A last day, of sadness.

I bought this little car with my frau the week my Vette was toast in the driveway from an electrical fire.

I didn't want to drive the Jeep or the minivan every day... but was getting tired of the almost $500 a month gas bills to commute... even though I love driving that car.

It was the height of the shortage when folks were paying hundreds of coins to be on a list to buy...

I didn't pay to be on a list.

Susan called around for a few days and we had the dealer in Fairfield/Siusun call us and say he had one coming in that wasn't already promised to a customer in Cali... we left the house after I got home from work and drove to the dealership right away... the car was just being unloaded as we arrived.

I didn't want a red car...

It was green... my favorite color.

It had 10 miles on the ODO when I got back from the test drive... 9:45pm, the paperwork was done, and I was in the parking lot with this little car, Susan had to drive the minivan back to Sactown in front of me.

We always remarked how much we saved driving this little car to work...

Tonight...
After a few tequilas, I am saying she was the main reason I have this little car. She knew it... and I am happy for her guidance to this little car.

This is my wedding anniversary to the only woman that I know ever really chose me. As I drove the car home from a short day of work, I thanked the universe for giving me some time with her while I am still breathing air. The car easily accommodated the wheelchair when she needed it the last years, and I made a cradle to carry the 4 O2 bottles that fit easily on the seat behind her, so I could change the regulator in the car when the tank was empty. She could get in and out of the car easy, and preferred riding in it to her minivan.

The little car got me home safe daily, less than a gallon a day... what we saved in coins for petrol, paid the car note, and some of the insurance... well, it was a new car.

If I am as lucky as I think I am... my next car will give me as much utility and driving pleasure as this one has...

Or... maybe now, I can afford the Vette... hmmmm... maybe the new Grand Sport.

My friends tell me the Miata is a chick's car.
Is it wrong for me to like how the Miata feels when I drive it...

Susan would say yes... but she was a Vette/Harley kinda gal... she bought me the basket case in my avatar to fix up and drive as a christmas present... yet, after fixing it, and driving it, the Vette still needs fixing. Tall coins this time = three computers, two harnesses and their connectors, and gauges once the power is back on probably.

The Prius...
Almost 70,000 miles, and only the lever for the lights needed fixing from the factory... the rest of my problems are from drunk or careless drivers slamming into me from behind = messed up my already bad back from the service... which is one of the reasons for my intoxicated state.

This anniversary has more than one component... friends and family's birthdays, the passing of my FIL, and it is the first time I am without the smile of my Susan before I close my eyes.

When I do close my eyes to rest this day, I am hopeful I get to see her eyes in my mind again. I miss her touch, and her counsel, as my best friend and companion in this life.

If I am as lucky as I think I am, I will see her in the next life... which hopefully, isn't as much of a struggle as this one has been so far.

Wrap your arms around the people that make a difference in your world... we aren't guaranteed any more time than what you are doing now... so make now the best you can, with the people that make your time breathing air worth taking the next breath.

Susan was my frau... not my property, she was my companion by her choice... a partner in living... an honor I cannot put eloquently into words, yet... but I will try...

And when I drive this little car each day to get me to and fro in Sactown and beyond... I will remember the day we purchased it, driving as fast as the law would allow, so we could get it before someone else at an affiliated dealership put it on a list.

I need another drink... I don't smoke anymore, but I sure could use a couple of puffs off a Newport... I left work early yesterday because I had set up reminders, and calendars to make sure I got the flowers... the card... her chocolates... and got the menu right at where she wanted to eat... I started getting the reminders yesterday... I was a bit emotional and left work.

I left work early today because I would have anyways... it's my anniversary.

I may take tomorrow off... because I can... and I am sure my dreams will keep me restless through the darkness that comes in a few more hours.

I am thankful that my family and friends check up on me... but right now... I am going to listen to some recordings of her voice, watch a video of her singing "These Boots Are Made For Walking", and look at the few pictures I have of our days together.

Yeah... Thursday/Thor'sdaeg... I'll got back to work... tomorrow I'll finally go through her things... in all our years, I never touched her desk, or her purse... I'll start that tomorrow.

And now I have a friend in my ear...

Maybe in an hour or two I will rest for the new day ahead. Well if my grandkids don't stay long.

Bob Jr
amm0bob