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You Can Have the Red States

Discussion in 'Fred's House of Pancakes' started by Hybrid_Dave, Jul 6, 2005.

  1. Hybrid_Dave

    Hybrid_Dave New Member

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    Dear Red States,

    We're ticked off at the way you've treated California, and we've
    decided we're leaving. We intend to form our own country, and we're
    taking the other Blue States with us. In case you aren't aware, that
    includes Hawaii, Oregon, Washington, Minnesota, Wisconsin, Michigan,
    Illinois and all the Northeast. We believe this split will be
    beneficial to the nation, and especially to the people of the new country of New California.

    To sum up briefly:
    You get Texas, Oklahoma and all the slave states.
    We get stem cell research and the best beaches.
    We get Elliot Spitzer. You get Ken Lay.
    We get the Statue of Liberty. You get Wal-Mart.
    We get Intel and Microsoft. You get WorldCom.
    We get Harvard. You get Ole' Miss.

    We get 85 percent of America's venture capital and entrepreneurs. You
    get Alabama.
    We get two-thirds of the tax revenue. You get to make the red states
    pay their fair share.
    Since our aggregate divorce rate is 22 percent lower than the
    Christian Coalition's, we get a bunch of happy families.
    You get a bunch of single moms.

    Please be aware that Nuevo California will be pro-choice and anti-war,

    and we're going to want all our citizens back from Iraq at once. If you
    need people to fight, ask your evangelicals.

    They have kids they're apparently willing to send to their deaths for
    no purpose, and they don't care if you don't show pictures of their
    children's caskets coming home. We do wish you success in Iraq, and
    hope that the WMDs turn up, but we're not willing to spend our
    resources in Bush's Quagmire.

    With the Blue States in hand, we will have firm control of 80 percent
    of the country's fresh water, more than 90 percent of the pineapple and
    lettuce, 92 percent of the nation's fresh fruit, 95 percent of
    America's quality wines (you can serve French wines at state dinners)
    90 percent of all cheese, 90percent of the high tech industry, most of
    the U.S. low-sulfur coal, all living redwoods, sequoias and condors,
    all the Ivy and Seven Sister schools, plus Harvard, Yale, Stanford, Cal
    Tech and MIT.

    With the Red States, on the other hand, you will have to cope with 88
    percent of all obese Americans (and their projected health care costs),
    92 percent of all U.S. mosquitoes, nearly 100 percent of the tornadoes,
    90 percent of the hurricanes, 99 percent of all Southern Baptists,
    virtually 100 percent of all televangelists, Rush Limbaugh, Bob Jones
    University, Clemson and the University of Georgia.

    We get Hollywood and Yosemite, thank you.

    Additionally, 38 percent of those in the Red states believe Jonah was
    actually swallowed by a whale, 62 percent believe life is sacred unless
    we're discussing the death penalty or gun laws, 44 percent say that
    evolution is only a theory, 53 percent that Saddam was involved in 9/11
    and 61 percent of you crazy bastards believe you are people with higher
    morals than we lefties.

    By the way, we're taking the good pot, too. You can have that dirt
    weed they grow in Mexico.

    Sincerely,
    Author Unknown
     
  2. Marlin

    Marlin New Member

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    Doesn't it just kill you that 45% of California voted for Bush? If just 5% of Californian voters shifted to Republican, it would be an even split.

    So maybe we should just let you take the Blue Counties. You can have all of the crime, and we'll get all of the food and 99% of the fresh fruit.

    Oh, and the best beaches are actually in the South-East. You can actually swim without a wetsuit there.

    [​IMG]
     
  3. jfschultz

    jfschultz Active Member

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    I can just see shades of what was once another geographically divided country. New California! Ha! New England probably would object to such a Johnny-come-lately name. Any way you would still be politically divided. By county the Blue states are still mostly Red.

    Maybe you would probably do better to just move north to Canada.
     
  4. Robert Taylor

    Robert Taylor New Member

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    "prochoice and anti-war"...???

    well, when the enemy comes a calling, Al Quada has always managed to repeatedly attack blue state targets and the red states are where the people are that still have the guts to take the fight to our foe on his turf.

    When the World Trade Towers were bombed on Clinton's watch in 1993 by Al Quada operatives, Clinton went to New Jersey and told people not to worry about it.

    If the Blue states actually did split off, it wouldn't be long before they capitulated to the Taliban. Think this is wrong? Rome became so decadent that its young men preferred to lop off a thumb rather than to defend their homeland. The Roman youth just quit being interested in fighting to protect their homeland, and if you won't fight for it, you will lose it.

