How is Starbug?

Yes, How's she doing? And why was the thread removed?

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(hdrygas @ May 23 2006, 09:51 PM) [snapback]260174[/snapback]</div>

Hi guys! Sorry I haven't posted in a long time. Work keeps me very busy. The hobby shop is closing down for good, so we've been busy trying to get rid of stuff.


My dad is doing ok. The chemo makes him sick (he's got pills for that), and he's loosing his hair now. My grandfather is thinks it's great (and funny) because now he has more hair than my dad! HAHAHA. :lol: Lately we've been having to take my dad in to have an injection of some sort (name escapes me right now) that causes his bone marrow to go into overdrive and produce more (white?) cells. Gotta do this a day or so before each chemo trip because his (white?) cell count is going way down. This injection makes every bone in his body ache really badly. He'll be going in for another CT scan (and I think bloodwork) to see if any of the tumors are shrinking, and by how much. Over all, I think my dad feels pretty good. Certainly a lot better than before the surgery!

 

hey Angela, its been a while, whats going on with you??

 

got email from Angela...latest update on her dad

Update:
Dad needs to get a "G Shot" every day for a whole week now prior to each chemo session, due to extremely low white cell count. His stomach is getting sensitive to certain foods, so we're cutting back on those. The chemo makes his throat feel raw and his hands sensitive to temperatures. His memory is getting pretty sporadic now too.....I think he needs more RAM to combat the "chemo-brain". LOL. He's also nearly bald, so has now started wearing the typically-seen cancer-patient head bandanna. He claims to feel pretty good, though he does tend to tire easily nonetheless.

 

As of today, my dad is now completely bald. So all you guys currently loosing hair, you may now take comfort in the fact that you have more hair than my dad! LOL.

He is wearing a shirt that says "Hair today, gone tomorrow".

 

Angela, glad to hear that your dad still maintains a positive attitude. facing the inevitable is something we all must do. making the best of the time left, although very hard, will be treasured forever.

 

Well.... he isn't quite facing the inevitable. He's convinced he's kicking it and will be cured in just a few months. He has no idea of the true reality of what he's going through because he will not admit it to himself (dispite being present in the same conversation with the doctors as my mother). He's like an osterage putting his head in the sand. My mother and I let him continue to believe this since this is what keeps him from giving up now and dieing sooner.

But yes, as long as he thinks he's not dieing, he will likely continue to have a positive attitude and maintain his humor.

 

It is occasionally extremely frusterating to deal with him while he's in such denile. We are trying to get him to plan for the "what if" (which is actually reality) of when he dies so that we don't loose everything we have including the clothes on our backs. But because he's convinced that he's going to be cured in a few months, he sees absolutely NO point in preparing for the possibility of dieing. Things that need to be signed, sold, protected.... nope, he won't do it. It is sooo hard to keep my mouth shut and not tell him that he WON"T live beyond this year when he starts fighting my mother when she tries to get all the legalities squared away. For some things, it's too late and we're screwed because of him. In others, there is still time.

...so yeah, it's hard to deal with sometimes.

Like you, I hope that I still have some humor when I die. But I don't want to be in denile. I want to know reality so that I can face it head-on without fear or hesitation. I think my dad's fear is what blinds him to reality and makes him put his head in the sand and deny the inevitable. His fear put him in this situation. If he hadn't been afraid, this would have been caught years ago and he would have a possibility of survival. I don't want to crumble under the same fear; so I want to know reality and not pay the same price my dad has.

But since this denile is what's best for him (as far as prolonging his life), nobody is going to force him to see reality. And so he remains in good spirits.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Starbug @ Jun 30 2006, 06:36 PM) [snapback]279443[/snapback]</div>

About 2.5 years ago, my mom was diagnosed with mouth cancer (squamous cell). I was in New Orleans when I found out. Mom asked for a purple wig for when she lost her hair. I immediately hared off (pun intended) to a wig shop on Bourbon Street and bought her a VERY tasteful lavender wig that was cut in a similar style to hers. She never lost her sense of humor, all through her very painful radiation treatments--she was totally fried from behind her nose all the way down her throat and could take nothing at all by mouth (except for the occasional ice chips) for about 3 months. She did not lose her sense of humor for a single day. She has now been declared cured. She lost all of her spit glands, between the surgery and the radiation and still has trouble swallowing, and can't eat anything at all spicy...like even salt as a spice. She's a member of several online groups--none of which have to do with cancer--and she got so much help, support, and love all through it (and still does), I KNOW that helped. (I was in a pretty serious accident several years ago and in the hospital in traction for 3 months--mom got all her online people informed and they all really helped me out too--I have a picture of the wall of my hospital room--the one I could see from my traction --and it is COVERED from top to bottom and side to side (maybe 6' x 15') with cards and letters from tons of people, most of whom I never met. Yes, that really did help me get through it WAY better than I would have, either physically or mentally, otherwise.)

BUT--mom never did lose her hair, so now we're trying to get my stepfather to use the wig, since he HAS lost his!

