Friends and friendship

i have a hard time bonding with people. general mistrust of the human race. i'd like to believe everyone's a good person but life experience has made me wary. that and a large percentage of the world's population annoys me. how can i hang out with people that constantly make me wanna roll my eyes?

my friends are: DH, the 3 girls i talk to from high school and their SO's, the 4 girls i hung out with in college, and DH's 4 close friends and their SO's. i'd use the word "acquaintance" on my current classmates.

my friends in general are all very different than i am. i like it that way. excluding the different-from-me people that are spoiled brats. they just piss me off.

here we're pretty much on our own. our neighbors are nice people and my classmates can be okay as long as i don't have to deal with direct, one on one contact with them for long periods of time.

i think i've used technology to keep closer to my close friends from far away. the cell phone with nationwide long distance, instant messaging, and email all keep me in closer contact with them.

 

Whatever makes you happy. Just don't discuss politics with friends unless it is a political organization. I hang out mostly with people into fitness, multi-sport and running. We all share a common goal and nothing else really matters. We come from all walks of life and beliefs.

I guess I can ignore a lot. My best friend is my spouse.

Andy

 

I hear that.

Not that I can't be more-or-less friendly to casual people, but it ends at "please" and "thank you." Generally I know 4 people, none in Manitoba however; who I really do consider to be "friends" and that I would trust my life with.

Or at least my bank statements.

Otherwise I firmly believe in being a Misanthrope and would rather be alone. I have some co-workers who are okay to hang out with, but the ones I really enjoy are the ones who drive me out to my hobby farm in their expensive Range Rovers or Lincoln Navigators: they get a free weekend of peace and quiet, I get a ride in a luxury SUV with air bag suspension. We both win.

As far as true “friends†I've always believed in Quality over Quantity. There are plenty of spoiled brats, moochers, hangers-on, etc, who disappear once the Party is over.

Of course, if you *really* want a companion, a true Soul Mate, then you almost have no choice but to look to another species: I'm referring to dogs and cats. Horses are great friends too, but their size and upkeep are problematic.

I think you’ve seen pictures of my kitty BooBoo and he is a great friend. Whenever I was away on business he instantly adopted to my parents house and gave them lots of friendship and caring. When my Mom died Christmas Day, it was actually BooBoo who alerted my Dad that something was horribly wrong in the house.

 

Amen to that! I love my 3 cats and 2 dogs more than some of my own family!

Andy

 

Ironically, at the high-rise condo I currently live in, I get along best with the 2 gay couples that I know of. It was - believe it or not - my Prius that "introduced" us.

One couple is a friendly Lesbian couple who always insist on inviting me over for dinners and political discussion. I think they're amused by some of my financial beliefs, as they're both in Finance and insist I'm an Old Fashioned miser.

Whatever. Their lasagna is to *die* for.

The other gay couple are 2 guys who are *also* in Finance. Is this a job requirement?? They put on lots of "mixed" gatherings and keep trying to find me a "special" woman to share my life with. They really can't believe I chose to be a Misanthrope.

They're also good cooks, and their wine collection really is to *die* for. I've helped them out with a few computer issues, and once helped change a starter in their Chevy Cavalier. Oi, they owe me a LIFETIME of free meals for that job.

 

Interesting....We're gay and get along best with straight couples that don't have kids although we do have one couple with kids that are friends.

Andy

 

Andy:

Hmmm I see a trend here

jay

 

Afraid I can't make generalizations.....there are some great singles and couples I know who are straight and gay, and then there are some of each I'll never really like. My choice of friends has nothing to do with their sexual preference or color or where they're from or anything else - except their personalities - and of course their politics :lol:

 

Same here. I never even realized one of my "best" friends - Mark - was African American until one day after class at the U - this was in the mid 80's - he tagged along while I was trying out new shirts.

I didn't like one shirt as I thought it was too light, so I asked if he'd like to try it.

"Nah, us black folks don't like them colors."

Yes, he was being sarcastic.

 

I'm definitely getting more antisocial over the years. You wouldn't
know it from the boards here, would ya... but like galaxee, most of
the contact I really spend time on is via electronic means, with the
occasional effort to get some f2f time -- such as using that trip to
FL to hook up with a few of the names I see go by here. Less of
that was actually accomplished than I expected, but the parts that
did happen were lots of geeky fun and definitely brought home that
certain sense of community.
.
_H*

 

I agree you can't make generalizations. It's just the way it has worked out for us that we seem to know a certain type.

Don't you know you are never supposed to discuss politics with friends. I think most of the people we know are all over the map.

Andy

 

I realized that I was attracted to men when I was 10 years old. I pretended to be straight for a few years but it just didn't work. In fact, I was engaged to marry a woman until she wisely had an affair with another guy and broke it off with me. After that, I vowed to never date a woman again since it would be unfair to any woman. It is truly amazing the number of married men and women that are gay. I've known several that have divorced and finally come out of the closet.

