Canada overwhelmed by illegal US immigrants

Prizzle · Jun 7, 2006

Manitoba Herald, Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.

grasshopper · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Prizzle @ Jun 7 2006, 09:23 AM) [snapback]267167[/snapback]</div>

Manitoba Herald, Canada

The flood of American liberals sneaking across the border into Canada has intensified in the past week, sparking calls for increased patrols to stop the illegal immigration. The actions of President Bush are prompting the exodus among left-leaning citizens who fear they'll soon be required to hunt, pray, and agree with Bill O'Reilly.

Canadian border farmers say it's not uncommon to see dozens of sociology professors, animal-rights activists and Unitarians crossing their fields at night.

"I went out to milk the cows the other day, and there was a Hollywood producer huddled in the barn," said Manitoba farmer Red Greenfield, whose acreage borders North Dakota. The producer was cold, exhausted and hungry. "He asked me if I could spare a latte and some free-range chicken. When I said I didn't have any, he left. Didn't even get a chance to show him my screenplay, eh?"

In an effort to stop the illegal aliens, Greenfield erected higher fences, but the liberals scaled them. So he tried installing speakers that blare Rush Limbaugh across the fields. "Not real effective," he said. "The liberals still got through, and Rush annoyed the cows so much they wouldn't give milk."

Officials are particularly concerned about smugglers who meet liberals near the Canadian border, pack them into Volvo station wagons, drive them across the border and leave them to fend for themselves.

"A lot of these people are not prepared for rugged conditions," an Ontario border patrolman said. "I found one carload without a drop of drinking water. "They did have a nice little Napa Valley cabernet, though."

When liberals are caught, they're sent back across the border, often wailing loudly that they fear retribution from conservatives. Rumors have been circulating about the Bush administration establishing re-education camps in which liberals will be forced to drink domestic beer and watch NASCAR races.

In recent days, liberals have turned to sometimes-ingenious ways of crossing the border. Some have taken to posing as senior citizens on bus trips to buy cheap Canadian prescription drugs. After catching a half-dozen young vegans disguised in powdered wigs, Canadian immigration authorities began stopping buses and quizzing the supposed senior-citizen passengers on Perry Como and Rosemary Clooney hits to prove they were alive in the '50s.

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

Canadian citizens have complained that the illegal immigrants are creating an organic-broccoli shortage and renting all the good Susan Sarandon movies. "I feel sorry for American liberals, but the Canadian economy just can't support them," an Ottawa resident said. "How many art-history majors does one country need?"

In an effort to ease tensions between the United States and Canada, Vice President Dick Cheney met with the Canadian ambassador and pledged that the administration would take steps to reassure liberals, a source close to Cheney said. We're going to have some Peter, Paul & Mary concerts. And we might put some endangered species on postage stamps. The President is determined to reach out," he said.
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LOL :lol: :lol: :lol:

Mystery Squid · Jun 7, 2006

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Awesome!

This line in particular had me cracking up:

"If they can't identify the accordion player on The Lawrence Welk Show, we get suspicious about their age," an official said.

:lol:

dbermanmd · Jun 7, 2006

Now with the Canadian terror plot that was busted and i am sure with a total disregard to their constitutional rights, Canadian liberals have their bowels in an uproar. I am sure we are going to see bidirectional liberal flight.

I have an idea - we can trade our liberals for hard working mexican undocumented workers who will do jobs liberals are unwilling to do - like defend our country :lol:

Sufferin' Prius Envy · Jun 7, 2006

Canada overwhelmed by illegal US immigrants?

They are so appreciative for the brain flow into the country which had been flowing outward for a long time . . . Canadians are now overwhelmed with emotions and hope for the future?

The existing business executives overwhelmed and in awe of the acumen, fresh ideas, and work ethic of the new executives which will be taking their jobs â€“ for more money?

dbermanmd · Jun 7, 2006

Manatoba, Canada:

The Canadian lumber industry has expressed great fear about its future. Apparently with the large influx of liberals from the United States there is a growing majority of Canadian's that view cutting down trees as environmentally destructive and adding to the effects of global warming. A bill was introduced to immediately cease and desist from harvestingn all trees in Canada. The liberals argue that trees represent a finite resource and their harvesting is bad for the planet. Even though the most modest economic projections of the fallout of the bills passage present a bleak picture, liberals are unfazed by the economic dislocations their bill would cause.

