Child-Free By Choice

We've not been together long enough to really say we're going to stay child free - but the plan is to remain childless, and use our dual incomes to keep us, our cats, and our nieces and nephews properly spoiled.

One of the childfree sites summed it up pretty well for us - "Little things like having a clothing optional household remind us how free we are..."

=)

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Proco @ Sep 19 2006, 08:05 AM) [snapback]321559[/snapback]</div>

It's probably best for a couple who doesn't want kids to not have them. How sad for a kid living in a home where mom and dad didn't/don't want them.

When I hear a couple has made this decision, I'm always curious what the plans are you have for your lives that children don't fit into...

 

If I knew then what I know now, I would be child free.

Please do not take that to mean I do not love my child. My child has many special needs and probably will not be able to live independently. She will not go to college and will most likely work at a minimum wage job, if at all. That is not the life I envisioned for the "gerber baby" that I was supposed to have.

I do not think that child free people are selfish or thoughtless. I actually feel they are very fortunate to know themselves well enough to make a decision like that and not be swayed by "everyone has kids" mentality.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daronspicher @ Sep 19 2006, 09:25 AM) [snapback]321566[/snapback]</div>

:blink:
research. My wife and both love what we do and we would not want to change our lives just because of the societal expectations. Having children would force us to abandon our dreams.

 

I've always been my own favorite child!

Not having a husband, I could never have been a single parent - far too much of a job for one person ....

 

I actually asked for a hysterectomy for my 16th birthday -- only half kidding! I always expected to be married, but that didn't happen either. So I'm happily single and childless. Most of my friends are married with children, and I miss having single friends, but I have decided to get over it. I live in a very family-oriented town, and unless I move, which I don't want to do, I can have married friends or be a total loner. I prefer friends.

Having grown up in a very abusive household, I have come to realize that I never had the skills to be a good parent. So when that was my preference anyway, it has worked out fine.

Having said I never wanted children, I always thought being a grandmother would be great. But since I couldn't figure out a way to make that happen, I enjoy my nieces and nephews.

Peace --

 

marjflowers, being a woman, it is reasonably too late for you (although not impossible) and i am glad you are happy with your decision. being in that you are three days older than me.


i started late in life, my first child was born when i was 37 and he just had his 10th birthday. my second will be born next april. so goes to show you it is never too late for some.

always remember, adoption although risky, can be nearly as rewarding but i guess that would be a bit off topic

 

When I was a very young child myself I observed my classmates. I noted how cruel they were to each other. I was teased a bit, but I was mostly left alone. However I observed intolerable cruelty between kids. I decided then and there that I never wanted to have kids, and I've never changed my mind. Adults see how cute and cuddly kids are, how they say amusing things, how they occasionally come up with a wise or witty remark, and adults think that's wonderful. But I remember, and still observe, how cruel they are whenever they think they can get away with it. Of course my decision to have no kids has been moot, since I've never been in a relationship where kids were a potential issue.

I'm also extremely sensitive to sudden loud noises. They frazzle my nerves. My mother tells me that when I was a baby, I'd jump, and then shake for several minutes, whenever the doorbell rang. It's just the way my brain is wired.

I've wanted to be married, or have an otherwise long-term relationship, and I'd marry a woman with a child, or at most two, but only if I hit it off with the kid(s). It would be unfair to the kid to marry a mother if you didn't like the kid, or if the kid didn't like you. I've asked out women with kids, as well as women without. But I've gotten nowhere.

So I am childless both by choice and by lack of opportunity. I am glad to be childless, but not to be still alone.

 

I'm going to have a kid for every PC'er who posts up they specifically chose not to have kids....! After about maybe 3, I'll start dropping 'em off at adoption agencies all across the country.



<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daniel @ Sep 19 2006, 10:29 AM) [snapback]321600[/snapback]</div>

BANG!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daniel @ Sep 19 2006, 10:29 AM) [snapback]321600[/snapback]</div>

thank you daniel... i wish more people thought this way. like my stepdad for instance.

for my own choices, for a long time i was afraid that i wouldn't know how to raise a child, since i had no real role model in that respect. but we do want children now. (well not now but at some point) since i'm no longer stifled as a person, i've found out more of who i am and found more of my inner strength. i realized i am capable of doing this.

some people do find that and still hesitate to have children, which is just fine. i say if you're hesitant, there's probably a reason and i am completely in agreement with (i think it was daron) who said that it's tragic for a child to grow up with parents who did not want him or her. to each their own, after all you know yourself best.

 

I think any couple childless by choice who will talk about it matter of fact is fighting a "selfish stereotype".

If you were to tell anyone who asked about the absence of children that you were unable to conceive, you get a ton of sympathy and condolances.

If you tell them you didn't want the inconvenience, interruption of your schedule, or financial burden then you pretty much get a condescending backlash. Some people are childless becuase they think it's the environmental thing to do for the earth. For whatever reason a couple might have, they end up with a lot of people automatically assumeing that they're self absorbed.... Typically people think of self absorbed as a bad thing.. Why no children? "Me me me me me me, my needs...." Sounds self absorbed, so it's not surprising that becomes the natural response of so many.

I heard that there is a board much like prius chat where people who are extremely self absorbed get together to discuss their lifestyle choice. The unfortunate thing is.... No one is willing to share the URL to it, they're too busy with their own lives.

That's a joke...

 

My kids are my life's work. Raising people is both the most frustrating and most rewarding thing I've ever done. But I understand someone not wanting kids, for many different reasons. There are other rewarding things people can do with their lives. (and I hope to rediscover some of those in a few years)

 

I love children. I went to school to become a teacher of children but my path ended up taking me elsewhere. I also have volunteered for underprivileged abused children until I move out of the city.

My husband and I choose not to have children. If we had considered children, however, we probably would've sought adoption. There are way too many children in the system that need homes for us to have considered having our own. That's our personal viewpoint.

The factors that went into our decision were monetary, our age and the environment. My husband is 9 years older than I and by the time the child wants to go to college, my husband will be of retirement age. Since we're not in a position where we're on track to retire at this age, it didn't seem we could responsibly support another life. With financial distress being a main cause for marital friction or divorce, this was a main factor in our decision. Basically, we didn't want to have a child and not be able to properly care for him/her or wind up so financially stressed that we couldn't provide a harmonious, loving, supportive home for the child. So far as the environment, with over six billion people on the planet, and the population increasing every second, we also didn't think it would be responsible to create more life. There doesn't seem to be a shortage of human beings on this planet. With these factors in mind, we choose to forgo our wishes to have children. Luckily, I have six nieces and nephews who can serve to fill the void.