Repo'ing my daughter's car

Discussion in 'Fred's House of Pancakes' started by Schmika, Oct 24, 2005.

  1. Sufferin' Prius Envy

    Sufferin' Prius Envy Platinum Member

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    [WoW, only one day old and this string already reads like a novel . . . quite the subject!
    59 posts so far and many of them are looooong. Now that I am read-up . . . my two cents:]



    Know of any deserving 20 year old Marine who could use a car? If the 16 year old has given you the green light to sell it - even if it is a bluff - I’d sell it for cheap to the son/daughter who is in the Marines.

    I could just hear the ensuing conversation between the 16 year old and the 20 year old Marine:

    16 year old: “Can you believe daddy actually wanted me to clean his house for two hours a week in order for me to keep the car !!!!â€

    The Marine: “I'd gladly do that for a car! . . . unless he made you use only a toothbrush and dig a new latrine in 110 degree heat.â€


    I think the 16 year old would eventually come her senses. She would not be able to be mad at you if the deserving sibling schooled the child on the ways of the world.
     
  2. tomdeimos

    tomdeimos New Member

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    Interesting discussion here but pretty one sided! I grew up expecting a car for free from my parents. Usually I inherited the old car when my mother got a newer one. Everyone in my familiy did too as far back as I have heard anything on the subject. ie back to the 1900's at least. My general impression was kids were provided for through college, then they were on their own, except in some cases where they continued to live at home a bit longer.

    My mother used to tell me a story about her first car: She was given a car but the cost which for her was very steep, as she was a klutz with machinery, was that she had to know how it worked and be able to work on the engine, taking it apart and putting it back together. She made me do the same before I was allowed to drive.

    So forget the idea it is a generational thing. Maybe more kids today expect more things handed to them for free. But it is different for each family and their own traditions.

    My second point is you seem to mix what to do about the car with what to do about fixing your daughter. They are separate issues and the car no matter what won't do the latter at her current age.

    Third point: Never loan money to anyone you know expecting to be paid back. It will always cause problems you don't need if you want any kind of relationship with that person.

    OK having said that you did dig a hole you have to get out of and I don't disagree with some of the other posts on that issue. You do have to do something now.
     
  3. geologyrox

    geologyrox New Member

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    hands down the best line i've read here.
     
  4. Schmika

    Schmika New Member

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    Ex has been known to tell her how to "get around" dad. (is more of a friend than mother)
    Relationship worsened when I caught her abusing my long distance phone card privileges
    Car wasn't best car, had many problems but I fixed each one and let her borrow another car when it happened.
    She admitted she couldn't afford car but also quit jobs when they interfered with her social life.
    I am sure she doesn't respect me much (outwardly) right now
    Hard handed religious life is negative

    DAMN, she tried calling me this AM when I was in a meeting w/ my boss and I had to tell her I couldn't talk right now. DAMN, DAMN, DAMN!!!!! Oh well. HEY, she called!
     
  5. jimofdg

    jimofdg New Member

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    You get a chance to call again. Imagine that, work and its relationships getting in the way of your family. It happens. She should learn that. Very good to hear she called.

    I was ready to post (in light of your communications shutdown until now) what Sufferin' said: Send the Marines! Young people will listen to siblings (not that I have any) and you know how your son feels.

    When you and your daughter are talking again, it wouldn't hurt to talk about the effects of a loan default on her credit rating, if this had been any other creditor but you. Explain how much effort people are putting into repairing bad credit, and stress how she hasn't broken hers yet.

    And: you are possible users of CATS in Greene County (unless that is restricted in some way). Call with that cell phone and get a ride. They do it 400 times a day, with 22 vehicles. Hope this helps. (I still like the sympathetic Marine best.)
     
  6. Mystery Squid

    Mystery Squid New Member

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    :lol: Sounds like a perfectly normal teenager! Seriously though, I just wanted to point that out, there are always far worse. I also wanted to throw in that I did the very same thing (and I know some will say, "figures"), quitting a job because it interfered with my social life, and abusing phone cards :lol: .

    My reasoning at that time: Life is too short. Even back then, I knew that someday, someday, I would look back upon my teen years and smile from all the good memories. So what would I rather be doing? Dumping FLAVACOL into the popcorn bin of the local convenience store, OR cruising around with friends having a good time? What will you remember on your deathbed? Keep in mind, I did have a beater VW Rabbit, nothing "newer" by any means, and there's a difference.

    IMO, responsibility happens when their time comes. I think it's different for everyone, it didn't really dawn upon me until I was about 24.

    :)

    Oh yeah, and IMO, I would have told the boss to hold on a moment...
     
