Child-Free By Choice

Jeannie · Sep 19, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tnthub @ Sep 19 2006, 12:57 PM) [snapback]321682[/snapback]</div>

We have discussed adopting someday but no biological clock type stuff. Perhaps a slightly older child who would not otherwise have a chance to have a family.

My brother was adopted.

There are enough unwanted kids in this world and enough people who would rather pay day care, the cable tv companies, and internet access providers to raise them as opposed to being actual parents. Perhaps if it isn;t too late in a couple of years we will make the choice to raise a child. In the meantime we have having way too much fun and honeymoon type sex to have kids right now. if that is selfish then so be it. At least we are not contributing to the overwhelming tax burden in our community by having children, although sometimes I feel like we are subsidizing the education of our neighbors children.
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Thanks for considering adoption - there aren't enough 'good parents' to go around, and the kids up for adoption are probably more in need of 'good parents' than any of the kids who are already in a family that includes one or more parents.

Personally, I can tell you there's one big advantage of having an older kid - no diapers, toilet training, etc! My youngest was 5 and my older son was 12 when I became 'Mom' - lots easier on a working parent than infants and toddlers!

Jeannie · Sep 19, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(hybridTHEvibe @ Sep 19 2006, 03:27 PM) [snapback]321795[/snapback]</div>

can you prove that the love one might have for an animal can not be the same or equal as the one for a human being?
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No - I think people who've posted about loving pets vs loving children are actually talking about the difference in the EXPERIENCE of having one, the other or both. The amount of time requiring 24/7 care diminishes much sooner with a pet like a cat or dog compared to having a human <g>

One other aspect of the experience of being a parent vs being a pet owner is that the 'end goal' of being a parent is to raise a child to be a self-sufficient adult (barring physical problems, etc.) and have the 'child' leave the nest, and changing the relationship to one of adult/adult who happen to have a history of being parent/child. I doubt that having the pet 'leave the nest' is a common goal for pet owners!

Renocat · Sep 19, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Jeannie @ Sep 19 2006, 05:29 PM) [snapback]321869[/snapback]</div>

No - I think people who've posted about loving pets vs loving children are actually talking about the difference in the EXPERIENCE of having one, the other or both. The amount of time requiring 24/7 care diminishes much sooner with a pet like a cat or dog compared to having a human <g>

One other aspect of the experience of being a parent vs being a pet owner is that the 'end goal' of being a parent is to raise a child to be a self-sufficient adult (barring physical problems, etc.) and have the 'child' leave the nest, and changing the relationship to one of adult/adult who happen to have a history of being parent/child. I doubt that having the pet 'leave the nest' is a common goal for pet owners!
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I understand the love of and for a cat...my cat lights up and is glad to see me when I walk in the door. he loves me undconditionally (unless I forget to feed him )My child glowers at me and radiates hate because she cannot understand that I set boundries in her best interest. She has the desire to be a "normal" 16 year old but is trapped in the emotional and mental maturity of an 8 year old.

Jeannie · Sep 19, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Renocat @ Sep 19 2006, 05:48 PM) [snapback]321890[/snapback]</div>

I understand the love of and for a cat...my cat lights up and is glad to see me when I walk in the door. he loves me undconditionally (unless I forget to feed him )My child glowers at me and radiates hate because she cannot understand that I set boundries in her best interest. She has the desire to be a "normal" 16 year old but is trapped in the emotional and mental maturity of an 8 year old.
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LOL! Adolesence isn't fun for the parent OR the child! But it doesn't last forever!

tnthub · Sep 19, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Proco @ Sep 19 2006, 03:43 PM) [snapback]321811[/snapback]</div>

According to ChildFree.net, two psychologists interviewed couples for their reasons for having or not having children. The results (along with ChildFree's reaction) can be found here: http://www.childfree.net/potpourri_selfish.html. I don't necessarily agree with their contention, but if you look at the results as just results, the reasons given to be a parent can be construed as "selfish" reasons.
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Of couse they neglected to mention one obvious reason people have kids...

Someone screwed up or didn't use birth control.

Jeannie · Sep 19, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tnthub @ Sep 19 2006, 05:53 PM) [snapback]321897[/snapback]</div>

Of couse they neglected to mention one obvious reason people have kids...

Someone screwed up or didn't use birth control.
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(or had am unplanned birth control failure)

That's probably NOT what many people would say in response to a question from a psychologist! Of all the couples I've known, there's only one that I met after they had a child who candidly said that they 'had' to get married. I'd be willing to bet that many people who didn't 'plan' to have children will now say that it ws planned!

skruse · Sep 19, 2006

We chose 19 years ago to have one child (below replacement number), a chosen (not an "only") child. Our son just turned 18 and is starting university.

