Are kids worth having?

Back in the early seventies I was told that becoming a parent was an option, not an obligation. I was immediately captured by the idea - control over destiny, a right to decide whether or not to become a parent.

The concept was freeing.

I'm now almost beyond child-bearing age, very much looking forward to being free of that particular worry!

This is a question with impact on the level of the individual and on the society.

Would offspring of mine have had a net positive effect on the economy and on society in general? I like to assume so. But I think the decision not to have kids was the right one for me, just as the decision to raise families were the right ones for my siblings.

 

My deliberate choice to not have children was mostly based on my very violent upbringing. It has been shown that those who come from abusive childhoods have a greater chance of passing that trait down through the generations and I would never wish my childhood on my offspring. I methodicaly and deliberately chose to break the cycle by not passing my genes through the generations. I love children, babysit friend's children often, and thought I would simply mate with a person who already had children. Far from looking at my choice as selfish, I look upon it as a gift to my unborn offspring. The neighborhood kids love me, no I'm not a pervert, and my friends relish the time they have alone together knowing their little sweeties are being looked after by a loving and responsible person.

 

This is very interesting. Thank you for posting. I'm 27 and still not 100% certain whether or not kids are for me. I hope by 30 I'll have made up my mind.

 

Only if they don't give trouble and will be around when you are old and need them to return the "favor" of supporting you in your old age.

 

Having raised kids for nearly half my years, I cannot imagine my life without them. But that's my life, not yours. I would certainly support someone's decision not to have children. As an aside, I've always wondered why it's more difficult to qualify for a driver's licence than it is to 'qualify' to have children.

 

The purpose of life is to reproduce. At 6.5 billion humans and climbing, we have done a more than excellent job of reproducing - with little thought to long-term sustainability or quality of life. We have overshot the carrying capacity of Earth - and are just beginning to recognize the consequences: social and economic conflicts, resource limits, wars, climate change, water and air contamination.

Those who choose not to reproduce or limit their reproduction to two or fewer should be lauded. These people show long-term social responsibility and concern for others. Living within your means and thinking and acting long-term draws from the parable of the ant and the grasshopper: think, plan ahead and reap or suffer the consequences.

Our current methods are "Tragedy of the Commons" (Hardin, 1968) where everyone derives benefits but no one has direct responsibility. The commons suffers and everyone suffers together. A few may have an advantage for a short time, but ultimately the commons and everyone suffers.

Some argue that there are many surpluses: open space, excess food, uninhabited land and water, skilled and unskilled people ready and willing to work, human creativity, etc. However, we fail to recognize biological and physical limits and we assume that humans are the ultimate and all other organisms, ecosystems and resources don't have value, except when put to use by humans. By spending natural capital we reduce carrying capacity and sustainability in all sectors. We continue to focus on resource extraction (i.e., fossil fuels) while overlooking climate appropriate architecture and renewable energy sources (wind, hydro, solar, conservation). Economics and culture focus on immediate gratification, not long-term investments.

We need to strive for long-term sustainable quality, make every child wanted, healthy and well educated. The current concept of "more is better" is doomed to natural limits and disappointment. Hardin's "Living on a Lifeboat" concept means that some countries (lifeboats) are full and overflowing while others have extra room and supplies. Migration is only successful short-term. No rational person suggests that the US welcome more immigrants until our "lifeboat" capsizes and overturns. At almost 300 million residents we are approaching our carrying capacity. We have ignored limits by substituting oil for knowledge. With peak oil on the horizon, we must now apply knowledge and strive for efficiency - recognizing we must limit our own fertility for our own, and our children's, well being.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(MarinJohn @ Mar 31 2006, 10:42 AM) [snapback]232915[/snapback]</div>

i have struggled with that very question for a while now. i would like to think that by trying to better myself through things like education and hard work that i've risen above the oblivious-parent-completely-dependent-on-abusive-stepparent kind of situation. i would like to think i could do best by my children in any situation. i still question myself because it's a scary thought, becoming the one thing you most feared for all those years. whether it's genetics or life experiences that bring it on. my husband loves kids, as do i, and we would love to have two but no more. with him having a substantially more normal upbringing than me, i think we would be able to pull it off. but we're not ready to go ahead and do that just yet.

