Friends and friendship

this thread is somewhat depressing..... I have thought I had several friends in my life to only find they were not.

Its risky investing so much in someone who does not give back....
Its rare to truely find someone who enjoys your presence regardless of your interest and hobbies and opinions. Usually family is the closest.

When you can pour yourself out like water in a glass and your friend can drink it without chokeing.... thats rare.

Most people freak when you get too intimate. Most have been wounded enough in life that another friend is just too risky.. so they only let aquaintances inside.

I wish I had more friends.

The good book says.. "he that has friends shows himself friendly".. I guess I'm not a good host..... thank goodness for my wife.. she takes up the slack!

I have enjoyed the little bit of coorespondence I have found on PC..... life can be so lonely when your surrounded with people on every side!

 

exactly.

 

galaxee:

Seeing your comments through another persons eyes could be very enlightning. You have choosen those comments which go to strengthen your own views and protect you from the very things that would allow you more true friends. True, it takes risk.....you can get hurt. I do understand that. But the opposite is so worth that risk. A lifetime of multple friends is always worth the bumpy ride to find them.

Hope you're not offended galaxee. It was merely an attempt on my part to nudge ya a wee bit to the side where showing a bit of yourself would, over time, give you gifts of friendship that, I believe, we all truly need.

 

Wow, this thread definitely has a depressing tone to it regardless of the fact that it's titled "Friends and Friendship". I like to call myself antisocial, but I don't really believe that I am. I'm never one to be lonely, but I don't have to constantly surround myself with people to make myself feel better. I work better alone most of the time.

Although I am more likely to stay at home on a Friday night instead of going out (I've always been this way), I don't have a problem going out with a group of people or getting along w/folks in a large group or a smaller more intimate group. I don't have a problem meeting and getting to know new people, although I am definitely on the shy side and would rather someone approach me first rather than the other way around.

I have a handful (4-5) of people that I would call my very best friends, the type of people with whom I would entrust my life; and another handful of good friends that I see on occasion, and lots of people I would call merely acquaintences. I also consider some of the people in my family to be my friends...my brother and his fiancee, my brother-in-law's fiancee, a couple of cousins, etc.

Good friends really are hard to come by...I try to hold onto the few I have, as they're precious to me and our friendships mean so much.

I've unfortunately fallen out of touch with some friends (aquaintences, good friends, and a best friend) as the years have gone by and they've moved away, our lives took different directions, or we just stopped calling each other. I've gotten back in touch with a couple of them recently (thanks to MySpace actually-gotta love the internet) and it's been great getting together with them again. Also looking forward to seeing another former best friend at our upcoming 10-year HS reunion this year that I fell out of touch with 5 years back and I haven't been able to find her since.

I've also had friends in my life at different time periods that I would probably not be friends with today, but at that particular point in time I needed them and vice versa and our friendships worked. But then we passed through that period and continued on in our journey of life and and I consider a lot of those time periods to be learning experiences. They entered my life (and I theirs) for a purpose or reason, fulfilled that purpose, and then we moved on...if that makes any sense whatsoever.

 

Have you ever noted that those who are quiet have a hard time making friends?

I agree with 360 that its better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. Even though by loving we become vulnerable to intense pain, if it is lost, we are at least alive. Those you will not love are dead men walking.


Love is not what causes the pain.. its the losing of it!

Its hard to be compassionate and empathetic to others if you have never hurt yourself. Life can be very dishartening yet can be extremely fullfilling. Most of where we seek for friendship are the wrong places. Places where people are looking to "get" from others rather than give. Places where couples get together and its a relationship of "get <--> get" verses "give <--> give"... The first example is founded in lust, the second in love. Lust takes, Love gives.

In the act of taking a chance and "giving", often others can find the strength from your love to give back. Women are excellent at reflecting back what a man gives out... but too often they too are sapped dry by giving to a sponge that is never satisfied.

It is hard however to give too much without finding someone who will reciprocate unless you have learned the joy of just giving to give...and thats really a jewel!...

But most of us are hurt and wounded and looking for healing and strength from another relationships, not to give out even more energy and get sapped dry ourselves?

Something about life is that the good parts of it are always found in faith. Faith to reach out without promises and without proof of payback.

Somehow those who give are always given to and taken care of in the long haul.

But those who grow cold and hardened become petrefied in thier disfigurement and often never recover and even those friends they thought they had fade away as thier strength is drained too from being around someone so cold.

Thank goodness for those who know how to give and be a friend that knows how to melt the cold cold heart.

Thank goodness for a good woman.. than likewise a good man and likewise a good friend!

 

My problem with this discussion is "friends" is a very subjective word. I personally don't think anyone can have over several friends.

I have only a few friends (some would call them close friends) but have lots of co-workers, acquaintences, church brethern, and people who share common interests.

You use the word friend where I might say acquaintence and vice versa.

