173k, head gasket time, darn it.

Thanks! Wanna see a REALLY nice-looking photo? How about this:

 

Confirmed blown head gasket on cylinder 2 and took very careful measurements, found no difference in height between 2 and 3. Rods are straight. PHEW!!! I am a happy home mechanic.

Here's the HG, by the way. You can see where the coolant was getting into the cylinder right near the middle - the shiny bit from the hole in the head gasket to the cylinder edge.

 

LOL yes I sure did. I also cranked the motor halfway and checked they were all at the same depth so either all 4 rods are bent evenly or none of them are

Felpro gasket kit on the way. I wasn't going to bother buying that until I knew for sure.