mental illness

Marjorie -

I have chronic low-grade depression. I'm lucky enough not to need to be medicated for it, but I can still go into a tailspin once in a while. Fortunately, I have a good therapist. My sister was diagnosed with MPD around 15 years ago and also has chronic depression and a mild form of Bipolar.

I understand the bouts of deep depression and what they can do to you. I lost my job (let's hear it for corporate downsizing! <_< ) in January of '05 and, the longer I went without finding something, the worse it got.

You're not alone. The dark times will pass and things will look brighter. Hang in there & keep reaching out. Not isolating is a good first step.

Mike

 

I have chronic depression, so I can relate to both of you. I take medications for it, but when I try to get off them, I wind up getting angry all the time, one of the symptoms of depression. There are times that it's much, much, better, though, and after several years of intense therapy, my ability to experience joy has expanded incredibly.

So you're definitely not alone - keep yourself active with a network of people, even when that voice inside your head says it's hopeless and that no one would want to hear from you, anyway - it's not true.

 

I think some degree of mental illness is more common than we know. I also think the statistics are way off as a lot of people don't seek the help they require and remain unreported. You're courageous for reaching out and for telling your story. I hope you're able to remember that you'll go through cycles and to never give up. I also hope you're able to obtain the help that you need. I know sometimes it can be very difficult finding a good therapist. I'm wishing the best for you.

 

I am chronically depressed and medicated for that, and on permanent disability due to the combo of depression and physical injuries resulting from a suicide attempt in 1997. You are VERY brave to "come out of the closet." Mental illness in this country is not treated as ILLNESS, but as something shameful. When the day comes that depressives and others with mental illness are treated the same as, say, diabetics...a whole hell of a lot of this society's problems will be fixed...like, for one, many mentally ill people who are homeless being treated as criminals instead of TREATED.

I cannot begin to express my admiration for your honesty and sharing. I am thankful for it. It makes ME feel less alone. Thank you marjflowers.

 

marj, Proco, Jeannie and Rufaro: thank you. Some may think we "wear it on our sleeves", but I'm sure that all of us agree that if only one person can learn something about these things---perhaps as they relate to a friend or family member---or be encouraged to seek diagnosis---it's worth "going public".

As some know (from a thread about 9 months ago), I've been treated, variously, for agorophobia, anxiety and depression off and on since 1969. In all that time, I became "non-functional" on the job only 3 or 4 times. I count myself lucky---even if I couldn't join my family taking the elevator up to the top of the Jefferson Memorial (Gateway Arch) in St. Louis, or get on a plane unless heavily sedated, or even walk into a large store without provoking an anxiety attack.

Rufaro: glad you survived to ultimately grace PC with your presence, and your li'l cars! So far (it's early in the thread), you're the only one who admits to having faced that terrible desolation and "deciding" living wasn't worth it. Do you mind if I ask what "brought you back" to the extent you obviously have achieved? (No obligation to answer, of course.)

marj, by now you seem to have developed the ability to remember what it's like when you're not in so much pain, and to "ride them out". You may or may not have an adequate "support network". In any case, feel free (and you others as well) to pm or e-mail me any time you can use another "link".

 

Sometimes the new content based advertisements here on PriusChat can be pretty off base. For instance, for this string, on the same page, ADVIL PM . . . “Stop hurting and start sleeping.” And Ambien CR . . . “Why spend another sleepless night.” <_< :angry:

Marjorie, I personally don't have any experience with any chronic mental illness, but, just to lend a little support through humor . . . I don't think anybody here on PriusChat would blame you, with your condition, if you feel the need to purchase both a Prius AND a Hummer.

But, I do know from personal experience that little acts of kindness can make a big difference in someones life.

Many years ago when I was in the Navy and far away from home on an Aircraft Carrier, I received one of many letters from a young hometown gal pal [not a romantic relationship because of age difference . . . more a little sis thing]. I had always looked forward to her letters as they were always cheerful and fun to read. This was a time way before the internet and all, so communicating back and forth took several weeks.

Unfortunately, this particular letter was sad and depressing. She said she wished she could magically “pop” to where I was and have one of our nice long talks - while looking out at the sea. One line really stuck with me . . . “I long for the Aegean Sea.” She and her family had vacationed in Greece several times, but it had since been a few years. I was currently somewhere in the Mediterranean.

For a few days, I pondered what I could say in my response letter, but I couldn't find any meaningful words to help cheer her up. One morning, I was up about an hour earlier than normal, so I stood in the catwalk on the flight deck and stared out at the ocean and thought about her. After a while, the Captain came on the PA system and said, “Good Morning America [USS America] . . . [blah, blah, blah] . . . Today we have all become a little saltier. At approximately 0500 we sailed into the Aegean Sea . . . [blah, blah, blah] . . . .”

