Help finish the (10?) Prius Commandments

In the eyes of some, we are a cult, if not a full-blown religion.

In case we do reach religious status, perhaps we should have some Commandments. I don't think it has to be 10, necessarily, though that number has a certain cachet. Just something authoritative to put on the wall.

I can offer a start, but I think others here are more Lordly and Prophetic than me, so I'm asking for help.

I can think of some things that probably do not rise to the level of Commandments, e.g., "thou shalt protect the front of thy Prius with either a vinyl or clearcoat protectant", but who was ever enthralled with The Ten Guidelines?
Would Charlton Heston have starred in a movie called "The Ten Recommendations"?

1. I am the Original Prius. Thou shalt have no strange vehicles before thee.

2. Thou shalt Read The Fine Manual.

3. Thou shalt have all required maintenance services performed on thy Prius, even if thou dost some thyself.

4. Thou shalt check the air pressure in thy tires no less frequently than once every two weeks; and thou shalt not underinflate.

5. Honor thy Prius by washing its exterior frequently, and by removing detritus from the interior. Under the seats, too. And the cargo area.

6. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor's SUV. Thou mayest covet another hybrid a little, if thou is circumspect, and remain loyal to the One True Prius

7. Thou shalt clean thy cabin air filter at least twice a year. Do it for thy lungs. And thy children's lungs. And thy children's children's lungs. Yea, unto all generations.

8. ??

9. ??

 

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: exceeding rare

 

And now I say unto you that neither the lamb shalt sleep with the lion, nor shalt the Prius sleep with the Hummer, except to embolden him before the race.

 

And just where in the Sacred Research Triangle do you and DH conduct your, er, experiments?

 

Both excellent. We may need more than 10, unless we can produce more Gospels.

 

The Apostle Danny has been huddled with Lucifer (IRS) for months now. Lucifer keeps leaving the table to deal with Scientology. Lucifer seems to have a problem fitting the Prius into the Luciferian Specifications For A Diety, charging among other things that the Prius has not performed sufficient verifiable Miracles. Danny, of course, counters with monthly MPG data, but Lucifer remains unconvinced, claiming the numbers are skewed by "trickery", such as Pulse and Glide and Feathering.

Lucifer also thinks that many Prius worshippers do not possess Immortal Souls, driving as they do, in addition to the Prius, SUVs and other guzzlers. To this, of course, Danny has observed more than once that these same guzzlers rank high in the Luciferian scheme of things. The irony of Danny's point is not lost on Lucifer, yet he remains adamant.

Danny has also vigorously pressed the case that the Prius blows past both the Pearly Gates of PZEV and Heavenly MPG, and that this in itself constitutes a Miracle. Lucifer, dissembling, points out that the Prius cannot even break 9.0
0-60, cannot tow an RV or even a flatbed full of ATVs and, in fact, may be what he derisively calls a "girlie car". He also hints that his own EPA Gate might be modified to reflect higher MPG, thus rendering the Prius MPG less than "Miraculous".

Negotiations have been tedious. Seasoned observers say that Lucifer persists in throwing up sham roadblocks, and that his real objection, which for political reasons he cannot declare publicly, is that the Prius is plain WRONGHEADED, just another False Prophet, like the GM EV before it. He offers as "evidence" that the Prius has not even been test-driven by Pat Robertson, Jery Falwell, Ralph Reed or other Evangelists. He also notes sarcastically that Leonardo DiCaprio, Ed Begley, Jr. and "that Diaz woman" are not registered Evangelists.

"The real source of locomotion of your precious little car is not even clear to me."

"But you can stealth home late at night without disturbing your wife's sleep. Doesn't that tell you something?"

"That so-called gas tank is a joke!"

"But you can always drive at least 400 miles before worrying about filling it up again. Besides, they're going to fix it."

"It has enough stupid chimes to put a colicky baby to sleep, but no red-meat horsepower."

"But its MFD and software can point the way to fixing almost any problem. Can your Ford Explosion do that?"

"It won't even climb Pike's peak without the so-called traction battery depleting itself."

"But it still has the ICE, and can in fact Climb Every Mountain [breaks into song briefly]."

"All of you persist in speaking with forked tongues. HSD this, SK that. Who's to even know what's real to you people?

"You know you have a standing offer for me to take you out on a long drive and explain everything. Including the Guess Gauge and Energy Monitor. Heh."

"You'll never explain away that stupid little 12V battery in back!"

"You're just niggling now, Lucy! I'm sorry...Lucifer."

"I KNEW IT! You're just another commie fag tree-hugging wierdo! We'll never approve your application!"

"We qualify on all counts, and you damned well know it. You're just pissed because most of us don't hang crosses on our rear-view mirrors!"

"AHA! Now we get down to it! You have no coherent Faith! You wouldn't recognize your Savior if He fell out of a tree and bonked you on the head!"

"Would too!"

"Would not."

"Too."

"NOT!"

"TOOOOOO!"

"I'm out of here. Gotta go meet my Maker about those science classes. Under the rules, I hafta let you re-apply after 90 days. And don't forget, you've got to show me on paper how buyers of your pathetic little machine will recoup their $3,000 hybrid penalty within seven years."

"If I've told you once, I've told you a gazillion times, we don't worship at that particular altar."

"Then you're not a True Church!"

"Are too."