Weird, sobering day

There's really nothing that you can do.I don't know what your relationship with him was, but I'm surmising it was minimal since it doesn't sound like your wife had much contact with him in the past.

Based on the experience you had with your dad's passing, you're probably expecting a different reaction from your wife and that's why you're feeling the way you do now.

Your wife probably feels she had a good reason for alienating herself from her father. About the best you can do is to see if she wants to talk about her relationship with him; if not, don't push it and let her work things out for herself.

Just keep working on your Sequoia--it's good therapy and it'll give your wife some personal space to work things out.

 

^ Yep.

 

I am envious of your shop...

I do not envy your position Bra... losing a parent is one of those events that will change a persons outlook on life.

It sounds like you and the frau have a good relationship, and that you want to find way to lend her some comfort. She probably doesn't know what her feelings are right yet (knowing women), but she will.

Me personally: I would wait until you hear her say something before you try to "make it better"... just be the man you have been for her, and she will let you know if you can do anything extra to help her sort out her feelings of never being able to see or say something to her father again.



And post more pics of your project... I love a good rebuild story.

 

An overcast day all around.

The thing about dead people is that they cannot offer apology or closure, and cannot be punished further.

I think that most people appreciate their significant others nearby and accessible when they are suffering. In my home cooking together is calming. Wash the dishes today.

All the best Seilerts

 

Anger can be a strange and complicated emotion. Often, the event that brings it out is more of a trigger for pent-up feelings, and not necessarily the direct cause. With families, especially those with broken relationships, anger is caused by many things and can build over a very long time.

In this case, hiding out in the garage for awhile is probably a safe strategy. You won't be causing any further trouble, and you're giving your wife time to deal with her emotions. Don't abandon her, by any means, but giving her some space and understanding will help. Doing a few simple, 'neutral' things together, like going for walks in quiet, restful places, will aid the healing.

 

Glad to hear things are going better today. Good luck.

 

Yay on the Sequoia..

as for the parental loss... I'm a veteran of dysfunctional family dynamics, including, at one point in my life, being told that my {birth} mother was dead, then finding out several YEARS later that it had been a lie - and a very conscious lie, at that - perpetrated by the woman that raised me.
My birth mother has since passed away, though I was not notified until about a month afterwards (last year).

Yes, anger at this point is perfectly normal. Be prepared for some self-blame, guilt, and blaming, before it's all over. An estranged relationship has its own dynamics, and now, with absolutely zero chance of any sort of reconciliation, all those buried hopes of (let's just say) him ever making up for whatever wrongs he did, are gone. Your wife now has to process these buried emotions for herself.

Your job is to be loving, supportive, listen without judging, and watchful. Do not hesitate to suggest a "professional listener" (i.e., therapist, counselor, etc.) if it seems warranted. Don't put a time frame on how long this will take, either. That depends entirely on your wife's emotional framework, and how deeply/severely the estrangement - and its initial cause - has shaped her self image.

I'm still working out issues... hopefully, in a healthy manner.