Friends and friendship

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rufaro @ Aug 19 2006, 09:40 PM) [snapback]306113[/snapback]</div>

Most do.. its the safest.

And it hard to find anyone who is open to intimacy because they too have been wounded.

Whether you are shallow are not may not be tied to that issus at all.

You can be shallow and still be intimate, or be deep and not intimate.

If you have been recently burned and are in "protection mode", its a healthy protective mechanism that says.... "hey, I've been recently burned and am trying to heal and I can't bear another blow right now, so i will protect myself".

I see nothing wrong with that scenario.

However, sometimes we never heal, or heal wrongfully without proper salve and norishment in the healing process so we "scar".

When we scar, the wound or the reminder of the wound never seems to leave and so we are permantly altered in how we react and respond to others.

The interesting thing is that that life is composed chiefly of relationships.

In spite of all the money you make and how much you own, it all boils down to relationships.

Whether you are talking about this practical physical realm we live in, or the spirit realm... its still all about relationships.
Whether awake or asleep, you cannot escape.

Therefore, if relationships can never be nourished to the point of having rewarding healthy interactions, then we miss out on the purpose of life and will be bankrupt and empty at the end of our lives?

When you die and go to wherever you think you will go, the only indication in the bible of anything you will take to the other side, is not what you have built, or your money, but only your relationships and what you have learned and aquired from them in the ability to learn to have faith, love, trust etc.

It indicates we will know our loved ones and those who we knew on earth.


Thats the damage if this time, we have been so damaged as a culture, we have lost the ability to love or give.

I'm just saying if someone is "stuck" in that mode, they need to seek healing and not think its normal just because so many other people suffer with it too.

If most people had leprosy, would that make it normal and ok to have without seeking healing?

Sometimes the real asset is just to "know" we are wounded and need healing... then when the time is right, we will be open to it.

But many are wounded, broken, corrupted, and decieved and have no idea... thats the real saddness that deepens the disease and lessens the likelyhood of any futhur healing.

Not trying to preach... just point out some things to think about and make life more rewarding.

But we can't stupid be fools and just let any bozo in our lives either. If you step in a bear trap, expect it to trap you!

Cheers!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(windstrings @ Aug 19 2006, 10:33 PM) [snapback]306080[/snapback]</div>

 

I have a hard time bonding with people. general mistrust of the human race. i'd like to believe everyone's a good person but life experience has made me wary. that and a large percentage of the world's population are shallow in their own degree's.

The line of work I do, has shown me that you just never know someone. Kinda jaded, I guess you could say . The friends I have are mostly "aquaintance friends" I have two real Friends that would help me hide the bodies too. h34r:

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(priusguy04 @ Aug 23 2006, 07:59 PM) [snapback]308639[/snapback]</div>

The place I just moved I really like, people assume your innocent until proven guilty!... they are very family oriented and enjoy spending time and talking and bonding with you and each other...

Of course the other side of that coin is if you do burn someone, they don't take it lightly!...

Not a good Idea to cross the Texas State patrol or such!... or even some of the local citizens for that matter.. they have a way of taking the law into t hier own hands if no one else will!

But because of that, people respect each others boundaries more!..

Definaltely refreshing!...

Of course all big cites are big cites and any time to get so many people in one spot competing for resources... like freeway space etc.. there is tension and the Love for fellow man is stressed,
But out here in the country in this small town I'm in, people actually treat you like a person instead of a monster first.

Packed City dwelling promotes a frenzy for abusers, wolves and those who love taking advantage of the pure in mind and heart.

There are still a few places in this world that are nice to live.....

 

Have three VERY close friends....one lives in Wisonsin, so we talk on the phone a lot...the other two live near me...the two near me, friends for about 30 years!

My hubby is my best friend...

and my dog...Cinderbella (that's Cindy below...not my husband...he isn't that hairy)

 

I have just of handful of super great friends. My husband, my mom, my girlfriend Karen and my 3 animals(Spock, Sushi & Red Bean)... Oh! And my car. I don't get to see my other good friends as often anymore.


Here's my doggie, Red Bean:

 

I find it very strange that this thread was started on my birthday.

I lost 3 very good friends last year for various reasons and have been grappling with the empty spaces.

I think that computers and the media craze have definitely lead to greater isolation.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(barbaram @ Aug 24 2006, 10:45 PM) [snapback]309211[/snapback]</div>

Todays modern life in general seems to do that.

There are only 24 hours in a day to do everything, and we give so much of that time to watching other peoples lives in the form of a TV program, there is little for our own....spending 3 hours reading books every evening would accomplish the same thing.

Nothing to really feel too guilty about per se, the folks you miss are doing the same thing!..

Its just a fact of modern life.