I thought to myself, “So this is it, this is where she wishes she could be more than anywhere else . . . this is what she longs for.” I wished I could 'pop' her there and say, “there it is . . . the Aegean Sea . . . now be happy!” I knew I couldn't do that . . . so, that is when the light bulb above my head lit :mellow: . . . “If I can't bring her to the Aegean Sea, maybe I'll bring the Aegean to her!!!!”

I went down to the medical department and told a Corpsman and Doc my story. They printed up an actual USS America prescription bottle to my specifications, and the Doc signed it. I then dipped a bucket on a rope over the side and proceeded to fill the bottle ¾ full with sea water. It was off the ship in the mail later that day.

The prescription label read;

For: Elena
Condition: Sadness
Directions: Look at contents and think of nice things.
Ingredients: ¾ oz Pure Aegean Sea Water.

In record time I received a happy letter thanking me for the prescription. She said, “I love it! It worked!!! In fact, the whole family uses it!”

The next time I was home on leave I made sure to visit Elena. I usually arrived home unannounced as I liked blending back in rather than “it” being an “event.” Having seen me first, her older sister confided in me that she thought the bottle saved Elena's life. It took several times of her repeating it until I understood the gravity of the situation. Elena wasn't just depressed, she had seriously attempted suicide . . . and not just a I'll-take-a-couple-of-sleeping-pills-cry-for-help type, but a full blown I- want-to-die type. Her sister tried to fight back the tears while telling me all this. She said from the day the bottle arrived, Elena had started doing much better. She said she was telling me this because she wanted to make sure that Elena confided in me the significance of the bottle - as directed by her Psychiatrist. Fortunately, Elena was at a school dance that evening. I didn't want her to see me now with tears in my eyes and knowing.

I grew up a lot those couple of days. When I saw her the next morning, after quite a bit of hesitation, Elena broke down and thanked me for saving her life.

Marjorie, I truly hope you find those magical acts of kindness which make a difference to all of us.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Jack Kelly @ Sep 14 2006, 01:14 AM) [snapback]319380[/snapback]</div>

"Grace?" What're you smokin' Jack?

What brought me back? Three months in hospital in traction and promises to my family I wouldn't put them through any of it again. I still often hurt enough to want to make it stop. But I promised. And, when I did it...it wasn't even a particularly "dark" hour. I just thought I could not face another tomorrow like today. I was, strangely, fairly at peace with myself.

SPE...Thank you for Elena's story. Through a chat group my mother and I belonged to at the time, I received many cards, letters, books and thoughts...and I KNOW that is a BIG part of what pulled me through my three months of looking at one wall...that got filled with cards and stuff from people I had never met. Do not EVER discount kindness..or, for that matter, from one who isn't sure about her own beliefs, prayer. I KNOW the "kindness of strangers" pulled me through my dark hours.

And...modern medicine...stuff that didn't exist even 10 years before...didn't hurt either.

Mental illness should NOT be the stigma it is. It MUST become treated as any other illness is. Too many of us are marginalized and/or ignored because "it is just in your head." My health insurance allows me 20 visits per year with a psychiatrist/psychologist. That is less than one every two weeks, in case you are counting. I am fortunate enough to be able to afford to see my therapist weekly, entirely outside of my insurance. I use the insurance for the visits to attend to my medications. Which ALSO cost extra, because they are not on the plan's "formulary." In other words, the meds that work for me are not the cheap ones for which the plan will pay the full whack. And...to be treated as a criminal...handcuffed...whatever...when you feel desperate enough to try to leave...that is SO counterproductive to restoring any kind of stability, I can't even think about it without getting angry. (Pulling myself off the soapbox/rant here....)

Thank you all for sharing. It means A LOT to know I am not alone.

 

i've been fortunate in that since taking control of my own life i have largely left behind the demons of my past. my issues were essentially because of being forced through a horrible youth with no control over the situation. i have had a couple of post-traumatic stress-like responses to situations that apparently reminded me of things past. and occasionally, since i am prone to major depressive episode relapse, i encounter a stimulus that sends me down that slide. fortunately, it's rare- but when it happens... it's bad.

Patrick... thanks for sharing that wonderful story. that was the nicest thing i've read in a while.

 

Like Patrick, I do not have experience with chronic mental illness either. I do want to say to anyone who reads this post- please, please be kind to all that you encounter in day to day life. You never know when your small act or kind words will make a huge difference in someones life. The difference you make can be postive or negative- so please be aware of your words and actions when dealing with others.

