Terrorist Cell in U.S. Too Complacent To Carry Out Attack

From the Onion:

Five years after settling in Southern California and trying to blend into American society, a six-man terrorist cell connected to the Army of Martyrs has reportedly grown too complacent to conduct its suicide mission, an attack on the San Onofre Nuclear Generating Station.

We remain wholeheartedly committed to the destruction of America...but Lost was such a cliffhanger that we need to catch at least the first episode of the new season.

After that, though...death to the infidels!

Al-Sharif also noted that his nearly $6,000 in credit card debt from recent purchase of a 52-inch HDTV and a backyard gas grill prevents him from buying needed materials for the attack.