We made a long-term socially and environmentally responsible decision (vs. impulse). With over 6.5 billion humans, our species is overwhelming world ecosystems and making them increasingly nonsustainable.

hycamguy07 · Sep 19, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Proco @ Sep 19 2006, 03:29 PM) [snapback]321803[/snapback]</div>

The money and the quality time were certainly big things when we were making our decision. We relish being able to spend quiet evenings together just reading or (on Tuesdays) watching House. The biggest long-term financial concern we have is accumulating enough to be able to live comfortably in 30 years when we retire.
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I agree, we are the same way. It's funny We watch house, lost, ghost whisperer, dead like me, ect.
But both of us read Thursday after 830.. We too are looking at retirement in 20-30 yrs. As was said in another reply My wifes an elementry teacher and enjoys kids all day long but she gets to retreat at the end of the day to a quiet home..I cant spell if my life depended on it I have nephews & a niece that I have had the pleasure of being a part of them growing up. I have friends that have really good jobs and have kids & they are making it. The money gets tight then it frees up a little. up/down up/down.. We on the otherhand have weiner dogs :lol: they are great they snuggle and dont talk back and give unconditional love.. and we again have the freedom to pick up and go away for the weekend if we wanted to.

I think that other people having children is a wonderful thing. Except when they (parents) rely on the school system or law enforcement to raise thier kids for them because the kids wont listen or do what they want.. :angry:

To each their own, No kids , or having kids ..

We discussed it and decided "its just not our bag baby".

Proco · Sep 20, 2006

Man! I sign off for one night then engage in some spirited political discussion elsewhere in FHOP and come home to quite a lively discussion in my own backyard. Let's do a little housecleaning, shall we?

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(CMonster @ Sep 19 2006, 04:29 PM) [snapback]321833[/snapback]</div>

When I was married I got incredibly tired of potty training being the main topic of conversation at every social event. We have a very active No Kidding! chapter in Charlotte and we never discuss potty training at our gatherings.
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This is exactly one of the reasons we've contacted our local chapter of No Kidding!
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(CMonster @ Sep 19 2006, 04:29 PM) [snapback]321833[/snapback]</div>

The ex and I agreed when we first started dating that kids weren't in our future. Then his biological clock started ticking and he and his parents tried every possible tactic to pressure me in to having kids. When he realized it wasn't working, end of marriage. Guess I should have specified sickness and health, richer and poorer, kids or no kids.
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I'm sorry you had to go through that and your marriage didn't work out, but I'm glad you stuck to your guns. If you had given in to the pressure your marriage would have been worse & the child would have suffered. I had some of the same thoughts before we made the final decision. I was always the one who definitely didn't want any. My wife fell into the "not right now, but let's not do anything drastic in case we change our minds" camp. I'm glad I didn't have to go through what you went through. It's really disrepectful to try to pressure somone to do something they don't want to.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Jeannie @ Sep 19 2006, 05:04 PM) [snapback]321853[/snapback]</div>

I made lots of mistakes, but I think I did a decent job - my 'baby' just turned 29 and my older son and his wife have 2 boys, almost-2 and almost-5.
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Jeannie, having met you, I think I can say I'm sure you did a fine job. And under ridiculously tough circumstances, too. I admire you for what you've done. Especially being willing to go against the "family thinking" at that wake. I'm sure your Aunt Rita appreciated it.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(priusguy04 @ Sep 19 2006, 08:27 PM) [snapback]321967[/snapback]</div>

I agree, we are the same way. It's funny We watch house, lost, ghost whisperer, dead like me, ect.
But both of us read Thursday after 830.. We too are looking at retirement in 20-30 yrs. As was said in another reply My wifes an elementry teacher and enjoys kids all day long but she gets to retreat at the end of the day to a quiet home
<snip>
and we again have the freedom to pick up and go away for the weekend if we wanted to.
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This is one of the biggest benefits for us. If it's a beautiful evening, I can go home and say "let's have dinner on the beach" and we just pack up the picnic basket and go. In June we took a trip to Orlando for a long weekend with nothing but carry-on luggage. We loved that all we needed were 2 duffle bags.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(priusguy04 @ Sep 19 2006, 08:27 PM) [snapback]321967[/snapback]</div>

I think that other people having children is a wonderful thing. Except when they (parents) rely on the school system or law enforcement to raise thier kids for them because the kids wont listen or do what they want.. :angry:
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Oh, I am so with you on this one. There are lots of good parents out there, but there's also a lot that don't
*edited to add a word

Rancid13 · Sep 20, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(skruse @ Sep 19 2006, 04:41 PM) [snapback]321941[/snapback]</div>

We chose 19 years ago to have one child (below replacement number), a chosen (not an "only") child. Our son just turned 18 and is starting university.