No one has ever tried or suggested to change me. Most people would never suspect I am gay by just looking at me. I fit in pretty well with the masses. Any particular reason that you ask this question? Being in a relationship for over 10 years, I don't think anyone would dare try to "change" me. My relationship is about love and companionship and it works very well for us. We get along great and I couldn't imagine being with anyone else. Of course, the intimacy is nice too.

We did have the big gay debate in our church (American Baptist) a few years ago, but all is well. My partner was made a deacon and some people did not agree. Also the pastor gave a progay sermon. We did have an open meeting on the issue where everyone was allowed to speak their mind. Someone did bring fliers, but didn't try to give to us. Those that didn't agree with the pastor's views or my partner being a deacon found a new church. 99% of the members were supportive. This same pastor also bravely publicly spoke Against Amendment 2 (anti-gay) in Missouri.

Andy

 

Beyond the folks who try to help the gay person out are the folks who try to save your soul. I believe that there is something else inside us, not just chemical reactions. It may or may not have to do with God. My dog dreams and I believe she has a soul.

Because of these simple beliefs I live my life pretty openly. I rarely lie unless it is to save a person's feeling when the lie will have no other impact. I think in many ways that makes it easier for me to have some good friends. I do choose conversations to have with certain people because I know that they may not be comfortable with seeing everything that is in me. I am probably closer to some of my friends than I am to family. I definitely love my dog!

My best friend is my daughter. We are blessed with a wonderful mother-daughter relationship. We have had difficult times but always come through with our love and dedication to each other.

 

Interesting thread...

I only have 3 real friends. However, these are friends that would, literally, help me hide the body if such a time ever came. I can show up at their homes at 3:am on some Tuesday and be welcome. This, is my inner-most circle, and has been the case for the last 19 years. Radiating outward the number of "friends" gets larger, the second circle contains about 4 or 5 friends that would likely crack under interrogation. :lol: Everyone else is an "acquaintence" or a "light" friend. So, the long and the short is I'll use "friend" to describe my REAL friends, and "friend" to describe maybe some people I work with, for I know who's who...

I rarely make good friends simply because, well, most people are just too shallow. Plus they all think I'm nuts... :lol:

Funny thing is though, within the last few months I've actually contemplated maybe I should be a little "nicer" to people in general, and allow more "low-level" friendships to take place. I guess it's one of those things that dawns on you when you realize you just might be mortal... h34r:

 

I did a quick search and found this definition of "friend":

"Friendship is a type of interpersonal relationship that is found among humans and among animals with rich intelligence, such as the higher mammals and some birds. Individuals in a friendship relationship will seek out each other's company and exhibit mutually helping behavior."

Ok, close enough I guess. But your question is about whether or not it is dying. My take on this is related to how much time we have to give to another human being. Today, it is so common to see everyone dashing all over the place with so much to do that you have little time to smell the roses. The smelling of the roses is the ability to make friends, if you have time to give to them. We get up in the morning, maybe eat breakfast, go to work, and then fill our off time with many things from the kids to doing the laundry. I sometimes wonder how people have time to make friends.

I have had a few good friends over my lifetime. They continue to be there for me and I would do anything for them as well. Some "friends" have disappointed me. Some have walked away never to be heard from again. But one common thread walks through all of these continued relationships.

I have discovered that you have to give of yourself.....to become vunerable and risk rejection. It is only then that you find out who your true friends really are. Those who reject you are clearly not your friend. Those who stick by you are those you should cherish for a life time. Those you bond with can and will have more meaning in your life and will provide you with so much in return. Just remember, we are all rather fragile.

Friends......handle with care.

 

I've always been somewhat anti-social - I don't really like people, particularly in large groups. One-on-one I can put up with anyone, but I don't enjoy it. I have a few people I consider my good friends back where I went to school - we keep up, and get together every once in a while (camping in St. Augustine this weekend!) but I don't spend time with them often, since when I got married I moved three hours away.

My best friend is my husband - he's been my best friend almost since I met him, and getting married didn't change that. We're very alike, which seems like it should be boring but never is. I work from home, so I don't get out much - my aunt is pretty much my best friend in this city - our home is less than a mile from theirs. They think we are anti-social and boring, and they encourage us to do social things with them and their friends, some of whom we've grown fond of.

The internet is actually what keeps me from going completely old cat-lady and never leaving the house - you guys keep me talking to people I wouldn't get to talk to and thinking about things that wouldn't have come to mind. I've been a computer geek since I was very young, and the computer (BBS's before the internet) has always been a social outlet for me. I guess I'm too young to properly compare life before and after technological advances like this =P