This is pretty funny.

Dear Tech Support:

Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took a great deal of space, time and other valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all system activity.

Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, Racing 3.6, Night with the boys 4.2 and Porn Movies 5.0 no longer run, and cause the system to crash whenever selected.

I have been unable to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run the aforementioned favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!

Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________

REPLY:

Dear Troubled User:

This is a very common problem and is a source of complaints from many of our male users. Many men have upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a Utilities and Entertainment program however it must be understood that Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!!

We have found it impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. Furthermore it is impossible to un-install Wife 1.0 or purge these program files from the system once installed.

It is also impossible to go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to prevent this action. Look in your Wife 1.0 support manual on page 71 under WARNINGS-ALIMONY-CHILD SUPPORT. I recommend that you keep Wife 1.0 and attempt to solve this problem by installing the background application "YES DEAR" to alleviate software augmentation.

The best course of action is to enter the command C\1- APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal.

Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. One advantage in keeping Wife 1.0 is that it comes with several support programs, such as Clean 1.3, Sweep 2.5, Cook 3.2, Laundry 1.6, and Pay Bills 4.2.

Be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to automatically launch the program NAG-NAG-NAG 9.5. Once this program has been initiated the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software or augment the hardware. I recommend Flowers 2.1, Candy 1.2, Rolex 2.3 and Diamonds 5.0!

WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install the utility program SECRETARY WITH SHORT SKIRT AND NICE LEGS 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck,
Tech Support