Flat Stanley

It's 7am Saturday and I've been up since 6, being productive. By productive, I mean not surfing for porn on the internet. Today is a big day.

My 11-year-old cousin, who attends Catholic school in Philadelphia, sent me a Flat Stanley in the mail. I am supposed to take pictures of Flat Stanley having adventures in Minnesota, so she can share them with her class. Obviously this little girl is pretty desperate.

Flat Stanley is 2-dimensional, so he has a lot in common with my supervisor at work. And with one troll in particular here on Prius Chat

So far I intend to take pictures of Flat Stanley face-down in the toilet, Flat Stanley with an empty bottle of gin, Flat Stanley under the front tire of my Prius hybrid, Flat Stanley in the fireplace, and, since Flat Stanley is supposed to be on vacation, there will be one of Flat Stanley watching the Travel Channel.

My mom thinks Flat Stanley with an empty gin bottle is over-the-top, and does not approve.

 

Sorry, mine's broken

 

My interests have taken a new direction: The Amish Bikini Team.

And OMG, little Alaina is 6, not 12... so a legitimate Flat Stanley album is being sent to her school with appropriate educational materials, just like Mrs. Hussie's letter said. I am not making that name up. Mrs. Hussie.

However, an unexpurgated Flat Stanley will be forwarded to Alaina's parents: Flat Stanley doing Cuevo Shooters, Flat Stanley Wearing a Band-Aid Upside Down at the Bottom of the Steps, Flat Stanley finds a Mousetrap, Flat Stanley Hungover Face Down in Toilet, Flat Stanley Finding Religion With Some 7th Day Adventists, Flat Stanley Burning in Hell... I almost had a pic of Flat Stanley Gets a Ticket (I was stopped illegally at a turn-out reserved for official use only near the lift bridge over the St. Croix in Stillwater MN), but the city cop wouldn't take me OR my mom seriously, and just laughed as he asked us politely to take our pic & move along.