Denial IS bad--and a sense of humor is just about as important as any of the medical treatments they can dole out.

I wish you and your father the best of luck, and I know your strength and humor are of very great importance to him.

 

That's really sad that your dad, on top of dying and leaving you and your mom alone, is going to ruin you financially by refusing to put his affairs in order. Even people who are perfectly healthy can get run over by a bus. There is no excuse for a person who has dependents not to have his affairs in order. Denial is a very selfish attitude.

Hang in there. My best wishes to you and your mom.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Rufaro @ Jul 1 2006, 02:06 AM) [snapback]279600[/snapback]</div>

I'm glad you and your mom are ok! I don't ever want to lose my ability to eat spicy foods; that would be horrible! Hmm, maybe find a way to have artificial spit glads inserted..... yessss....... LOL!

I love the purple wig idea! That is so funny. Perhaps you guys should glue the wig to your stepfather when he's asleep (or passed out drunk if he's into that)..... then when he wakes up, there it is!! HAHAHA! :lol: (yeah, I'm evil like that...ROFLOL)

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daniel @ Jul 3 2006, 04:05 PM) [snapback]280656[/snapback]</div>

Unfortunately, that's the way he's always been. He's also very stubborn, which means when he gets his mind set to something, there's no changing it. But, my mom and I are survivors, so we will find a way to make it no matter how this ends.

Maybe I'll hold his anti-diareal (chemo side-effect) medications hostage til he agrees to get things in order................ j/k

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Starbug @ Jul 4 2006, 04:30 PM) [snapback]281161[/snapback]</div>

Well, after mom's b'day party today, we discovered it seems that it is really only pepper now that bothers her as much...ANY amount of pepper--but everything else is still improving. It also turns out that it now pisses her off if we say "spit" or "saliva" glands instead of "salivary." The general consensus of her loving family (3 daughters, husband, 2 sons-in-law, and one of 2 grandsons--the 2nd on is up north in summer school) was, and fairly literally and explicitly, "Ma, f**k you if you can't take a joke. And turn off your hearing aid if you don't like it." She took THAT quite well, considering...

Stepdad quit drinking a buncha years ago. As to gluing the wig to his head--we might consider it, except we worry that he might like it...At the moment, I am considering reclaiming it from mom, getting a buzzcut to help with the hot flashes, and using the wig when I think hair is called for...

The withholding drugs strategy works VERY well with stroppy chemo parents...ummm...patients....no, parents IS what I meant--even the THREAT of it does--worked wonders with mine. Hey ma, when was it you were supposed to have that new morphine patch...?Oh, well then I guess we have enough time now for you to let us pump another can of food into your feeding tube before then. Don't we. Oh, you DON'T want the morphine? Ok. I'm going to bed now. G'night. We'll talk about the morphine tomorrow afternoon, ok?

Stubborn AND in denial is a hellish combo. We did that one with my mother's mother, who had Parkinson's, and was too proud to be seen using a walker. So she didn't get out, and got no exercise, and her Parkinson's got lots worse lots earlier than it needed to.

Then there was my husband's aunt, who had breast cancer and refused the chemo because she didn't want to lose her hair...No, I don't believe that is exactly right, but it was the verbal message, and the one that got carried out. I believe she was scared s**tless about everything, and none of her family was strong enough to get her to see what was really necessary--leaving her in denial.

In my family, I know the parents did not have wills as of a few years ago. I think they might now, but don't know for sure. I DO know we all have living wills--we all want plugs pulled and no heroic measures. My husband's parents have bought and paid for their funerals. I THINK my parents have gotten the message--we keep telling them if they have no explicit instructions, we're putting them out with the recycling. No--I'm not kidding--we DO tell them that. And we tell them if they go gaga and haven't made their wishes clear, they;re going into whatever is cheapest for us (3 daughters) and we sisters will take some really good vacations with their money...

No, we are not able to talk to each other about serious issues seriously, but we've found our way of communicating what needs to be communicated.

Sounds like you and your mother are coping the way you need to. Does your dad want a purple wig?

 

LOL, I could sell the purple wig idea to him as a way to keep his head from sunburning........ Hahahahaha.

My mom never could get my dad to have a will made up. And even now, he doesn't really want to. After all, when you know more than the doctors do (and especially more than your wife and daughter do) and you are going to be cured in just a few more chemo sessions, there's no point in wasting time or money doing that. *sarcasm* I almost popped his denile bubble lastnight because he was argueing about that again, saying that he knows he's almost cured and will be able to end the chemo really soon now. I had to clamp my mouth shut hard to keep from telling him, and ended up walking away to my bedroom and muttering curses in a foreign language so that he would not understand. My mom is very adament that we let him be in denile because her aunt died so much quicker of cancer because she gave up hope. Mom's afraid that the moment my dad realises the reality of this and comes out of denile, he'll give up and die sooner. There is of course, a double edge to this tactic. Personally, I just want to tell him straight up, for EVERYBODY'S good. But I have to respect her wishes.....

I'm glad your family is able to deal straight up and communicate what needs to be. I envy that.