    Red Staters would rather die in battle avenging our dead, and no one would screw with us with impunity.

    The charge is made that Red Staters have more sex, more affairs, higher divorce, tons more children...yup, its all likely true, we love to fight and rut. But we are not depopulating either.

    Thomas Sowell has an interesting perspective, says that the Redneck Nation of the south has corrupted the minority African American community into its love of sex and violence. Well, could be, but we shall be around long after the Blue States have depopulated from the liberals failures to reproduce. The hand that rocks the cradle wins in the long run.

    Congressional reapportionment continues to shift power in congress to the Redneck Nation, and the trend is just picking up steam.

    The passionate Catholic Hispanic immigrants have much more in common with Redneck Nation than they do with Blue State secularists. Just the strong Christian bonds assure that. Bush is prying the Hispanic vote away from the socialists for good for the GOP.

    Christianity, with its individual choice and responsiblity ethos is a perfect match for the free market system which has yielded the great wealth where it has been put into play. People and jobs are migrating from Blue States to Red States.

    Blue Staters can rage all they want to about it, but the Roe effect is real, liberals aborted their voters and now they lose at the ballot box so much that the GOP rules everything but the federal courts...but the battle is joined and the numbers are against the secularists.

    Personally, as an American patriot I celebrate those trends which increase our numbers. I welcome the Catholic Hispanics and even those fatherless children of Redneck Nation(of any skin color). I like being number one in the world militarily. The world should fear our power and our leaders. I feel much safer with a kick butt Texas Cowboy in the White House.
     
  5. Hybrid_Dave

    Hybrid_Dave New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Robert Taylor\";p=\"104552)</div>

    Listen up folks...this is the moral majority speaking!!!!

    By the way, it was a joke, although most of what you say was flawed and skewed to a one sided opinion....Clinton may have gone to New Jersey to tell people it's OK, but at least he didn't sit there for seven minutes afterwards, all the while, holding the book he was supposedly reading.......upside down.
     
  6. Hybrid_Dave

    Hybrid_Dave New Member

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    By that mere statement, you're implying that I'm both unpatriotic, and racist. That's typical of a Republican to accuse a Democrat of being unAmerican when ever dissent is shown. Wasn't it one of our Founding Fathers who said that Dissent is the highest form of Patriotism....and your statement that you feel safer with a "kick butt Texan" in the White House only weakens your arguement and makes you sound uninformed, misled, and traveling blindly through this divided, segregated, country. You know, the one with the doomed economy. "Number one militarily"? That's a laughable ideal to have....yes, we're the strongest superpower when it comes to military strength, but that does us no good if we're hated throughout the world as bullying, prying, and lying to finance our war effort. You can't be anything without allies...look at North Korea.....

    Anyways, like I said, it was a joke, but you obviously couldn't let it stand as a joke...not even when it slaps you "right" in the face.
     
  7. Marlin

    Marlin New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Hybrid_Dave\";p=\"104557)</div>
    Quite right. Clinton didn't sit around doing nothing for 7 minutes. It was 8 years.
     
  8. Hybrid_Dave

    Hybrid_Dave New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Marlin\";p=\"104560)</div>
    Quite right. Clinton didn't sit around doing nothing for 7 minutes. It was 8 years.
    [/b][/quote]

    It's sad when people don't recognize POLITICAL SATIRE when they see it....always have to turn it into some big debate....This was exactly my point in posting this thread....how divided we are is blown out of proportion, filled with hate, loathing, and in the end anyway you slice it, we're all screwed anyways.
     
  9. efusco

    efusco Moderator Emeritus
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    Keep this civil folks. Hybrid_Dave, you can claim innocence, but when your satire is one sided people will react, much as you would do. Robert Taylor is our resident right wing extremist and he'll defend the perch to the end.

    Stop the personal attacks, keep the discussion 3rd person or we'll slam the door---it isn't a democracy.
     
  10. Hybrid_Dave

    Hybrid_Dave New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(efusco\";p=\"104570)</div>
    Noted, thank you.

    Dave.
     
  11. Marlin

    Marlin New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Hybrid_Dave\";p=\"104558)</div>
    By you whole first post, you implied that Republicans and people who live in the Red States are simpletons, hicks, morons, religious nuts, etc. What's typical of a Democrat is to hurl insults with reckless abandon and then throw a tantrum when there exists even the slightest possibility that maybe one was thrown their way.