  7. galaxee

    galaxee mostly benevolent

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    squid, i managed to fit in all my good memories after work... on a school night... and still pulled decent grades.

    sure, i got 2 hours of sleep a night. but at that age you can handle it. and trust me, i've seen my share of mischief.

    i guess responsibility comes to some sooner than others, i was pretty much a mature adult at 16 but there were some, how to say, factors i had no choice over that decided that for me.
     
  8. Mystery Squid

    Mystery Squid New Member

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    Hey, that's totally cool too.

    But it takes an AWFUL LOT of time to beat Legend of Zelda 2 (and various other games at the time), collect Savage Sword of Conan Back Issues AND have to factor in school and a social life! :lol:

    Hey, I'll be the FIRST to admit I was a lazy nice person SOB who didn't like to do anything other than whatever amused me/my friends at the time.

    Thankfully though, with enough time, I managed to get sick of it, and eventually, again on my own time, joined the ranks of the responsible minions. Sort of like the concept behind the lesson of being caught smoking, and being forced to smoke 3 packs a day for a week. Everything turned out just fine... ;)

    You know, now that I think about it, I think I'm even MORE grateful for my parents for allowing "me to be me" so to speak, and develop on my own accord.
     
  9. Spartan

    Spartan New Member

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    I second that! :)
     
  10. Maytrix

    Maytrix New Member

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    It sounds like this might be your biggest problem. Parents should be friends, but they need to be Parents first. If the Ex is supporting her in "getting around" you, then that's probably your biggest obstacle. It would be quite different if she at least supported you on the car issue. Married or Divorced, parents need to be on the same page (even if they don't agree). Otherwise all kids get are mixed messages.
     
  11. Schmika

    Schmika New Member

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    Well, here is the update. I was able to have a short but pleasant chat with my daughter today. She told me the car was all cleaned up and the keys were available so I could get it. She was WAYYY to calm about it, so, I took a stab. I asked if she had a replacement car....she confirmed she did.



    Well, at least that answers the question about whether I should sell it or not. I had a flash of a desire to speak to her Mom about allowing this....teaches a bad lesson....walk away from a committment w/ no consequence....but, sadly, there will be. It will just be delayed. Not worth it...Mystery Squid, I'm just gonna "move on".

    The conversation was friendly and she is going to get premier seats to her school play...did I mention she will be the lead? I love her dearly, but I worry so.....

    Thank you everyone for your kindness and interest.
     
  12. Jack 06

    Jack 06 New Member

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    I don't mean to torture you, but do you know the source of the other car? That IS one of the possibilities someone speculated upon---especially in view of her having no long-term job---?

    Dad left holding the bag? Sorry---
     
  13. maggieddd

    maggieddd Senior Member

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    same here, I don't mean to be mean or anything, but isn't this just like a slap in a face??
     
  14. Kiloran

    Kiloran New Member

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    :mellow:
    She may eventually draw a lesson from this.
    Sell the car,put the issue behind you, and move forward in your relationship with your daughter on a more adult-to-adult basis.
    -my 2p
     
  15. Mystery Squid

    Mystery Squid New Member

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    Wow! What an unexpected twist in the plot...

    Yeah, prior to knowing about the other car, I would have been like, "WHO ARE YOU AND WHAT HAVE YOU DONE WITH MY DAUGHTER" upon hearing how seemingly casual she was in turning over the "clean" car. Yeah, when a teenager hands a car back, you can rest assured something is up! LOL

    Well, good luck to you, I personally think you did the right thing. You helped her get mobile by getting her wheels, and you weren't quick-to-the-draw to simply take it back and sell it without thinking about it first. :)


    ...and thanks for providing us with a VERY intriguing thread. :)
     
  16. Schmika

    Schmika New Member

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    She said she saved up and bought a saturn. I did not ask any details.
     
  17. Mystery Squid

    Mystery Squid New Member

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    :lol: :lol: :lol:

    Riiiiiiiight...
     
  18. Wolfman

    Wolfman New Member

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    You are absolutely doing the right thing. Kudos to you for being one of the rapidly shrinking minority of people who dare to instill values and responsibility to your children. I'd do the very same thing in a heartbeat. It's better for her to learn this lesson now, than when the cold cruel world serves her a heaping helping of reality in an environment where it'll hurt her the worst.
     
  19. efusco

    efusco Moderator Emeritus
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    Well handled dad! This is definately one to let go at this point.

    There'll be plenty of opportunities for 'life lessons' and this is more an issue with the Ex, I'm guessing, than with your daughter...she's just doing what comes naturally.
     
  20. fshagan

    fshagan Senior Member

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    Actually, I think she did recover well. She didn't just "give back the car" because her "too mean" dad repossessed it. She took the time to clean it up, and give you a call to tell you it is ready.

    She doesn't think you are the Repo Man. She thinks you are Dad. That's not a bad start, is it?
     
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