Is loneliness and social isolation a serious health problem in this country?

I agree Daniel.

This is where I went over the summer on an Alpine Ecology field trip.

White Mountains and Sierra Nevada

I have not made these into a video but I will. Till then this was my trip to Chile to study a small village and the sustainability program there.

Open and click "View Slideshow"
Ayacara, Chile

Somehow I am going to find a way to continue going to school so I can visit places like these are a job. There are some very remarkable places just up the road from where I live as well. I just have to keep my eyes open and my mind free.

 

There are a lot more factors than just living alone.

For instance "skin hunger". Americans don't touch or get touched enough. I recently returned from visiting in Guatemala. Every time we were introduced to family or friends we got a hug and a kiss on the cheek. At hello, at goodbye, at hello the next day. And the 'speed of life' was much slower. They didn't take siestas in the afternoon. But meals were casual, slow and together. There was no frantic hurry. If you were late, you were late and nothing could be done about it. It was an attitude toward life thing.

I think Americans have created a lot of what is causing us problems, from loneliness to obesity with our frantic, type A lifestyle. And yes, that may include isolation. You can't house an extended family in a 2 bedroom condo with a view of the bay.

When I was growing up my parents added on to their home so each child could have their very own room and not have to share. They added more rooms so there would always be at least one guest room available. (And my mother got her sewing room and my Dad got his hobby room.) With the growing price of real estate I have to wonder how many families still have a guest room? Or is it just a fold out couch in the living room? Or is it the local hotel and we'll see you later?

Now sharing a room with either of my siblings would have driven me nuts, as I need my quite time. But my siblings shared until they started Junior High when the addition was done enough.

And just like America to try to solve all problems chemically. I'm not knocking drugs, but I think they're prescribed too soon and too freely. Changing behavior and getting to the root of the problem would devastate the phameceutical industry. Heaven forbid we heal ourselves by solving the underlying problem instead of medicating the symptoms.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Godiva @ Dec 20 2006, 10:06 AM) [snapback]364680[/snapback]</div>

"Skin hunger" was a term a counselor of mine used. Most humans need to be touched. That's why (I presume) pets are so therapeutic.

On the topic of this thread, there has been extensive research on happiness. It turns out that above an income adequate to meet the basic needs, money is not an indicator of happiness, and surprisingly, health is not an indicator of happiness. A person who wins the lottery will be very happy at first, but then will return to being no more happy than other folks. And a person who becomes paraplegic from an auto accident will be very unhappy at first, but a year later will be no less happy than other folks.

However, the number of friends a person has is directly correlated with happiness: the more friends you have, the happier you are.

These of course are statistical and average trends. Not every individual will fit the trend.

Source: The Psychology of Human Behavior, lecture series from The Teaching Company, taught by Professor David W. Martin, professor of psychology at North Carolina State University.

 

This whole thread is amazing to me. Most of the people that are lonely contribute greatly to this site with their perspective. You are valued and form the personality of Prius Chat. At the very least you can be assured that you are appreciated from afar.

Make an effort to remember that it's much better to be alone and happy (hopefully) than to be with another and unhappy.

 

I've read this thread over in the past. It's kinda long now to read again.

There is only 1 thing i really have to say.

My nephews and neice play on the computer too much. I've noticed this with other people too. It ruins their people skills, manners, and potentially puts them in danger with places they do not know. ( like myspace.. not designed for a 13 year old.. or younger)

So with all the younger people i know... yeah.. this is a problem for them growing up. they are not really learning any social skills. Sure.. in the end, they will be kinda like me... they will know more than anyone else around them because hopefully (if they utilize their addiction) they will read anything they want to learn... use the computer as a resource and not substitute for life.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jared2 @ Dec 20 2006, 12:50 PM) [snapback]364773[/snapback]</div>

A good family environment is a blessing few Americans have. There was a very insightful cartoon that pictured an almost-empty auditorium, with a banner at the back reading "Children of Healthy Families Convention," or something to that effect.

The study I cited seems to contradict your second assertion, although I would have agreed with you. It's been some years since I had a paying job since my independent income dwarfed any salary I could have earned with my skills. But in Fargo I had a volunteer job I liked, whereas here in Spokane I have not found one that interests me. Yet, my overall happiness index is not really any different.