Our jobs move us to evey place in the country and many times... it stinks to stay in the same place all your life, especially if that place is not good.

But one thing I have recently learned to appreciate..... especially while ine midst of my move to Texas, my only brother was shot in the head and killed....

Being close to family and if you do look at the boob tube, at least doing it with family helps..
I didn't know how much I missed them until I got them back again.

Life seems to zip by pretty fast and before you know it, we don't even know our family anymore.

I have been away from my family for 24 years and have finally moved back to my roots.....

It feels better than I thought it would!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(heliotropehead @ Aug 24 2006, 01:51 PM) [snapback]308833[/snapback]</div>

Heliotropehead I have a pet name "Sushi" too... a lop eared angora bunny. He and my other twio pets I would also include under the heading of friends. In addition to the four-legged friends, I also have a few close friends long time friends--by long-time I mean anybody known for more than a decade), one PIC (partner in crime), and a younger sister who might qualify as a friend. I've never had many close men-friends only because the attraction thing usually eventually becomes problematic. But I do believe it's extremely important to cultivate and nurture friendships.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(AuntBee @ Aug 27 2006, 09:46 PM) [snapback]310427[/snapback]</div>

Yea, the attraction thing is quite a mystery.

You can have a friend for life, or if you have a son or daughter, they too are for life, but it seems a marriage can be undone very easy now a days.

The security of having the undying love is very distant with the fragility of marriage.

Tis ashame.... marriage is supposed to be a lifetime union, but seems less reliable than a mere friend as far as security.

So many expectations!.... Its a miracle, but I've been married 24 years and I still don't have that security!

So many things can go wrong that may cause the other partner to want to walk away.

We are so imperfect and riddled with faults, and it is a bit unnerving to know that if the other person really knew everything about you, they may leave?

A son or daughter can get in jail, play around with various sexes, do all sorts of unthinkable things and the mothers love is still there......

Its a bit funny in the sense that we ofter wish we could even leave ourselves, have anothers life, anothers money, house or even family... but we can't... so why can we leave in marriage if we are truly one?
How many times have you woke up and wished you could "divorce" yourself?

I agree, its better to live apart than to live in total hell or abuse... even the Lord saw fit to provide divorce due to our hardness of heart to keep us from literally killing each other!

Life is too short to be miseable the whole time... but one the other hand... what happened to the unquestioned acceptance that it seems only our pets give?

Seems in these last days the distractions of so many lusts causes us to end up self seeking and be survivalist rather than giving loving souls.

What would we do without our pets?

 

Here is another thought about friends and friendship...or, I guess, more of a question...How many friends have you lost, not because of your own (real or imagined) shortcomings, but because of the objections of a "significant other?" This can cover everything from a poker night to a grrrrlz night out, and the friend in question is not necessarily of the opposite sex. For example, one friend of mine, who I have known since I was 12, went through various boyfriends who would object to her spending ANY time with ANYONE else--especially one who had known her longer than he had.

Never mind the female friends who would make arrangements with another female friend that would stand until the guy of the moment called and made a "better" offer.

Is a "date" better or more than a friendship?

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rufaro @ Sep 11 2006, 12:16 PM) [snapback]317757[/snapback]</div>

Fortunately, I haven't lost any friends as a result of a significant other's objections. I do have friends whose spouses I don't really like, but out of respect for our friendship, I don't say anything.

It seems to me your friend was, unfortunately, picking abusive boyfriends. Isolating is a classic tactic of abusers. If this were happening with a friend of mine, I would try to talk to her about it and understand why she felt it was OK. But I wouldn't belabor it, either. If she made this choice and doesn't see a problem with it, I won't be able to help. She needs to understand why she's willing to accept that from someone who's supposed to care about her. If she were willing to actually talk about it with me, I would encourage her to speak with a counselor of some kind. If I'm met with hostility/denial, then I have to decide if I can be friends with someone in that space.

Substitute he and him as you see fit.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rufaro @ Sep 11 2006, 12:16 PM) [snapback]317757[/snapback]</div>

My experience is this has more to do with a person's opinion of himself than the strength of a friendship. If you measure your self worth by having a SO, even a little bit, then a date can carry more weight than a friendship.

That kind of thinking also crosses into family relationships. I know someone who is estranged from her family because she finally got fed up with her father's abusiveness (verbal & psychological). Her mother continues to make apologies for his atrocious behavior and allows herself to be subjected to it.

 

By such prioritizations, seen as opportunistic or not, are friendships naturally winnowed.

Insecure people are first and foremost possesive, and, even worse, usually possessive ot their SOs not as whole people, but as pacifiers or other objects of need.

Not said only with disdain; done that.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(windstrings @ Aug 28 2006, 09:28 AM) [snapback]310576[/snapback]</div>

"Last days" aside, well-said, windstrings.