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Make Your Own Chevy Volt Press Release

Discussion in 'Fred's House of Pancakes' started by Stev0, Jan 13, 2008.

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  1. Stev0

    Stev0 Honorary Hong Kong Cavalier

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    GM announced today that the upcoming Chevy Volt:


    * Will be able to cure all known forms of cancer
    * Will get "approximately eight jillion" miles to the gallon
    * Will be made out of solid platinum, yet will only have a sticker price of $250.00
     
    #1 Stev0, Jan 13, 2008
  2. Godiva

    Godiva AmeriKan Citizen

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    * Will bring peace to the Middle East
    * Will make you look 10 years younger
    * Will mow your lawn AND do windows.
     
    #2 Godiva, Jan 13, 2008
  3. moxiequz

    moxiequz Weirdo Social Outcast

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    * Will be available any day now! Honest.
     
    #3 moxiequz, Jan 13, 2008
  4. Tideland Prius

    Tideland Prius Moderator of the North
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    VOLT: Shocking, isn't it? :D
     
    #4 Tideland Prius, Jan 13, 2008
  5. Doc Willie

    Doc Willie Shuttlecraft Commander

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    * Will last 200,000 miles and 10 or more years

    * Will be rated the highest in owner satisfaction

    * Will have one of the lowest repair rates of all cars on the road
     
    #5 Doc Willie, Jan 13, 2008
  6. TonyPSchaefer

    TonyPSchaefer Your Friendly Moderator
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    You guys are just plain silly.

    Don't you realize that you can't possibly write a press release for all the great things the Volt will deliver to Mankind? After all, the Volt will provide for us things not yet understood or even imagined; it will usher in a new age - an age yet to be defined; it will introduce technologies, ideas, and concepts that not even the designers have yet conceived. The Volt will be studied for many years in order to understand how it actually works. Since it will be so far ahead of its time the only way to truly comprehend its inner workings is to wait for time to catch up to it.

    So to even attempt to explain the Volt is premature.
     
    #6 TonyPSchaefer, Jan 13, 2008
  7. Godiva

    Godiva AmeriKan Citizen

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    Riding in the Volt you'll look 20 years younger and 30 lbs slimmer.
     
    #7 Godiva, Jan 13, 2008
  8. Tideland Prius

    Tideland Prius Moderator of the North
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    only 30? that's only 10% of their weight! <zing!>

    Sorry, couldn't resist.
     
    #8 Tideland Prius, Jan 13, 2008
  9. amped

    amped Senior Member

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    The Volt will instantly attract members of the (add sexual preference here).
     
    #9 amped, Jan 13, 2008
  10. Alric

    Alric New Member

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    We are committed to the Volt, but steering wheel and brake pad technology needs to develop further before the vehicle can be mass produced.

    In the meanwhile we offer a variety of gas guzzlers that you should feel ok buying because we are working on the Volt!
     
    #10 Alric, Jan 13, 2008
  11. Tideland Prius

    Tideland Prius Moderator of the North
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    "The Chevrolet Volt - The car you wished we made"

    "The 2010 Chevrolet Volt - Here Today. Gone Tomorrow"

    "Introducing the Chevrolet Volt. It's not a hybrid."

    Let's see if anyone gets my bad joke.

    "Current is not something we would use to the describe the Volt. It's the future of automobiles. We will show that the resistance that we currently experience will be what's needed to arrive at the Volt"
     
    #11 Tideland Prius, Jan 13, 2008
  12. amped

    amped Senior Member

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    Ohm my, that induced a groaning capacity.
     
    #12 amped, Jan 13, 2008
  13. brick

    brick Active Member

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    Big news, folks:
     
    #13 brick, Jan 14, 2008
  14. Chrome

    Chrome New Member

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    • Will rid the world of Pious, Smug-spewing Prius owners.
    • Will never be clean enough to balance the pollution pumping out of Sequoias, Tundras, Land Cruisers, Highlanders, LX570s, GX470s, 4Runners, FJ Cruisers, LS460s, GS460s, IS-Fs, and LF-As.
    • Will be a reality.
     
    #14 Chrome, Jan 14, 2008
  15. Chrome

    Chrome New Member

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    Kelly Clarkson becomes the Prime Minister?

    Whoa.
     
    #15 Chrome, Jan 14, 2008
  16. Stev0

    Stev0 Honorary Hong Kong Cavalier

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    Oh, come on, at least TRY to be somewhat believable!
     
    #16 Stev0, Jan 14, 2008
  17. Tideland Prius

    Tideland Prius Moderator of the North
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    lol that was a brilliant piece.
     
    #17 Tideland Prius, Jan 14, 2008
  18. Rae Vynn

    Rae Vynn Artist In Residence

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    I agree, I think brick has done brilliantly.
    :)
     
    #18 Rae Vynn, Jan 14, 2008
  19. Doc Willie

    Doc Willie Shuttlecraft Commander

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    Watt he said.
     
    #19 Doc Willie, Jan 14, 2008
  20. hill

    hill High Fiber Member

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    "The Chevrolet Volt - The car built to withstand our own Crushers"
     
    #20 hill, Jan 14, 2008
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