Depression/Anxiety: Invisible Affliction

Time to take a little risk. Why not? Life is short.

PC is as unlikely a place for a thread on depression/anxiety as any. There are probably scores of online groups addressing the problem(s). I've never looked.

If statistics are to be believed, others who are on PC besides me have been diagnosed with chronic depression and/or anxiety (they often are linked, for those who don't know, but do also occur separately).

Or there could be people who wonder if they "have it", who have thought about seeing a psychiatric professional but have backed away, don't dare, feel they can't deal with the "stigma". (Yes, despite more openness the last 25 years, there is still a strong stigma, in the minds of some, attached to "mental disorders".)

If PCers don't personally have the problem, odds are strong some have an S.O. who does, or another family member, or one or more friends. Some undoubtedly know personally of a suicide among family members or friends. (Suicide will not be the focus of this effort, though it certainly can be talked about.)

If someone wants to post here, but is unwilling to do so under his or her screen name, they can do so under the "guest" mechanism.

Why even do this? Because I believe, after 50 years of being aware of my illness, that it would have been better for me if I had "come out of the closet" a long time ago. As it was, mine wasn't clinically diagnosed until I was almost 30, which cost me at least 15 years of early treatment. (I became aware that I was somehow "different" at about age 15.) Perhaps, with a little sensitivity, you could help someone to get diagnosed. Or treated. That would be "worth it" for me.

A "therapy" or "support" group? No, PC isn't the place. Individual conversations arising from the thread could be useful for some, though. We all have the potential to be resources for one another in various ways, as I think we all know.

I'm always available for individual communication, too, through PM or e-mail.

If there's any interest at all, I'll talk more freely about my experience with these twin near-killers as things unfold. I won't "spill my gut" up front, as if I were wearing it on my sleeve, or seeking attention. That's not the case.

A touch of obsessive/compulsive? Yep. Manic/depressive? That, too. "Panic attacks", perhaps the scariest instances in one's life? Yep. Spent too much of my life in ERs before I was diagnosed. Agorophobia? Yes, in its "mild" form. Schizophrenia? Nope.

Yet I managed to function in a lifelong working career, with few knowing of my "baggage", except for a supervisor or close friend or two. Others aren't so fortunate.

Two days ago the results of a landmark study on the effectiveness of a few depression medications were announced. Bottom line: 50% who take meds are helped. This is higher than I would have thought. The "help rate" for traditional "talking therapy" is far lower. The psychiatric community doesn't trumpet it, but the "success rate" for meds-less therapy is less than 10%.

I happen to be taking one of the four anti-depressants that the study surveyed. In my case, I tried at least 15 other meds before finding that this one worked for me. So one lesson: don't give up.

There is one other PCer who has openly mentioned his depression. I hope that person chimes in. Geez, look at all the gays who feel free to speak openly here!

 

I masked my depression with alcohol for 20 years---without knowing what I was doing! I could rarely get to sleep without quantities of beer or wine. (I had a strong "death fixation" upon getting into bed most nights). I even thought I was an alcoholic.

But once I got on medication, even though it wasn't totally effective, I gave up drinking in 1975. I still like an occasional "special occasion drink" or two, and it sure is a lot more fun since it isn't part of a habit.

Depression and alcoholism can be related, as many know.

I forgot to mention that both depression and alcoholism run in my family. Both parents were alcoholics, and I'm pretty sure both were depressed, though undiagnosed.

 

You're right, anti-depressants are probably overprescribed (for "situational" unhappiness), and we do live in an age of "designer drugs". No question.

But you do raise a key question. Let me start to answer it nice person-backwards, if you will.

Until I was in my early 30's, I was a chronic "the grass is always greener" guy. I was always looking to move somewhere else, try another job or---especially---find a "more compatible" SO. I always felt I was "unlucky" and hadn't found "the right life situation" for ME.

In other words, I always predicated my own "happiness" on factors in the OUTSIDE WORLD. I sure never recognized this as a classic symptom of depression.

In fact, let me go farther. I was often disdainful of "simpletons" who seemed "easily amused", who seemed satisfied with less than what I thought they "should have", who "didn't take life seriously" enough---by my "standards".