We made a long-term socially and environmentally responsible decision (vs. impulse). With over 6.5 billion humans, our species is overwhelming world ecosystems and making them increasingly nonsustainable.
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That's the decision we've made as well. I like your use of the word "chosen" child, mind if I use it? If we should feel the need to further expand our family, we will definitely adopt as there are so many children out there without families to love and nurture them. I will never be pregnant again, and I'll take that promise to my grave.

hycamguy07 · Sep 20, 2006

Proco~

Exactly, We have jumped into the prius and puttered up to St. Augustine for the weekend, Its really nice.

However, we have also gone to WDW and saw the irritated parents pushing the 6 months - 4 yr olds around not looking very happy as the child is screaming its head off.... :huh:

DaveinOlyWA · Sep 22, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tnthub @ Sep 19 2006, 02:53 PM) [snapback]321897[/snapback]</div>

Of couse they neglected to mention one obvious reason people have kids...

Someone screwed up or didn't use birth control.

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in our case it was failed birth control.

Proco · Sep 22, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(priusguy04 @ Sep 20 2006, 07:51 PM) [snapback]322542[/snapback]</div>

However, we have also gone to WDW and saw the irritated parents pushing the 6 months - 4 yr olds around not looking very happy as the child is screaming its head off.... :huh:
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We've been to WDW a number of times and enjoyed ourselves knowing we could do the things we wanted to and wouldn't have to spend the whole day at "Ariel's Grotto" or something like that.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(tnthub @ Sep 19 2006, 05:53 PM) [snapback]321897[/snapback]</div>

Of couse they neglected to mention one obvious reason people have kids...

Someone screwed up or didn't use birth control.
<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(DaveinOlyWA @ Sep 22 2006, 10:46 AM) [snapback]323356[/snapback]
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in our case it was failed birth control.
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Naturally there's a percentage that fall into the "Whoops!" category (whatever the reason). But I think the original question from the psychologists was about why people choose to have children.

TonyPSchaefer · Sep 22, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Proco @ Sep 22 2006, 12:00 PM) [snapback]323439[/snapback]</div>

We've been to WDW a number of times and enjoyed ourselves knowing we could do the things we wanted to and wouldn't have to spend the whole day at "Ariel's Grotto" or something like that. [/b]
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Oh man, how my wife hates WDW. Too many children.

But I'm with you in thought. We hit the malls on weekends with no more forethought than checking the cat food and "does this shirt go with these pants."

But I think there's a happy medium in there somewhere. Parents need to understand that we don't want to hear about their children all the time. Likewise, parents don't want to constantly hear that we don't want children. There are other topics to talk about. Either find them or stop hanging around with each other.

jared2 · Sep 22, 2006

Been there, done that. See thread "Are kids worth having"

The strongest argument in favour of not having kids is you will never have to go to Disneyland.

Proco · Sep 22, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jared2 @ Sep 22 2006, 01:52 PM) [snapback]323470[/snapback]</div>

Been there, done that. See thread "Are kids worth having"
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I never looked at it as a question of are they worth having. If you have children or want them, then they're more than worth their weight in gold. I have no problem with anyone who has (or wants) children.

When I made my original post I was looking to connect with others who've made the same choice my wife & I made.

But, as things seem to do here at Fred's, it kinda took on a life of its own.

jared2 · Sep 22, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Proco @ Sep 22 2006, 02:15 PM) [snapback]323480[/snapback]</div>

I never looked at it as a question of are they worth having. If you have children or want them, then they're more than worth their weight in gold. I have no problem with anyone who has (or wants) children.

When I made my original post I was looking to connect with others who've made the same choice my wife & I made.

But, as things seem to do here at Fred's, it kinda took on a life of its own.
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Strange. I don't see the difference between "are kids worth having" and "should we be child-free". It is exactly the same idea in my opinion.

hycamguy07 · Sep 22, 2006

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(TonyPSchaefer @ Sep 22 2006, 01:21 PM) [snapback]323451[/snapback]</div>

Oh man, how my wife hates WDW. Too many children.

But I'm with you in thought. We hit the malls on weekends with no more forethought than checking the cat food and "does this shirt go with these pants."

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Oh Tony you hit another point...

I used to work part time for a mall in the security dept (private) not contract. Every Friday & Saturday nite You could set your watch at 5:00pm the parents would show up and drop thier kids offfor us to monitor. The kids would hang out, go to a movie, shop lift or wander the common areas or have sex in the service corridors & the back stair wells of the movie theaters. We called the wanderers (Mall Rats), the parents sometimes would get charged with child abandonment (if caught) when we found a child 5yrs old that came with their 9 yr old brother or sister to watch them so mommy & daddy could have time to themselves... :angry:

The Mall is not a daycare or a kiddie hangout spot, its a business that there to make money....

aaf709 · Sep 22, 2006

My wife has a bad back so a pregnancy wouldn't have been good for her.

No kids, but a lot of cats. One is a diabetic and requires 2 insulin shots a day. Unless she comes with us, the only trips we can do are one day (ie no overnight).

Stev0 · Sep 23, 2006

I really like kids, I just don't want one of my own 24/7.

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