one liner Puns

What's a Halloween banquet called? A Boo-fay.

What's the name of those cell phone thingies worn on the ear? An ear-ring.

 

Did you hear about the cow that got picked up by the tornado? It was an utter disaster.

 

not a pun, but a true story.

my SO has the habit of locking the bathroom door and not unlocking it when she leaves. after having the bathroom door be locked when i had to go, i figured i would teach her a lesson as a joke so i took the bathroom door knob off and turned it around.

i told her that i made it to where she could not lock us out of the bathroom anymore. she immdiately replied " the door better still lock"

i replied that it still did.

she got up, went and checked the door and was satisfied after she tested the lock.

it wasnt till i started laughing that she realized what i had done.

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(priusguy04 @ Sep 29 2006, 06:10 PM) [snapback]325792[/snapback]</div>

A mountain lion comes down the jetway to board a Southwest flight carrying two squirrels. The flight attendent stops him and says: "Sorry Sir, only one carrion per passenger!"

 

A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.

 

This thread should have been called Punliners.

 

I got to the bus stop just as the bus was pulling away. I knew if I ran, I could catch it at the next stop a couple blocks away. So off I went, running behind the bus. Well, I made it! I managed to get on the bus at the next stop. As I paid my fare, gasping, I said, "I just chased the bus for two blocks and boy am I exhausted."

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(geologyrox @ Sep 30 2006, 02:11 PM) [snapback]326185[/snapback]</div>

I got:
You scored: 9 / 10
Total points: 90
The average score for this quiz: 7 / 10

 

One of my all time favorites:

There was a man, called Paddywhack, who worked in a very prestigious bank. One day a frog came in asking for a car loan. So he gave the frog the loan application papers. As the frog was filling them out, Paddywhack was looking over his shoulder. In the space for 'Father' the frog wrote in 'Mick Jagger'. Paddywhack said nothing. Then he asked the frog if he had enough money for a deposit. The frog said he didn't but produced a strange looking colourful glass sculpture that he said was worth a whole heap of money. Paddywhack said he'd have to talk to his boss about this, so he took the forms and the glass sculpture into his boss' office. He told his boss about the papers and asked him if he knew what the sculpture was. To which his boss replied,
"It's a nic nac Paddywhack, give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone

 

Thanks for calling the Incontinence Hotline...can you hold...?

 

Terrorists put sticks of TNT in a bovine; it was an abominable situation!

A French general was so frustrated trying to remove the floor coverings in his kitchen that he used explosives to do the job. They called him, "linoleum blown apart",

"I love this thread"

 

I started pooping dollar bills. I called my doctor, and he said to call back if I see any change.

 

<div align="center"> DYSLEXICS
UNTIE!</div>

 

Roy Rogers got some new cowboy boots, but the first day he was out riding in them, a mountain lion jumped out of a bush at him. Roy managed to pull Trigger to the side, but the mountain lion grabbed hold of his boot & gnawed a big gash in it.
The next day Roy & Dale were out riding, when Dale saw a mountain lion hiding in the brush. And so she said:

"Pardon me, Roy. Is that the cat who chewed your new shoes?"


(My late husband could not tell this correctly. He insisted that Dale said: "Pardon me Roy, is that the cat who ate your new boots?" - Duh!)

 

:lol:Last night I dreamt I ate a giant marshmellow. This morning my pillow was missing.....

Our Prius radios work so well that on a cold night you can roll the window down and get Chile!

 

<div class='quotetop'>QUOTE(Sufferin' Prius Envy @ Jul 8 2007, 12:48 PM) [snapback]475106[/snapback]</div>

[/b][/quote]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

New advocaticy group D.A.M. (Mothers against Dyslexia).

 

So this dyslexic walks into a bra...

 

Not exactly a one-liner, but this one had me laughing a couple weeks ago:

 

I once met the Dalai Lama. He'd been out in the sun for years and his skin was like leather, he was also feeling a bit weak and seemed to have a persistent case of bad breath.

He was a: super-calloused, fragile mystic, hexed by halitosis...

(I first read this here on PC, some time ago!)

 

Ever since the clairvoyant man dashed out of the theater with his wife, moments before it suddenly burst into flames, she's been telling everyone she doesn't mind his premature evacuations.