Bush in West Virginia: I Will Pardon Al Gore's Son

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/chris-case/b...-i_b_54954.html

Chris Case: Bush in West Virginia: I Will Pardon Al Gore's Son

George Bush, in West Virginia today to celebrate the Fourth for the fourth straight year, gave a moving speech on the war on terror. After the speech, however, he was in his usual jovial mood. While standing in the sun, he pointed to a shady spot under an umbrella, telling party-goers that he was going to "eat some pigs in a blanket over there, so I don't have to eat them over here." After the speech, a reporter asked him about last night's traffic stop involving Al Gore's son (he had a bunch of weed and enough prescription drugs to knock out Gary Busey). Bush thought for a second and then said, "If he's convicted, I will pardon him. Just to f**k with people." The place erupted with applause.

As the party continued, the hot topic was Gore's kid's arrest. Guests were amazed to hear that a Prius could drive at speeds of over 100 MPH, prompting some West Virginians to say that they might consider getting a Prius after all. In fact, one local man, Randy Crockett, told the president that a Prius had once driven into town and all of the town folk starting shooting at it, thinking it was an alien space ship. Bush belched and then quickly said, "Pardon me." Again, gales of laughter.

The party was rollicking until well into the early evening, when Dick Cheney blew off a guy's face with an M-80.

Bush made it a point to defend himself, even invoking Clinton's pardons. He told reporters that Scooter Libby was no Marc Rich. "This is a national security breach, not a complex and hard-to-understand overseas tax scam. There's a big difference!"

He then turned philosophical for a moment, saying that he had a good reason for commuting Libby's sentence. "That guy knows enough s**t about me to put me in the hoosegow for life."