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Joke the wife just sent me.. thought I would share

Discussion in 'Fred's House of Pancakes' started by Jabber, May 28, 2009.

  1. Jabber

    Jabber Chicagoland Prius Guy

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    A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.

    An earlier discussion had led to an argument and neither of them wanted to concede their position.

    As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,

    the husband asked sarcastically, 'Relatives of yours?'

    'Yep,' the wife replied, 'in-laws.'






    I'm gonna have to talk to her about her sense of humor..
     
    #1 Jabber, May 28, 2009
  2. Bica2go

    Bica2go New Member

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    It's one of those things that happens with marriage:


    Dear Tech Support:
    Last year I upgraded fromGirlfriend 7.0 toWife 1.0 . I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources.

    In addition,Wife 1.0installed itself into all other! programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such asPoker Night 10.3 ,Football 5.0,Hunting and Fishing 7.5, andRacing 3.6.

    I can't seem ! to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back toGirlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work onWife 1.0. Please help!

    Thanks,
    Troubled User.....
    _____________________________________
    REPLY:
    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that men complain about.

    Many people upgrade fromGirlfriend 7.0 toWife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program.Wife 1.0 is an ! OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to runEVERYTHING. It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return toGirlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.

    You cannot go back toGirlfriend 7.0becauseWife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in yourWife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keepWife 1.0! and wor k on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application"Yes dear"to alleviate software augmentation.

    The best course of action is to enter the commandC:\APOLOGIZE!Because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
    Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance.Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0,Cook It 1.5andDo Bills 4.2.

    However! ,be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag9.5 . Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance ofWife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0

    WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3 ..3 . This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system!

    Best of luck,
    Tech Support
     
    #2 Bica2go, May 28, 2009
    2 people like this.
  3. jayman

    jayman Senior Member

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    [sound of Jayman kissing the carpet, eternally thankful he's a happy bachelor]
     
    #3 jayman, May 28, 2009
  4. bevspark

    bevspark Toyota, Major Sponsors of The

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    Lucky you installed Wife1.0 because if you had installed husband1.0 it would eventually have to go on a floppy disk.;)
     
    #4 bevspark, May 28, 2009
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  5. Bica2go

    Bica2go New Member

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    Showing my age here, but... Have you noticed that floppy disk size has been diminishing over time? First there were 8" floppies, followed by 5", then 3 1/2 and now there are these teeny weeny 'thumbs' that can do so much more than the old disks! It's a cialis generation. Thumbs up!
     
    #5 Bica2go, May 28, 2009
  6. bevspark

    bevspark Toyota, Major Sponsors of The

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    Mmmm Yes they do get smaller with age! :lol:
     
    #6 bevspark, May 28, 2009
  7. patsparks

    patsparks An Aussie perspective

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    Bev, you make it tough for me to have a smart arse comeback to your posts.

    I could say girlfriend 8.0 is a utility which can restore a damaged floppy particularly when Girlfriend 8.0 is installed on the hard drive. Girlfriend 8.0 is often a superior entertainment package to previous versions of Girlfriend. Be wary of generic versions. Of course it is advisable to install girlfriend 8.0 on a system which is never allowed to network with Wife 1.0 unless Wife 1.0 is uninstalled and even then there may be system conflicts. The uninstall can be done by skilled technicians known as Family Law Solicitors but the cost of unistall can be prohibitive and the ongoing system maintenance costs are extreme after uninstall, particularly if Child 1.0 and later versions are still in beta format and not fully self supported programs.

    But I would never say that.
     
    #7 patsparks, May 29, 2009
  8. bevspark

    bevspark Toyota, Major Sponsors of The

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    Are you saying that the floppy disk needs are working hard drive to fit into?
     
    #8 bevspark, May 29, 2009
  9. patsparks

    patsparks An Aussie perspective

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    No, I'm saying that by installing Girlfriend 8.0 on the hard drive the Floppy problem can be eliminated.
     
    #9 patsparks, May 29, 2009
  10. fred garvin

    fred garvin New Member

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    ok, so in the spirit of jokes and as this is PRIUS chat, i offer this one up and hope nobody is offended. Use it on a married man that you want to joke with.


    Hey Barney, what's the difference between your wife and a Prius? Some people have never been in a Prius.
     
    #10 fred garvin, May 29, 2009
  11. bevspark

    bevspark Toyota, Major Sponsors of The

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    :blush:

    Husband and Wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th Wedding Anniversary!
    The Husband yells, "When you die, i'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here lies my wife - Cold as ever!"
    "Yeah" she replies, "When you die, I'm getting a headstone that reads, 'Here lies my husband - Stiff at last'!":p
     
    #11 bevspark, May 29, 2009
  12. jayman

    jayman Senior Member

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    [Sound of Jayman AGAIN kissing the carpet, eternally thankful he's a happy bachelor]
     
    #12 jayman, May 29, 2009
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