"Dear Dogs and Cats..."

Dear Dogs and Cats:

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain
your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food.
Please note, placing a paw print in the middle of my plate
and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the
slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a
racetrack. Beating me to the bottom is not the object.
Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can
run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I
am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue
sleeping on the couch to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats
can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It is not
necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out
to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking
tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other
end to maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the
bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there and manage to
get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow,
try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try
to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door I
entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years and
canine or feline attendance is not mandatory.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other
dog or cat's butt. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the
following message on our front door:

Rules for Non-Pet Owners Who Visit and Like to Complain
About Our Pets:


1. They live here. You don't.


2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off
the furniture. (That's why they call it "fur"niture.)


3. I like my pets a lot better than I do most people.


4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted
son/daughter who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and
doesn't speak clearly.

Dogs and cats are better than kids ... They eat less, don't
ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually
come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with
drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about
having to buy the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes,
and don't need a gazillion dollars for college -- and if
they get pregnant, you can sell the children.

 

LOL, I got a good laugh out of it too. Anyone who has or has ever had pets in their life will completely understand it.

 

I'm sorry to hear that. Pets of mine that have passed on will always hold a special place in my heart and a lifetime of many wonderful memories. I'm sure the same holds true for all of us pet owners.