"I love you -- now go sleep in the other bed"

Yet another sign of a wealthy society ...

 

yikes. i dealt with what, 5 years of buzzsaw snoring and now this rather cumbersome sleep apnea treatment of his that occasionally squeaks, or blows air into my ears or face or whatever...

i still wouldn't sleep in another bed if given the option. no thanks! something about just curling up together and falling asleep, it's got its own type of intimacy.

 

My parents are in their 70s. My Dad has sleep apnea that he refuses to treat. He snores something awful.

When my mother can't take it any more she'll move to another room to sleep. Her health is important too. Why should she be kept awake?

I had to share a hotel room with them when we were on a recent trip to Guatemala. I had a chance to experience first hand what my mother has been complaining about for years. It's awful. Just awful. I don't see how he sleeps through it. Neither of us got a good nights sleep.

I'm really lucky. The dog doesn't snore. If he did, I'd be kicking him out. After all...it's *my* bed.

 

Well, I have been married almost 15 years. And my wife snores to beat the band, and moves like an earthquake, and punches in her sleep. Not to mention, she likes to leave the TV on all night, and I like quiet when I sleep. Plus, weirdly enough, the slightest thing wakes her up, like me coming to bed, or me turning the TV off when I get to bed, so then she sleeps on the couch, which is not good for her back..

When we bought this house two years ago, we decided to have separate rooms. And boy, what a difference. Now I get to have a completely dark room, (I not only covered over the one window with a bookcase and some sound proof foam, I shuttered the window on the other side; no light at all; I sleep mostly in the day), she also sleeps well, and can leave the TV on all night.

Some say it's not healthy, to be married and not sleep together, to which I say in return, it was not healthy for either of us the way it was before. I wish I had done it earlier. Now I think our marriage will last the next 15 years!

 

THANK YOU TJ for validating me!!! (Okay, I admit it--I am insecure and require outside validation!)

We don't have "his and hers." We have "ours and mine." We married when I was 33 and he was 43--my first, his second. I moved into his house, which he first bought with wife #1, and then bought again in the divorce. The master br "suite" is larger than the condo I owned then. The house was fully furnished already--mostly with stuff I would never have chosen, and, while SOME of my stuff insinuated itself elsewhere, we sure as hell couldn't/can't afford to replace everything with "ours." "My" room is the room where most of the rest of *my* stuff is--and is my office, our guest room, and, most importantly MY space. Taking into consideration the stuff like snoring, room temp, light/dark, etc., if I didn't have my own hidey-hole, nope, we would absolutely not have made it to the fourteen years that we have been together...never mind how old and set in our ways we were when we DID get together. Mighta been different had we been younger (like Galaxee and her DH, for example), but didn't happen for us. I am just grateful that we have the luxury of the available space.

The article cited by OP ignores reality by apparently attributing the very real NEED for many of us to have such an arrangement solely to those who are rich enough to have homes with purpose-built dual master bedrooms. I guess it makes a more exciting story (note the word STORY, please)--and, with my aged degree in Journalism, pisses the hell out of me.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Godiva @ Mar 12 2007, 12:32 AM) [snapback]404059[/snapback]</div>

My dog had to deal with that two nights ago... I don't really know what it was, but he was making all sorts of noise, moving around, etc... He got thrown off the bed, jumped back up, and thrown off a number of times... I was awake for probably 1.5 hours trying to deal with him so i could get back to sleep. He finally got the idea and slept under the bed.

He would have been locked out of the room, but from past experience, i know he'd just make more noise...

 

Ahh twin beds...... Kinda like the dick van dyke show... you have two beds for sleeping and one for those extracricular excercise activities...

My grand parents used to sleep like that (twin beds)

I have a California King Sealy matress we can sleep close together or far apart....

 

Personally, like another poster already said, I don't think I could personally handle separate beds/rooms.

However, a woman I work with has always had this arrangement with her husband. At first, I was incredulous, but as she explained it to me, it seems that they are both happier with the arrangement. I ended up deciding that what is good for me isn't necessarily good for everyone, and vice versa.

 

You really need to look at whats best in the long run... if separate beds/rooms makes you happy, then it's better that than a divorce.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(livelychick @ Mar 12 2007, 02:49 PM) [snapback]404251[/snapback]</div>

Hmmm. That logic could be also applied to a certain wind around here; I loveit!

 

I could kinda get used to having my own room. It would certainly be quieter. We'd both sleep better, and not complain about the other persons' stuff in the way. No reason for the sex life to suffer - we could always have sleepovers.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TJandGENESIS @ Mar 12 2007, 12:41 PM) [snapback]404304[/snapback]</div>

Oh my, but aren't you the naughty one, TJ?

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TJandGENESIS @ Mar 12 2007, 02:41 PM) [snapback]404304[/snapback]</div>

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Come on, Teej, how couldja have used "logic," "wind," and "loveit" in the same sentence. It just doesn't compute!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(hyo silver @ Mar 12 2007, 01:52 PM) [snapback]404332[/snapback]</div>

I fixed almost all of the normal complaints by purchasing a CalKing pillow top matress. You could jump on one side and the person on the other side can barely feel it. In this way I can get kicked to the edge of the bed when I am bad and she barely even notices I am there. I've never had to deal with someone who snores though. That could be remedied with a fan but that uses electricity.

Hmm, on second thought. Having your spouse sleep in another room requires you guys to buy all new furnature and that makes the GDP go up and tells us our rising economy = happier people. This is probably the first case where that is true. Hahaha

 

I could see how sleeping habits could impair the quality of a partnership. I'm a late nighter. I could stay up until wee hours of the morning while my husband rises veeery early and goes to be early. Because we have such a small house, there's no escaping the noise when the other is up and about. I tried adapting to his schedule and I suffered for it. After about a week of going to bed at 8:30 pm (that's nuts, right?!?!?), I got so lethargic that I required 10 hours of sleep each night and that still wasn't enough. I've got one word for y'all......earplugs!

I still have no solution to the jabbing that he continues to impose on my little frame. He likes to snuggle and I can't stand it. His knees, elbow, hands are continually poking into me or resting directly on top of my various body parts. Resulting from this, he winds up on my side of the bed so that I'm wedged into a tiny corner. We're still working on that part.

All this and I still wouldn't fathom a separate sleeping quarter.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TJandGENESIS @ Mar 12 2007, 12:41 PM) [snapback]404304[/snapback]</div>

Cheapshot

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(livelychick @ Mar 12 2007, 02:29 PM) [snapback]404360[/snapback]</div>

Even lower cheapshot. . .

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(F8L @ Mar 12 2007, 02:35 PM) [snapback]404363[/snapback]</div>

Not necessarily so with regard to your second paragraph.

As to the first, we have a king Tempurpedic so there is absolutely no "wave" effect (and we bought the Tempurpedic due to issues we both had/have with our backs--the wave stuff's a bonus--the mattress was a replacement, not an addition).

Snoring: apparently we are both guilty there...elbows can help, as can a slight tug on the pillow of the offender, neither of which involves the use of electricity. Earplugs work for some, but I can't use them as they tend to lead me to ear infections. I often go for the fan for temperature--it isn't loud enough to mask noise. We have finally had to resort to a Sound Machine to block out snoring and other kinds of individual noise...and the delicate pitter patter of the elegant feet of a 19 yo son outside our room... :blink:

As to your wife barely noticing you are there, I'd tend to suspect an entirely different issue.