Now there's a fine line between being a hypercritical person, perhaps of above-average intelligence, also, who is "normal" but simply has "high expectations" and judges everything by them---and a person who SEES THE WORLD through the "filter" of depression.

But I am now convinced, after awareness of my own condition and observation of others, that a "goodly share" of hypercritical people---some regard themselves simply as "perfectionists"--- are in fact at least somewhat depression-prone.

How do you differentiate? Diagnosis---and, in my opinion, a "second opinion" in so critical a matter is a MUST. After all, we're not talking about "do I have musical talent or not?". We're talking about "do I have a treatable medical problem"?.

 

I think you cited the wrong quote, Cobra.

 

Deb,

Thanks. Good advice, especially (IMO) #2 and #4.

With that invaluable experience as a professional, I hope you'll monitor this discussion from time to time and contribute as you see fit. I am not an "expert", though, since I became aware of my own problem(s), I have read everything I can get my hands on, including in the "professional literature". I'm just an "educated layman" who sees more benefit in "coming out" about it than pretending it doesn't exist. If someone had given me some "friendly advice" when I was, say, 18 and they recognized a symptom or two, my life could have been better, sooner.

It's often hard to get an accurate diagnosis---depending, often, on how willing the "patient" is to be totally honest about the feelings he or she has had. I'd bet that often a person, in describing his or her "symptoms", focuses on a particular "thing" (occurrence) that has made him or her "sad", and ends up being misleading to the professional because he or she "couldn't get it all out".

Also, it can be impossible to distinguish between "prolonged sadness" (of up to, say, 6 months or even a year) and clinical depression.

 

Another couple of observations/hunches/theories:

1. I have a hunch many, if not most people who are, or tend to be "control freaks", are depressed.

2. I'm pretty sure depression could be diagnosed in teenagers much earlier than it is, if parents were more informed (AND observant).

Depressed kids are more likely to at least appear to be "on the quiet side". They are much more likely to seem "abnormally serious-minded", and, for example, not to join in in a group situation where most are light-hearted and laughing (but may also be self-conscious enough to at least offer up a weak smile, so as not to seem "out of it").

Such kids may also seem "apathetic", and in fact they are usually not.

Ironically enough, kids like this usually slip under the radar of both parents and teachers. They usually don't cause obvious trouble, are not rowdy and in fact may be more than normally polite and deferential.

3. Depressed people, although probably possessed of a sense of humor (tending on the cynical side, and often expressed in outright sarcasm), and able to laugh at times, cannot "belly-laugh".

4. I think that simple as this may sound (and it isn't), love (more to the point, the LACK of it) may (and...may not) be at the root of many cases of depression.

In other words, depression unquestionably has a genetic component in many cases, if not most. ON TOP of that---and possibly by itself---lack of love from any source (parents, siblings, anyone in family) early in life may also lead to at least semi-permanent depression. And, unfortunately, if it's "deep" enough, that kind of depression, beyond a certain point, (say, 12 or so years of age) may not be "cured" by love later in life. It becomes "imprinted". Such a person lucky enough to find someone who loves him or her later in life may indeed respond to it, and be less depressed than they otherwise would---but they're likely (on an unconscious level, at least) to be possessive and jealous with respect to their "lover", on a gut level deathly afraid of losing that love. Sadly and ironically, the behavior of some such people can indeed drive the "lover" away. Do we all know people who just seem "needy"?

My own parents: mother raised in orphanage, parent(s) unknown. Father: oldest of 9 kids, always heavy home responsibilities, parents traditional Germanic un-demonstrative (not to say "unloving", but that's also possible) people.

Yet among the 5 or 6 younger kids in that family, there seemed to be no evidence of depression later in life. My guess: the younger ones always got at least some love/attention from their older sibs (three of whom were female).

 

I've seen success rates like that quoted for therapy IN CONJUNCTION WITH meds. My quoting "10% or less" comes from a professional psychiatry journal (I'd have to look it up).

 

Even though I'm the one that first used the words, we'd have to agree on what "help rate" means. I mean "success rate", that is, a temporary or permanent "fix" such that the patient not only can function reasonably well, but no longer feels depressed.

No way that "talk therapy" alone has even close to a 50% rate in "curing" depression. Not chronic, endogenous depression, anyway.

I do think, common-sense-ically, that "situational" depression can very likely be "helped" by talk therapy.