 

no offense taken. i've just given way too much of myself and been taken advantage of in so many situations, i prefer to stick to the friends i have that are good enough to keep in contact while i'm so far away.

i've been here 20 months and have not formed any strong connections partially because i feel little attachment to the shallowness of the people here and partially because all that i've given has been taken and not reciprocated. i have stopped calling them because they stopped calling me. and why, you ask, have they stopped calling me? because i work(ed) in a lab outside the department, it became too much work to pick up the phone.

in general if i click with someone it's a genuine friendship. if i try too hard i might as well not try at all.

people don't get me, and never will get me. it's whether they accept the conditions that have made me the person i am today or not. many look at me in disbelief and either think i'm lying or i'm way above and beyond them in life, and either way is not pleasant for them to see.

so screw 'em. that's my policy and i'm sticking to it.

 

galaxee:

There was a author who wrote a book called "I'm ok, You're ok". Or something like that. The premise was simple. We all are ok. As you said, the act of unconditional love or just pure acceptance is such a powerful feeling. We all need that.

So, friend, I will continue to enjoy your posts here as I always have. Maybe someday you and your hubby will make another trip to cheezeland and we can meet and enjoy seeing each others Prii.

Cheers

 

You just became part of the group. You hit the "send" button.

 

welcome Allan glad to have been of assistance in some way.

this is a rather downer thread from the usual PC banter. just hang in, throw your opinions out there to be argued, agreed with and anything in between, and you'll get the hang of it.

we really are a friendly bunch overall.

 

Thank you both. I will follow the advice. I've used Troy and figured out the tire pressure thing with your help. This is really a friendly thing for you all to do. That counts for a lot in my opinion!

Allan de

 

Yea.. I guess freind could mean anyone you know that you wouldn't like to kill? :lol:

 

i think being a friend you must be willing to open up. make mistakes, offer your opinion. many people lurk here without saying much because they dont want to seem foolish or nieve or whatever. we have all made mistakes, got bent out of shape over the littlest of things that was taken completely wrong, then been humbled by a completely sensible explanation of what was typed. it happens. you have to be a bit thick skinned and willing to take a well rounded view. now that is easy to say, and most here follow that rule, but no one is perfect, and we all fall off the friendship wagon once in a while, but the conflicts are what makes a closer relationship. we live, we screw up, we yell, we forgive, then we laugh about all of it. thats life.


as far as friends go, ive moved a lot so most of my close friends i eventually lose touch with. there are a few exceptions. one guy i seem to only make contact with every 4-5 years or so. i currently dont know where he is at, but that has happened three previous times before...then i ran into him in California (met him in Texas) was in contact with him for about a year, then i moved, eventually to WA. then ran into him in Portland, OR at the Smithsonian exhibition in 1997... found out he was living about 25 miles away from me. he never knew i lived in WA (when i first moved i went to bay area for 3 years before coming to Wa)

he then got a job in Iraq driving a truck or something (he actually wasnt to sure of what he would be doing i think) lost contact with him. then i ran into him again, a few years ago and he was on his way to some place in Mexico, his parents had been living there for years and his dad was dying of cancer so he was headed down to see him. he was in seattle and had been fishing in alaska and was picking up a paycheck

other than him, ive had 4 close friends die. one died of heart attack at age 31. another died from a virus, no one knew what it was. one got drunk and hit a tree just north of Centralia. another was stone cold sober and 4 wheeling and rolled off the side of a hill.

i guess right now my closest friend is probably my sister. i know that doesnt qualify as a typical friend type of thing, but what we have isnt the typical sibling type of thing.

then again... i need to get out more.

 

had two best friends, my dad and an old carnie who I guess adopted me. One carried the other and then I carried him. Hardened now. Broken, more to the truth. Don't start and don't want.

 

yes It quite amazing how much we can know and how much we can invest and be close to someone then lose them for whatever reason. sometimes its good when we move on... beit a freind or a job... we mature, we wise up and get to start all over and do it better the next time.

Dave, I feel for you man.... but at the same time losing all those freinds is what will make you an even more awesome friend to the next person. We only value and nuture things we don't want to lose. I really believe what makes me and my wife so strong is the fact be both lost our first spouses first before we both met.
Because we know the pain of loss.... we both make sure it does'nt happen again!

Even so, its quite possible that your now matured enough to really extract value out of your next close freindship.

what is bad turns out for good if you survive.... it takes a litte poop to make a plant grow good.... ever had any poop dumped on you before? I most definately have!

 

Well said, Friend :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: :lol:

 

I'll take that as a good gesture coming from you!.....

 

That right there is very hopeful to me - my little brothers (ages 9 and 13) mean the world to me. I've always been the oldest and much older at that, so we've never had the 'friends' kind of relationship, as much as I want to. The older is actually becoming quite his own person, and I'm enjoying getting to listen to his mind work itself into adulthood. I'm very honored that he thinks that I'm a good sounding board for a lot of his thoughts - I really hope that someday, they will both list me amongst their friends (and, hopefully, mean something more than not wanting to kill me)