Dog Diary Vs. Cat Diary

Discussion in 'Fred's House of Pancakes' started by freshmtt, Aug 25, 2008.

  1. freshmtt

    freshmtt Dachshund Addict

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    OK, I laugh everytime I read this, saw it again on another message board.

    DOG DIARY



    8:00 am - Dog food! My favorite thing!


    9:30 am - A car ride! My favorite thing!


    9:40 am - A walk in the park! My favorite thing!


    10:30 am - Got rubbed and petted! My favorite thing!


    12:00 pm - Lunch! My favorite thing!


    1:00 pm - Played in the yard! My favorite thing!


    3:00 pm - Wagged my tail! My favorite thing!


    5:00 pm - Milk bones! My favorite thing!


    7:00 pm - Got to play ball! My favorite thing!


    8:00 pm - Wow! Watched TV with the people! My favorite thing!


    11:00 pm - Sleeping on the bed! My favorite thing!






    CAT DIARY


    Day 983 of my captivity. My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while the other inmates and I are fed hash or some sort of dry nuggets.


    Although I make my contempt for the rations perfectly clear, I nevertheless must eat something in order to keep up my strength.


    The only thing that keeps me going is my dream of escape. In an attempt to disgust them, I once again vomit on the carpet.



    Today I decapitated a mouse and dropped its headless body at their feet. I had hoped this would strike fear into their hearts, since it clearly demonstrates what I am capable of. However, they merely made condescending comments about what a 'good little hunter' I am. *******s!


    There was some sort of assembly of their accomplices tonight. I was placed in solitary confinement for the duration of the event. However, I could hear the noises and smell the food. I overheard that my confinement was due to the power of 'allergies.' I must learn what this means, and how to use it to my advantage.


    This morning I was almost successful in an attempt to assassinate one of my tormentors by weaving around his feet as he was walking. I must try this again tomorrow -- but at the top of the stairs. I am convinced that the other prisoners here are flunkies and snitches.


    The dog receives special privileges. He is regularly released - and seems to be more than willing to return. He is obviously retarded.


    The bird has got to be an informant. I observe him communicate with the guards regularly. I am certain that he reports my every move. My captors have arranged protective custody for him in an elevated cell, so he is safe.
    For now...

    Cat

    __________________
     
  2. TonyPSchaefer

    TonyPSchaefer Your Friendly Moderator
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    I actually found my cat's PawPilot last year and it contained entries very similar to these. I was not surprised.
     
  3. Godiva

    Godiva AmeriKan Citizen

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  4. dogfriend

    dogfriend Human - Animal Hybrid

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    Our inmate's latest attempt to intimidate us consisted of decapitating a mouse, pulling its innards out and leaving it for us to find on the front porch. It was truly disgusting. At least she didn't drag it inside.
     
  5. Godiva

    Godiva AmeriKan Citizen

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    You're taking it wrong.

    It's instruction.

    Have you learned how to decapitate a mouse by pulling the head off with your teeth, dragging the innards out and arranging them in an artistic and pleasing manner?

    If not, instruction will continue.
     
  6. KK6PD

    KK6PD _ . _ . / _ _ . _

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    Sadly, everytime our friends stop by with their dogs, while I get the folks some drinks, their dogs make their way to the cat box and proceed to have lunch!!!!!

    I really wonder what they feed their dogs, if the dogs have to rob our cat boxes for snacks!!!

    You can't make this KAKA up!!!

    73 de Pat KK6PD
     
  7. Godiva

    Godiva AmeriKan Citizen

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    Yes. Dogs have both a problem with diet and behavior.

    However a cat's diet is much higher in protein than a dog's and they don't utilize all of it. So their....discards....are higher in protein and that is what is attracting the dogs.

    Still, it's not healthy for the dogs to lunch in the cat box.
     
  8. dogfriend

    dogfriend Human - Animal Hybrid

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    If I show the little serial killer that I have mastered the art of outside kills, then she will progress to the next lesson, which is how to hunt them down and kill them inside the house (ala Cat Malfunction). So I'm gonna play dumb and hope that she keeps trying to teach me how to kill outside.

    The dogs believe that the cat(s) only exist to provide those yummy tootsie rolls in the litter box.
     
  9. PriuStorm

    PriuStorm Senior Member

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    OMG, thanks for the laugh!! :D
     
  10. MarinJohn

    MarinJohn Senior Member

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    Kitty Rocca! It's what dogs use to get rid of that l'eau de toilette after a hearty drink.
     
  11. freshmtt

    freshmtt Dachshund Addict

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    Our Cat is forever trying to reach the elevated cell to get to the informants and do away with them.
     
  12. thepolarcrew

    thepolarcrew Senior Member

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    Should have illustration and then syndicate.
     
  13. dogfriend

    dogfriend Human - Animal Hybrid

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    Here is the model for the illustration:

    [​IMG]
     

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  14. galaxee

    galaxee mostly benevolent

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    our bird literally played informant last time she tattled on the cat staring at her. she was infinitely amused, the cat was not.
     
  15. jayman

    jayman Senior Member

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    :rofl:

    Actually my two lazy plump cats show little interest in venturing outside. To them, the outside world is a mean, dangerous, and scary place.

    Now that I think about it, they're probably right!
     
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