My happiest hours have been those I spent with a girl (when I was young) or a woman (since becoming an adult) who I particularly liked or had a crush on; and that's multiplied a hundredfold if there's any kind of skin contact happening, even if it's just holding hands.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Godiva @ Dec 20 2006, 10:06 AM) [snapback]364680[/snapback]</div>

This is a habit I picked up in Chile. All of us on the trip noticed it and it made us feel very welcome in the home and as such we have adpoted it and integrated it into our lives here in the states. The relaxed attitute is something else I've picked up after a class in Intercultural Communications and being in Chile. I find I am much more calm and I don't stress near as much as I used to. Good post Godvia, as usual.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(jared2 @ Dec 20 2006, 04:09 PM) [snapback]364717[/snapback]</div>

1800!!!!!!!!!!! Why, I was raised in a fmaily of 7 with only 1100. What a WASTE!!!!!!!

Now, before you get hyper, I am simply pointing out that this is all a point of view. If your neighbors want 3000+, then why is that any concern of yours? 1800, IMHO, is excessive for 3.

 

Does anyone else see the irony in the fact we have this thread, and then we have this thread?

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Stev0 @ Dec 20 2006, 07:37 PM) [snapback]364913[/snapback]</div>

Makes perfect sense to me. Loneliness is an epidemic. Loneliness leads to fantasies about sexual companionship, and that other thread is pretty clearly a sex-fantasy thread. Though I think that other thread is a bit silly: the kind of woman you could control with a remote would get pretty boring pretty quickly.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Stev0 @ Dec 20 2006, 10:37 PM) [snapback]364913[/snapback]</div>

No irony. *This* thread is not a joke.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(daniel @ Dec 20 2006, 12:00 PM) [snapback]364750[/snapback]</div>

I've read a couple of articles that follow this, but they usually say the person who has "found wealth" returns to their former state, not that they were unhappy and then became closer to the norm with money. The irony is that they end up just as unhappy.

But being happy is not the opposite of being depressed. When unhappiness is simply a matter of attitude, and not a medical condition like depression, you do have to realize that you have enormous power. You can't really control anything in life except your attitude.

I wonder if happy people attract more friends, or if having more friends makes you happy. I have few real friends at this stage of my life, but consider myself an extremely happy person. But I have always been happy, at every stage in my life, with friends or without.

(I am married, in a great relationship that has lasted over 30 years, so that probably has a lot to do with it).

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(fshagan @ Dec 20 2006, 10:55 PM) [snapback]364978[/snapback]</div>

That is awesome. Congrats!

 

Humans exist in such complicated webs. Many years ago I read a book by Alvin Toffler called "The Third Wave". The thrust of this book was his observation that humans have lived through two prior "waves" and we are now in the throws of the beginning of the "Third Wave".

These waves are nothing but the hidden blueprint of our society. The first wave was the Agrarian society. Mother, father, son, daugher, aunts, uncles, cousins ......simply everyone lived under one roof and toiled on the land. Living in that society was much different than the Second wave.

The hidden blueprint of the Second Wave was the Industrial Revolution. It promoted standardization and uniformity. Because of this uniformity change was slow. Everyone was synchronized by time. Everyone ate at the same time. Went to bed at the same time, got to work at the same time etc. It was centralized which allowed power and money to flow to the center. The growth of cities and the mass media are examples. It created the division of labor which then resulted in specialization in the workplace. In the mass society of the now dying industrial society, the team was more important than the individual. In the second wave, bigger was better. In the family the lifestyle of the agrarian society was replaced by a much different one. Mother, father, sister and brother now lived under one roof. Everyone else was forced to find another place for themselves under similar conditions. Everyone got their own refrigerator, their own furniture, their own car. The blueprint had changed.