There is now a growing sentiment amongst Canadians to build a wall to prevent additional American liberals from crossing the border into Canada. However, the current U.S. admininstration and the majority of Americans themselves threatened to take action if such a wall was built.

larkinmj · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(dbermanmd @ Jun 7 2006, 10:46 AM) [snapback]267217[/snapback]</div>

Now with the Canadian terror plot that was busted and i am sure with a total disregard to their constitutional rights, Canadian liberals have their bowels in an uproar. I am sure we are going to see bidirectional liberal flight.

I have an idea - we can trade our liberals for hard working mexican undocumented workers who will do jobs liberals are unwilling to do - like defend our country :lol:
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I served as an officer in the U.S. Navy. I'll ask you again (you never answered me the first time- "still waiting", "knocking on your door", etc.)- please tell us about your military service!

dbermanmd · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(larkinmj @ Jun 7 2006, 11:42 AM) [snapback]267246[/snapback]</div>

I served as an officer in the U.S. Navy. I'll ask you again (you never answered me the first time- "still waiting", "knocking on your door", etc.)- please tell us about your military service!
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I never served in the military. And your point?

larkinmj · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(dbermanmd @ Jun 7 2006, 11:50 AM) [snapback]267250[/snapback]</div>

I never served in the military. And your point?
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My point? I defended my country, you did not. I don't criticize anyone for not serving in the military; in fact I commend people who don't serve in the military out of conviction. But when you say"liberals are unwilling to defend their country"- well, from you, that is nothing but trash talk.

Schmika · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(larkinmj @ Jun 7 2006, 12:01 PM) [snapback]267262[/snapback]</div>

My point? I defended my country, you did not. I don't criticize anyone for not serving in the military; in fact I commend people who don't serve in the military out of conviction. But when you say"liberals are unwilling to defend their country"- well, from you, that is nothing but trash talk.
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I'm sorry, people like Kerry and now Murtha have destroyed the argument that you must have served in the military to be able to speak of defending your country.

BTW, I serve in the "civilian" military. Kill zone every working day!!!!!!!!

Mystery Squid · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Schmika @ Jun 7 2006, 12:12 PM) [snapback]267274[/snapback]</div>

I'm sorry, people like Kerry and now Murtha have destroyed the argument that you must have served in the military to be able to speak of defending your country.

BTW, I serve in the "civilian" military. Kill zone every working day!!!!!!!!
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Actually, I just had this thought:

"What's MORE dangerous? Serving in the military for 4 years, 8 years, or 12, or a lifetime of policework?". I bet policework (depending upon where of course)....

dbermanmd · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(larkinmj @ Jun 7 2006, 12:01 PM) [snapback]267262[/snapback]</div>

But when you say"liberals are unwilling to defend their country"- well, from you, that is nothing but trash talk.
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You are quite wrong. Whatever opinions I have are as valid as any you have. By serving in the military does not elevate your opinion about anything as general as liberal ideology. If on the other hand you spent 20 years on the war planning board in the Pentagon as a specialist in Middle East geopolitics, than I might grant you that your opinion concerning specifically the war as its being conducted or issues related to that specific topic might be more informed than mine - notice how my opinion would still be valid because after all it is my opinion and opinions are simply that - opinions.

And the fact is still that liberals want a weak United States and cherish situations like Haditha - even come to PREMATURE conclusions when they can attack and denegrade our military. Abu Graib too -- the actions of so few taken by liberals to tarnish so many.

larkinmj · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Schmika @ Jun 7 2006, 12:12 PM) [snapback]267274[/snapback]</div>

I'm sorry, people like Kerry and now Murtha have destroyed the argument that you must have served in the military to be able to speak of defending your country.

BTW, I serve in the "civilian" military. Kill zone every working day!!!!!!!!
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First of all, I give you credit because our police and firefighters are just as much in the service of the defense of our country as is our military.