    You are right, disent and freedom of speech are great rights that we have in this country. Too bad the lefties don't really believe in it. They only believe in the freedom to speak their views. I challenge you to go your favorite lefty university, Berkley perhaps, and organize a Republican rally, and maybe hold up a poster of Bush. Let me know how you are treated.
     
  12. Marlin

    Marlin New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(efusco\";p=\"104570)</div>
    I too will behave from here on out.
     
  13. Hybrid_Dave

    Hybrid_Dave New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Marlin\";p=\"104573)</div>
    By you whole first post, you implied that Republicans and people who live in the Red States are simpletons, hicks, morons, religious nuts, etc. What's typical of a Democrat is to hurl insults with reckless abandon and then throw a tantrum when there exists even the slightest possibility that maybe one was thrown their way.

    You are right, disent and freedom of speech are great rights that we have in this country. Too bad the lefties don't really believe in it. They only believe in the freedom to speak their views. I challenge you to go your favorite lefty university, Berkley perhaps, and organize a Republican rally, and maybe hold up a poster of Bush. Let me know how you are treated.
    [/b][/quote]

    Actually, I graduated from UVA with undergrad work done at Wash U in St. Louis. I did just fine with my political opinions thanks. Look where I live, you think I don't know the struggle of being a political minority in a given state? Remember, the closest thing we have to a democratic majority is Washington DC...ironic isn't it? But, like E said, I guess we should keep this non-personal. Your opinions are noted and valued just the same, thanks.
     
  14. DaveinOlyWA

    DaveinOlyWA 3rd Time was Solariffic!!

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    it my opinion that you cannot categorize most people based on where they live or who they voted for.

    as for me, i am a non partison who voted for a democratic president and a republican governor, (both lost...,maybe its me)

    my thoughts on my choices. governor i felt somewhat strong about. as for president and the senator choices, i felt that i was picking the lesser of two evils. i was not even remotely happy with either candidate. never considered nader either

    so are you making a comment on our choices when i feel that we didnt have a viable choice?
     
  15. kidtwist

    kidtwist New Member

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    I think the whole red state/blue state divide is rather silly. For a state to be considered "red" means that at Bush got at least 1 more vote than anyone else running for president. But the implication of a red state on a map is that the whole state chose Bush. (and of course it's vice versa for dems). And that's only taking into the account the presidential election. And it doesn't say anything about who the state chose for Congress.

    So when you see a red state or a blue state on a map, don't put too much stock in it. It's not that cut and dried. Not even close.
     
  16. naterprius

    naterprius Senior Member

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    The red/ blue county map is deceiving because the population is so much more dense in the "smaller" counties.

    It seems that if you live in or near a city, you are blue. If you live out in the country, you are red.

    Exceptions exist, of course, but the fact remains that this country is deeply divided, split about half.

    What I find really strange is that the half who support W don't believe the country is divided. CNN headline a few months ago: "Public Opinion Evenly Split on Whether Country is Divided." I think that says it all.

    Nate
     
  17. Marlin

    Marlin New Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Hybrid_Dave\";p=\"104576)</div>
    I don't know too much about UVA and Washington U in St. Louis, but I'm assuming that you are implying that they lean a bit to the right or are at least middle of the road, evenly split kinds of Universities.

    It therefore does not surprise me that you would not have trouble with your political opinions at such schools. My point was about left leaning Universities, which would consider themselves (hypocritically of course) bastions of free speech and tolerance. Try standing up and announcing a non-left political opinion at one of those universities and see where it gets you.

    Do you want a recent example? Arnold Schwarzenegger's commencement speech at Santa Monica College. He wasn't even speaking about politics, yet he faced a constant stream of boos and jeers during his speech. Absolutely shameful, especially from a place that would proclaim itself to be a home of tolerance and free speech.
     
  18. IsrAmeriPrius

    IsrAmeriPrius Progressive Member

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    <div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Marlin\";p=\"104524)</div>
    An 11% margin of victory is considered to be a landslide by the pundits.

    Don't forget that 48% of the entire nation voted for Kerry. At 3%, Bush had the smallest comparative margin of victory of any reelected President.
     
  19. HYACK

    HYACK New Member

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    Congrats Hybrid Dave for winning the "Lightning rod" award for the day!!

    But watch those bolts, eh!!!

    Hey, seriously... satire is great, just maybe we can omit the hate and prejudice from it though??

    - New England Republican - voted Kerry ;)
     
  20. Greyskye

    Greyskye New Member

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