needed to excell and were given the means to do so.

The eldest felt an obligation to minimize his drain on the family's resources, chose to do ROTC and is now a Major in the Army. I wouldn't call him spoiled. At least not to his face.
The second studied Russian and Chinese, got into computers, works two jobs as a computer programer and is sloghing towards a PhD in Medical Engineering. He originally wanted to design better prostheses but is now fascinated by the possibilites in mechanical/computer/human links.
The third is an architect in Seattle.
Youngest is in a PhD (genetics) program, studying neurotoxins in jellyfish. She also, and this floored me when I saw her portfolio, does some modeling.

They consider themselves a family, they all are eating out of the same pot. When the father's business hit a rough spot, the eldest child helped pay the youngest's college tuition out of his military paycheck. For them, it's not a question of what can I get Daddy to buy for me, it's what am I supposed to be doing with all these gifts I/we have, what do I give back to the future.

 

Well, here is the update. I was able to have a short but pleasant chat with my daughter today. She told me the car was all cleaned up and the keys were available so I could get it. She was WAYYY to calm about it, so, I took a stab. I asked if she had a replacement car....she confirmed she did.



Well, at least that answers the question about whether I should sell it or not. I had a flash of a desire to speak to her Mom about allowing this....teaches a bad lesson....walk away from a committment w/ no consequence....but, sadly, there will be. It will just be delayed. Not worth it...Mystery Squid, I'm just gonna "move on".

The conversation was friendly and she is going to get premier seats to her school play...did I mention she will be the lead? I love her dearly, but I worry so.....

 

Still being somewhat of a "kid" myself (almost 24), i i might bring a different perspective to the table than most people here.

To start, if you are truely interested in raising kids with good work ethics, you might want to try reading a book "Rich Dad Poor Dad" by Robert T. Kiyosaki (ISBN: 0-446-67745-0). For me, at least, it really helped to show what set different "types" of people apart.

As far as the issue of having parents just give stuff to their children, I think it all depends on what form the gift takes. Looking back, my parents gave me a lot of stuff. From a Nintendo when i was 5 to a computer when i was 16 and my first car when i was 18. None of these gifts, however, came without a price. At all points they reserved the right to take them back if my grades slipped, which they never did. Additionally, they would use smaller items (oh oh, i just have to have that new video game but i'm broke) as incentives for going above and beyond in my grades (finished in the top 10% of high school, at a very competitive school).

Additionally, they, along with my grandparents, set up a college fund for me. Now, the fund wasn't infinite, but it would have been more than enough to pay for 4-5 years at a Big 10 school. Instead, i went out and earned a boat load of scholarship money so i could go to a better school (not to knock the Big 10 schools), and had enough money left over to pay for housing and a 5th year masters program (also had a fellowship for that).

All in all, i never really had less given to me than my spoiled friends, but i ended up at a point in my life that is totally different from them. I'm about to graduate in May, and earned a really nice job offer (Based on past graduates, it'll be in the top 5% of my graduating class from my masters program) last summer as an intern. Additionally, i just got my nice new car, curtesy of my Dad's checkbook. (this is the very last thing i get from either parent) The car comes at the end of a 4 year deal i had with my dad, where as i would get a new car when i graduate undergrad (put it off for a bit) if i had a higher GPA than he did in undergrad, and if i was lower than him, i would have to pay him back every penny that went towards my schooling.

IMHO, using gifts as incentives for hard work and dedication to a task can be an outstanding reward for children, while still ensuring that they learn the hard lessons. It's not neccissary to force them to earn every penny for what they want, and besides, that might lead to a situation where they resent you because all of their friends have cars.