 

I sure didn't think so. Was happy without kids... then I had one. Without getting TOO mushy, I just have to say that I honestly didn't know what love was until I had my own kid. Yes, I thought I loved my wife, and of course I do in a sense - but there is NOTHING like the love I have for my kid. (and any excuse for a picture is a good excuse, right?)

 

She's beautiful!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TonyPSchaefer @ Mar 31 2006, 02:49 PM) [snapback]233034[/snapback]</div>

My husband and I feel the same... but at the same time I would love to walk a little person to school every morning. On my way to work I watch the dads hold the hands of their daughters and my heart breaks. I grew up without a father and know that my husband would be the father to our children that I always dreamed of. For the time being however, I enjoy spending my money on us and not having to worry if my children are safe... if their friends can be trusted, if I have enough money to afford a good school, etc. I have two cats that I adore and would love to add a weiner dog to our family one day, too.



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Thanks guys... but I warn you - don't go egging me on! LOTS more where that came from.

Being a parent is by far the hardest job I've ever had. And I do it for about 14 hours/day, seven days/week - even on vacation! And while I'm totally serious that I originally had NO intention of having a child (for all the reasons mentioned in this thread), I honestly can say that I'd have missed out on much of what life can really mean. But that's me, and my situation. I'll preach about fossil-fuel use all day long, but I will NOT preach about having kids! For me it turned out to be the right decision. And one was plenty!

And for those of you who are sick of the "oh, you've GOT to have kids" crap... let me tell you that it doesn't stop after you have one kid! Might as well not have any unless you have at least two, according to most multi-kid families. It never ends. I too, get discouraged to hear others telling me what's best for my situation. We all need to make our own decisions, and I'm (now) really glad that the decision my wife handed down to me was the right one.

 

You know, to those who put "the world" first in their opinion, get this: The world WILL end regardless of whether or not you choose to have children. At SOME point, life is going to suck for everyone on this planet as we start down the path (it can be argued we were set on that path as soon as life began) of extinction.

It's like death. Inevitable.

It's like thinking we should conserve fossil fuels. Big deal, so we run out in 10 years versus 5.

Enjoy your lives, take the chance, have kids, before the option is gone forever, worse yet, in utter vain.

 

and the answer to that question to my wife and I is: DEFINATELY

 

I was a single parent. I had a child without really being prepared but in the years that we have had together it has been a wonderful experience.

My daughter is now 29 and she and her husband are not sure that they want kids. They may adopt as opposed to having one "of their own". Hate that term, biology aside, bonding with a child is what parenting is not biology.

Too many people have throw away kids. I think it would not be a bad thing for people to have a few more hoops to jump through before they can become parents.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Salsawonder @ Mar 31 2006, 01:25 PM) [snapback]233112[/snapback]</div>

Considering the stakes involved, I'd support more challenges to becoming a parent AND to becoming a licensed driver.

 

It should be a personal choice IMHO, although in some very densely populated areas of the planet such as Shanghai, Hong Kong, Lagos, Rio or Caracas one would be predisposed to say STOP...!

Sustainability is a major factor.

I don't know how to take the ones who constantly blame themselves and thier kids for not being able to afford certain lifestyle or accomplish certain expectations in life because they have decided to have many kids. On many occasions same people will put down all the yuppies for their choice of not having kids. I also have huge admiration and recognition to those who have raised their children to the best of their abilities without to much bitching about it, as that was their personal choice for the hardest job known; raising children.

Perhaps one day mankind will be issuing licenses for children or it will be decided on a lottery based system.