You can never know what goes on (or has gone on) behind the scenes in others lives. The person that you might think is the biggest a**hole in the world, may just be dealing with something in their life that they consider insurmountable. The person that seems a little strange or a little distracted may have major issues that they are dealing with. Just simply be nice to others. It goes farther than we know sometimes.

To all who posted- your honesty and openess is admirable.

 

Hang in there, mar!

And good to see that others have jumped on board here! Helps all of us....

Day at a time...you will get better...

My family history is riddled with some form of mental illness...mostly depression, bipolar and anxiety disorders.

I have suffered with these issues since I was a little girl...school phobic at 5, full-blown panic disorder by 13...then as adult, bipolar....I gave up drinking alcohol 16 years ago...alcohol is a depressant and it was sending me into the worse spiral of my life...

So...finally, sixteen years ago, after many years of talk therapy, I found the best doctor I had seen so far, and with good medical management, I have been doing very well...despite fact that I am a full-time caregiver now...for past 10 years, although I worked until a year and a half ago to the age of 62.

I believe that I have to do all of what is suggested...so I continue with talk therapy...see the psychiatrist for medication management...often only every two months...but more often when I get physcially ill, since it sets off a mood cycling period. I am considered Bipolar II now....mood changes are more manageable. We have avoided using a mood stabilizer through use of low dose antidepressant and low dose med for sleep ....

I also exercise regularly....I am in contact with close friends on a regular basis....have found a spiritual center within, try to eat well,

accept that I will never be "cured" but that I can be treated....and, when I realize that I am sliding, get in touch with my doctor so it doesn't get away from me.

I also agree with others who have said that sometimes getting out of oneself by doing for others ....can be helpful. Not to exclusion of taking care of yourself first....

Someone to love, something to do, something to look forward to....

All three are important.

My career was in educational administration and in speech/language pathology...my work with children and adults in speech for over 30 years has given me great rewards and allowed me to "bracket" some of the emotional stuff.

Just know that there are many of us out there. I agree that for too long people have suffered in silence and kept the "secret." Statistics show that there are many who are not treated at all.

A good book to get...available in library now...is a Pulitzer Prize runner-up.... Noonday Demon by Andrew Solomon. You can get a copy for about $4.00 at Amazon.com. I saw him speak at a conference. Marvelous information. He suffers from severe depression and is a world-renowned psychologist. Lauren Slater's works, too, are uplifting.

Do it all. Never give up. Each day offers promise and hope for improvement. Get the help that's out there and be compliant if you find someone who knows how to prescribe and treat with medications. If you don't like the doctors you have, follow your gut until you get someone you trust and who can help.

Many people who meet me, but don't know me, become surprised when this side of me emerges....but it is something I have and that I take care of just as if I had diabetes or heart disease...we don't hesitate to treat these conditions medically.

Before I stopped drinking and before I got real medical treatment, to show you how "manic" I was, I did a second master's degree in 11 months while working full-time (and while starting a new job during this period). I maintained a 4.0 average...and when all was said and done,

I crashed to my lowest low....and finally, began to address all fronts of my health.

My husband never fully "understood" my mood swings...the agitation or depression...He suffered short bouts of situational depression that resolved without medical treatment. Then 6 years ago, he became blind...he also has serious heart issues, diabetes, many bypasses..cardiac and leg, stents, renal problems and is fully dependent on my care...having mini-strokes since Janaury. He finally had to get treatment for the depression ....his entire outlook and understanding have shifted in the past 6 years....sometimes you really do have to walk in someone else's shoes to fully know what they are going through.

I have learned to accept people's good wishes, to dismiss with kindness well-meaning advice that isn't really helpful or HEALTHful for me....no one will care as much about you as you yourself do.

Keep on talking...keep on keeping on.....There is so much more out there to help now than there was in the 1940s and 1950s when I first faced these issues. Loving parents who could indentify with my sadness and anxiety were a great help....they felt helpless but did understand.

I have a friend, a social worker, who was diagnosed with DID and said that she stopped medications because it can't be treated. I discussed this with my own doctors since it was painful to see her slide again into the deep depression....my doctors told me that elements of DID ARE treatable..the anxiety and the depression....so, again....search and you will find someone who can help.

terri

 

I really appreciate everyone sharing their experiences. There've been so many times where I've felt like I'm the only one with problems, even though I know full well I'm not. I've had to work very hard to reach out and not isolate and it's a continual struggle.

Between me, my sister and my wife (PTSD resulting from her childhood), one of the biggest problems I've seen is our families not "getting it". Responses like "snap out of it", "can't you just put it behind you?", etc. Denial ain't just a river in Egypt.

