was just rear ended.

while parked. what.the.heck...

and I saw it happen to, the guy (lets just call him 'Dummy') was probably mid thirties, working class, and just not all that smart...

it was during lunch, and I (and 6 workers) were at this diner...it was a fairly small town, and it had parallel parking only-so I did the smart thing, and took 2 spots. (24 foot car, need room to get out) I was on the opposite side of the road from the diner.

so we are eating, and its all good, when I see some mid-'90s econobox is trying to make a left-in the middle of town. he is eyeballing the half-parking spot behind the Hearse. this is of little worry to me, I am with 6 oil workers (6 foot+, 300 lbs, 100% muscle) we would just pick this thing up and throw it.

anyway, dummy gets his break in traffic, jams the gas down, and in a skidding show of bad driving, successfully U-turns, and starts heading back for my spot. I honestly don't know how he messed this up, but he managed to slam into the back of the hearse going about 30. my guess is that he got the clutch instead of the brake, or something like that.

the slam was SO loud, now everyone in the diner (and the town for that matter) has their attention on Dummy. one of my good friends, Fredrick takes off for Dummy.

now, Fredrick is a monster of a human being, I don't know his exact specs, but he grew up in south Chicago, worked for Chrysler for a while, and then moved here for the oil industry-he is easily 350 lbs, and at least 6'7.

humans are pack animals, so the rest of the workers follow Fredrick, myself included.

now, Dummy looks over and sees (I'm sure in his adrenaline) an 8 foot tall 600 lb black man shouting "OH HELL NO!!!"

Dummy gets into his car, puts it in reverse, and pulls back-his bumper stuck to my hitch, radiator spewing steam, he gets out, gets his bumper, throws it into the back of his car, and starts trying to start it again.

meanwhile, Fredrick, me, 5 oil workers, a diner full of people, and 3 cops have ammassed, trying to cross the street. the other workers had gone to a crosswalk, and were waiting to cross.

Dummy gives up on cranking his car, and gets back out to inspect the damage-then Fredrick gets his break. the road clears up with just enough time for us to take off across the road. now, for Dummy this isn't looking good, a 5'7 120 lb scrawny swedish boy, followed by the black hulk, he probably thought I was the Viking crime lord or something (I was in a suit) and Fredrick was my henchman or something-he actually screamed in fear, jumps back into his sad little car, puts it in first and starts trying to drive off-on his starter alone.

everyone takes off after him. everyone.

he gets to a small hill, and the car fires, just as the police man returned with his motorcycle (he had left to go get it earlier) and follows him until his sad little piece of crap dies. he is arrested for hit and run. I am not filing charges, as there is no damage to the Hearse-he only steam cleaned the bumper.