We now and have been moving into the Third Wave. Again the blueprint is changing. We are now seeing what Toffler said would happen 30 years ago. Our institutions are breaking down. Our family structure has no resemblance to that of the family in the second wave. The individual has become more important. Anything goes. OPTIONS are the key. You are now free to have any family condition you like. You can have children or not. You are gay? No problem. You don't want to marry? ok. etc etc. The rate of change has increased to the speed of light. Satellites brings us information but the political process was never designed to deal with the rate of change we now see. Mistakes of huge proportions occur (Iraq).

BUT as all these changes occur I am observing for myself a true disconnect with how I was brought up. I am finding it difficult to relate to changes which work against everything I was taught was important. When I was brought up, the idea of merely living with someone was not acceptable. Now it is common place. The sheer rate of change has also increased beyond any reason as well.

And we are lonely? How can we not be? We are skin deprived? What institutions are there which bring people together in a physical but meaningful way? Yes, I love the way we can be so interconnected like we are here on PriusChat, for example. But we are paying a price for this. Now we merely brand someone a sex offender because of the lack of understanding we have on the individual who is trying to deal with the new hidden blueprint of the Third Wave. People are having problems dealing with the new right and wrongs of our society. This thread is showing that we are in need of new institutions which allow our human evolved need to touch each other accept that which is hardwired into each of us but by finding healthy outlets. In times past Priests have been held to extremely high standards of abstinence. But as we have empirically seen that has not been easy to maintain. Hopefully, we can create a way for us to accept our vulnerability and still communicate wisely. To see our failings and work hand-in-hand to fix them. This also applies to our political institutions. I'm referring to the strangle hold and break down of our political institutions with their need to create fear to maintain their power over us and for us to be able to realize they are trying to manipulate us into enslaving ourselves.

Yes, this is really a lonely time for people because until the blueprint of our new Third Wave is finally written we will be left with our own feelings of right and wrong. And right now that is a very lonely place to be as we all work through these changes. Many points of friction will occur (and have already occurred). But through it all will evolve changes which will ultimately be accepted globally. Until then hold on to your seats because and until there is consensus there will be difficult friction to bear and at a blindingly fast rate. Hopefully it will improve sooner rather than later.

I hope you don't mind my attempt at connecting the dots with what I feel is a large part of the problem of people feeling lonely with the larger picture of changes in our hidden blueprints of our now global society.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Godiva @ Dec 20 2006, 11:06 AM) [snapback]364680[/snapback]</div>

So well said! I saw the same thing in Italy. People live on top of each other in the cities there. Families are full on physical with hugs, kisses, the uncle pinching and such. People bump into each other, they look at you..in the eye. They seemed so happy and well balanced.
We have a consumer from Albania. Her parents, especially her father, are physycally loving. She is developmentally disabled so even though her body is a woman, she is more his little girl than most daughters. We have had some very close minded staff make accusations.
Even tonight as I was watching a show on HGTV I was amazed at the amount of space people think they need in a house. They want the formal living room, a den, an office...a place for just "me". When people spend so much energy wanting to find their place to be alone they may find there is no one left for them to be with when they do want company!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(fshagan @ Dec 20 2006, 10:55 PM) [snapback]364978[/snapback]</div>

Yes. You have stated it more clearly than I did. Thank you.

For my part, I came into money fairly recently. I am no more or less "happy" now than I was when I lived on the farmstead with my cat and a bucketload of books and virtually no "disposable" income after necessities, but I am having a lot more fun, as I am able to travel as much as I like. Giving substantial amounts of money to friends is fun, too. And I am much more comfortable in a house that does not have frozen floors half the year due to leaky walls.

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Three60guy @ Dec 21 2006, 12:00 AM) [snapback]364981[/snapback]</div>

Your Mr. Toffler leaves out band-level societies and tribe-level societies, which still exist in isolated places, and which our ancestors presumably passed through as well. Such societies are extremely egalitarian and the basic necessities are shared. Child-rearing is also communal. Band-level societies have no permanent leadership. A skilled individual will emerge as a leader for a specific activity, and then return to being just another member of the band. Tribe-level societies have leaders, but these retain their position only as long as they maintain the respect of the people.

This suggests two distinct "waves" even before Mr. Toffler's three. Otherwise, classifications like Mr. Toffler's are generally so grossly oversimplified as to be pretty much useless.