When my sister was in high school the pain she was in led her to drugs & alcohol. She made an effort one evening to let our mom know she was in pain. She told my mom she didn't like herself. Mom proceeded to practically throw her down the stairs to where my dad was and screamed at him "This one says she doesn't like herself". Did they do anything about it? No. She never got help until years later. And that was court ordered because she was too stoned to make a custody hearing for her children.

I learned that I had to keep my problems to myself ... that I was on my own. No one wanted to be bothered with my problems. And, besides, lots of people have it a lot worse than me. So I shouldn't feel whatever I'm feeling.

I've been blessed to have a good network of friends I can talk to when things get bad. I've also been blessed with the most supportive & understanding wife a guy could ask for. It was her gentle encouragement that got me into therapy in the first place and gets me through the dark times.

Having a network of random strangers (like PC here) is a huge help, too. It's further proof that, no matter what I'm going through, I'm not alone. There's at least one other person out there who understands what I'm going through.

SPE - That was a lovely story. Thank you for sharing it with us. That was a wonderful idea you had and it goes to show how important a seemingly small act of kindness can be.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sufferin' Prius Envy @ Sep 14 2006, 04:23 AM) [snapback]319383[/snapback]</div>

Yet, SPE....this is a lovely story....we never know how much these very simple, yet thoughtful and magical acts of kindness affect another person...sometimes, one little thing can make the difference in a day between going on and not wanting to go on....We need more of this in our world. We all need to give them to others, and, if we are fortunate, have people who care enough to give them to us.



terri

 

I have had two close friends with serious mental illnesses. I don't think any purpose would be served by relating details. One of them faced her problem (dissociative identity disorder) head on when she became aware of it (largely because of "waking up" in strange places with no memory of how she had gotten there) and went into therapy, and eventually was able to re-associate her two identities into one. Some 36 years have passed since I saw her, but I hope and believe that she has led a happy and healthy life since then.

The other, suffering from bipolar disorder, refused to face her illness, fought with her parents (who were well-meaning but ill-equipped to relate to her) and refused to listen to her friends' counsel. She desperately wanted to be "normal" and she defined "normal" as people who don't take medicine. So she periodically stopped taking her medicine, and wound up in the mental hospital. It's been 2 or 3 years since I've had news of her, and I fear the worst.

Marjorie, I know it's difficult, and I have no answers. It sounds like you are sufficiently aware of your problem to be able to confront it, and I wish you all the best.

FWIW, I have found that for me, daily vigorous exercise is the best preventative of depression. I jog, but bicycling, swimming, or even a good hard uphill climb are good too.

 

I found out 3 weeks ago that I am moderately bi-polar. The depression side did not surprise me, but looking at some of my "good times" in light of the manic side really opened up my eyes. Most of the bad decisions / overcommitments I've made in my life seem to have been made when I'm feeling like I can conquer the world.

I am on some meds at the moment to stabilize things, but I don't know how long or how short I will be on them. I have healthy respect for meds (wife is pharmacist) and I believe a lot has happened in the diagnosis, understanding, and treatment of mental conditions over the last 5 years. Keep trying for the right combination of psychiatry and medicine.

 

As a Nurse working with the dually diagnosed population and Developmentally Disabled I have learned alot about taking life as it comes at you. Having support, exercize and good food are pretty much the basics for maintaining physical and emotional health.

We still face difficulty with the public and even some in the medical field accepting mental illness for what it is..a chemical imbalance, not a character weakness. A physician would not stop a heart medication because a person was admitted for Pneumonia but they do it all the time with anti-deprssant and anti-psychotics. Many of these drugs require time to get into the system and work.

Bigdaddy I know what you are saying about those manic phases! People are often fun when they are manic but man oh man...you know you are going to pay for it later.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Salsawonder @ Sep 15 2006, 12:09 AM) [snapback]319907[/snapback]</div>

Big time!! I look back and I shudder at some of my behaviors ....I do know, though, that alcohol in the mix was not only unhealthy but dangerous...

I feel so much better since I have received proper medication and since I stopped drinking .....

I, too, worked with people, adults and children with various disabilities ....my own difficulties were a help to me in my work...and I learned from them as well....we all have so much more in common than we may realize.



terri

 

Hang in there, Marjorie! We're all pulling for you.

 

Just checking in on marj / this thread. Hope all is continuing on the upswing for you marj.

A couple of weeks ago, I had a reaction (wierd nice person rash) to the medication I was taking, needed to come off of it. Bummer, cause it seemed to really be working for me. In it's place, been trying to work out on the treadmill and getting to bed on a regular schedule.