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How to be overly nice

Discussion in 'Fred's House of Pancakes' started by akamekon, Oct 6, 2009.

  1. akamekon

    akamekon Junior Member

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    So I'm meeting with a group of classmates from my Sociology class in a couple days, and we are supposed to come up with several ways of being "overly nice."

    The project is meant to be a deviation from social norms, and instead of simply doing something out of the norm, our professor wants us to be overly nice and gauge peoples' reactions based on a variety of variables.

    Do you have any ideas that would be cool to perform? (Something that isn't going to get us hurt/the like. E.G. our prof doesn't want us picking up hitchhikers)
     
  2. TonyPSchaefer

    TonyPSchaefer Your Friendly Moderator
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    Sure, I'll bite.

    I think that the interpretation of "overly" nice is subjective and fuzzy. All the same, here are a few things that I think would solicit a response or two.

    If you want to make someone feel good about themselves, compliment their attire, hair, cologne, etc. Walking down the street or mall, tell someone that their clothes look sharp. Even tell them that people don't compliment each other enough but when you saw them you felt compelled to say something. Now, granted, in order for this to get the appropriate response, it can not be done sarcastically. That is, you can't stop just anyone; make sure they really are dressed nicely.

    I've been scorned in the past for doing this, but when I see someone dining alone, I offer for them to join me or for me to join them. I used to do this routinely when I traveled alone for business and would see other business travelers. The same goes for sitting on park benches, at the mall, ball game, etc. There are times when people just want to be alone and you should respect that but there are times when we find ourselves unintentionally alone or alone by circumstance. I've met some really wonderful people just by asking if they would appreciate some company. Again, it's all situational.

    This is an interesting experiment but personally I feel that it's important that you keep in mind that not everyone will react positively. Even some the best of intentions have received some of the worse reactions. Be prepared for people to not be welcome to your "overly niceness."
     
  3. octavia

    octavia Active Member

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    what a fun experiment!

    You could enter a restaurant and offer to pay for a random person/peoples meals. ( to keep it completely random, select a table number a head of time)

    Insist on helping people out with their groceries at the store.

    Stand at a newspaper dispenser and every time someone approaches it, ask them which one they need, then buy it and give it to them.

    choose a block with parking meters, keep the meters "paid up" for a set time and never let them run out, even if they are unoccupied.

    hand flowers out randomly to people on the street.

    designate yourself the "operator" for a public elevator. Run the buttons, chat with folks, and offer pieces of gum.

    Have fun! What a neat experiment to get to do!
     
  4. TonyPSchaefer

    TonyPSchaefer Your Friendly Moderator
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    A year or so back, Oprah did a thing in which she gave every member of her audience a thousand dollars and they had to do something to reward someone deserving. Had I been in the audience that day, here's what I would have done:

    Gone to the bank (or multiple banks) and gotten 500 $2 bills. Printed business cards that read "witnessing a kind act is as rare as a $2 bill." Paper clipped the card to a folded $2.

    Anytime I saw someone picking up a piece of trash, holding the door for a stranger, or performing some other form of civility, I would walk up, hand them the card and bill, and walk away.

    I would bet they would never forget that.
     
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  5. Stev0

    Stev0 Honorary Hong Kong Cavalier

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    I bet you'd also have $998 left at the end of the year.
     
  6. daniel

    daniel Cat Lovers Against the Bomb

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    I often pick up hitchhikers. I really doubt that it increases your chances of getting hurt significantly, over the chances of getting hurt simply driving.

    Since I travel alone, this is the kind of thing I would appreciate. Some people might interpret it as a come-on, but eating alone in a restaurant is depressing (for me anyway), and I'd regard this as an unusual kindness. I'm far too shy to initiate such an encounter, however.

    (I often go places where I'm with a group, but there are always nights alone in a hotel before and/or after.)

    I'm not selfless enough to take Octavia's suggestion of giving money away at random, or paying for random people's meals, but on the rare occasion when I find myself eating with casual acquaintances I often pay the bill for the table. And I always pay if I'm at a restaurant with friends.
     
  7. hill

    hill High Fiber Member

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    you must have never watched Rutger Hauer, in 'The Hitcher'

     
  8. rcf@eventide.com

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    I once had a random act of nice perpetrated on me. I was walking down a street in NYC (where I don't live) and peeling a candy bar in preparation for its consumption. Seeing no trash can, I kept the wrapper in my hand for half a block until I came upon one, at which point I made my deposit. I was immediately accosted by a woman who insisted on giving me a NYC subway token (for which I had no use). Why? Because I held onto the candy wrapper for half a block instead of littering, and she had somehow managed to observe this.

    After reading this thread, I realize that I must have been part of a class experiment, and that dropping stamped letters on the street is too obvious.

    Richard
     
  9. MarinJohn

    MarinJohn Senior Member

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    At the Golden Gate Bridge Toll Booth it's not unheard of to have the person in front pay for the car behind them. The booth operator will then tell me my toll as paid by the person who just went through. Naturally we take pride in 'paying it forward' and still pay the toll...for the next person. When it happens to me I also ask the toll taker how long this chain has been going on and it's usually quite a while before someone is greedy enough to take without paying forward.
     
  10. a_gray_prius

    a_gray_prius Rare Non-Old-Blowhard Priuschat Member

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    Wow, 8 responses and no suggestion of free hugs.