However, it disgusts me that people who served like John Kerry and Jack Murtha are disparaged, while Bush and Cheney, who hid from the Vietnam war themselves, are the ones who took this country to war. Jack Murtha, who had an exemplary military record and is by no means a pacifist, had the temerity to speak out against a war that is going nowhere and said to the President that is is time to bring the troops home. For that he is being reviled by the right wing.
So no, I give no credence whatsoever to anyone who makes a statement such as "liberals won't defend their country" if they have never worn a uniform themselves.

dbermanmd · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(larkinmj @ Jun 7 2006, 12:01 PM) [snapback]267262[/snapback]</div>

My point? I defended my country, you did not. I don't criticize anyone for not serving in the military; in fact I commend people who don't serve in the military out of conviction. But when you say"liberals are unwilling to defend their country"- well, from you, that is nothing but trash talk.
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sorry got cut off...

Then I guess the fact that I am a physician and have been for over two decades means that my opinion that we should never have a single payer system like Canada is valid and your opinion that we should is trash unless you are a practicing physician??

burritos · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(dbermanmd @ Jun 7 2006, 10:50 AM) [snapback]267250[/snapback]</div>

I never served in the military. And your point?
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With regards to defending the country, what's the difference between a liberal who hasn't served in the military and a conservative who hasn't served in the military other than their opinions? They both don't personally contribute to the defense of the country.

Are you a veterinarian? doberman md?

dbermanmd · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(larkinmj @ Jun 7 2006, 12:32 PM) [snapback]267291[/snapback]</div>

First of all, I give you credit because our police and firefighters are just as much in the service of the defense of our country as is our military.

However, it disgusts me that people who served like John Kerry and Jack Murtha are disparaged, while Bush and Cheney, who hid from the Vietnam war themselves, are the ones who took this country to war. Jack Murtha, who had an exemplary military record and is by no means a pacifist, had the temerity to speak out against a war that is going nowhere and said to the President that is is time to bring the troops home. For that he is being reviled by the right wing.
So no, I give no credence whatsoever to anyone who makes a statement such as "liberals won't defend their country" if they have never worn a uniform themselves.
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Jihad Jack Murtha is being reviled by most Americans because he tried and convicted the Marines involved in Haditha (as has the media) before an investigation was even completed, or charges brought, or they had a chance to defend themselves - thats why. I guess according to Jihad Jack the Gitmo residents deserve more Consitutional rights than his fellow citizens and Marines?????

AND you would think that a fellow Marine veteran would know better than that - at least you would think he would give them that much more of the benefit of doubt knowing combat and all the stresses and pressures involved in a firefight and seeing your buddies get blown to hell - - - I am sure you being a veteran of combat could understand that too, no??

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(burritos @ Jun 7 2006, 01:34 PM) [snapback]267320[/snapback]</div>

With regards to defending the country, what's the difference between a liberal who hasn't served in the military and a conservative who hasn't served in the military other than their opinions? They both don't personally contribute to the defense of the country.

Are you a veterinarian? doberman md?
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nope, you a Taco Bell employee?

larkinmj · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(dbermanmd @ Jun 7 2006, 01:31 PM) [snapback]267318[/snapback]</div>

sorry got cut off...

Then I guess the fact that I am a physician and have been for over two decades means that my opinion that we should never have a single payer system like Canada is valid and your opinion that we should is trash unless you are a practicing physician??
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No, because as a patient and consumer I believe my opinion regarding our health care system is valid (my wife, who IS a physician, does not share your opinion.)

burritos · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(dbermanmd @ Jun 7 2006, 12:36 PM) [snapback]267321[/snapback]</div>

nope, you a Taco Bell employee?
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No, I like burritos though. Chimichangas even better.

dbermanmd · Jun 7, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(larkinmj @ Jun 7 2006, 01:47 PM) [snapback]267328[/snapback]</div>

No, because as a patient and consumer I believe my opinion regarding our health care system is valid (my wife, who IS a physician, does not share your opinion.)
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As a consumer of the services of the armed forces i support with my tax dollars, my opinion counts all that much more - no?

and your wife is entitled to her opinion too - no matter how incorrect it is

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(burritos @ Jun 7 2006, 01:55 PM) [snapback]267334[/snapback]</div>

No, I like burritos though. Chimichangas even better.
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me too - chicken

hyo silver · Jun 7, 2006

Oh, look. Another flame war in Fred's. And look who's involved. What a surprise.

Well, some of us still have our sense of humour. Thanks, Prizzle.

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