     
  11. ceric

    ceric New Member

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    If it happens to me, I will pay for the next 10 vehicles. The toll collector will have a "fun" math time. I wonder what will happen.....

    Back to original topic. Whenever possible, I help senior folks load stuff at Costco. They really appreciate physical help. Make sure you ask first. Some people may take it as an insult.... :(
     
  12. octavia

    octavia Active Member

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    It's not a selfless as it appears. The secret is, doing nice things for others FEELS GREAT. So really, when I do them, I am doing them for the benefit to me. The fact that it then benefits another is bonus.
    I also believe that what you put out into the universe is what you get back. I have had so so so many acts of generosity and kindness directed towards me ... I am truely blessed.

    It's not about the amount of money either. One of my favorite things to do I learned from a very VERY poor woman. She puts quarters in the little toy machines in the grocery store and leaves the toy. You know how kids are always checking those things hoping..... Imagine the joy created when they find a free trinket!
     
  13. Salsawonder

    Salsawonder New Member

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    That is a cool idea. Ann Landers or Dear Abby used to have this thing about " pennies from heaven" where people wwould find a certain penny that would somehow spark a memory based on the year, etc. I often toss my pennies out of the car, leave them in certain places believing that I am "seeding" someones memory.
    I was also blessed with kindness when I was a young single parent just moving to California from Vermont with a 4 y/o daughter. Someone left a little Christmas tree on my doorstep. It was the best tree we ever had. I pay it forward today by leaving recycling for those more needy, passing along furniture and such rather than selling it. Money's nice but seeing someones face when they get some small break is really great.
     
  14. akamekon

    akamekon Junior Member

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    I really love people who do experiments like this! And people who are involved in just random things like Improv Everywhere.

    That's a pretty cool idea! The only problem is it is hard to gauge the person after me's response to this (we need to record these things for the report)...that and there aren't very many toll roads around where I live (or at least none with very much traffic). Still, a nice thing to do regardless.

    I remember seeing that first video a couple years ago, and I just remember thinking that was one of the coolest things ever!

    Well more specifically, the project is to engage in altruistic behavior. We are supposed to conduct 6 experiments, 2 of each "level" of altruism (self-defined). The intent is not to expect anything in return (or even a positive reaction), and to simply observe (and be happy with yourself for being so nice :p).
    Your offering someone who is alone at the moment company is a very nice gesture indeed :) .

    Some of those would be pretty fun too! I don't know if I'll be able to pay for many of them, but the elevator one sounds interesting. Even the newspaper one is quite feasible.

    I think it's great to find so many people here who are just so kind generally!
     
  15. daniel

    daniel Cat Lovers Against the Bomb

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    I have seen hitchhiker horror movies. And there's a short book called "Serial" (available, I believe, ONLY for the Kindle, and free) about a serial killer who picks up and kills hitchhikers, and a hitchhiker who kills the people who pick her up. The book is about what happens when they meet up, and it is not for the faint of heart.

    There is a slight thrill of fear when picking someone up, but my brain tells me that my gut is being silly. And it is definitely an act of kindness.

    I agree that it feels good to help others. I get that feeling when I give $5 to a panhandler, although a number of people on this board have as good as called me a murderer, asserting that those guys are all going to drink themselves to death on my five-spot.

    But for me, the good feeling comes from helping people who have indicated that they want my help. I don't feel right giving money (or anything of value) to someone who has not asked. With the exception that picking up the tab for the people at your table at a restaurant is socially acceptable, especially insofar as they are generally your friends, or at least acquaintances.

    You are obviously less shy than I.
     
  16. Rae Vynn

    Rae Vynn Artist In Residence

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    I have paid for the coffee of the person behind me in the Starbucks drive through.

    Of course, it was someone who was also driving a Prius :thumb:
     
  17. octavia

    octavia Active Member

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    Not at all! Anonymous giving is the most rewarding. One of my favorite features of it is that the receiver is not pressured to like what I've done, or to say thank you. It frees them up to experience the gift however they are comfortable and I get to imagine how they received it any way I like. A total win-win.

    I give pan handlers fast food gift cards. I thought I was so smart to think of that until someone told me they do it too... apparently some famous person suggested it.

    pfft.
     
  18. octavia

    octavia Active Member

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    Brilliant idea!

    I really like this and I have a thing for 2$ bills. Mind if i steal your idea? I'd like to give one to each of my kids too to have in their wallets. Not only does it reward the person doing the good, but it reminds the person holding the card to look for the good.
    Brilliant!!!! :)
     
  19. daniel

    daniel Cat Lovers Against the Bomb

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    Well, then you're more generous than I. I am selfish enough to enjoy being thanked. Overall, I think you're a nicer person than I.

    (But I'm still a nice guy. I ain't the FSM's gift to women, but I have things to offer to the woman who'd give me a chance. :( )
     
  20. Rokeby

    Rokeby Member

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    Contact the Volunteer Coordinator at your nearest Veterans Hospital.
    Offer to take "N" of the veterans out for a drive along the beach/in the
    mountains/somewhere special to them, and a meal at a restaurant of
    their choice.

    "N" is a number you can really do.
    The vets may be any age from 18 to 80.

    If you can't do this, just volunteer for an hour or two.

    These men and women gave selflessly when asked. :usa2: :canada: etc.
    They are our forgotten heros.

    In their situation, is it even possible to be "overly nice?"
     
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